SPAM email......

"EXPLODDE HER MIND WITH PLEASURE!!!"

damn, who wants to clean up that mess?

No tonight dear, I'm still putting myself back together from last time.

October is Boobies Month

Seriously, it is. You go in and get a mammocram and they give you a little pink bag and a travel size nail file set all lined up pretty in a pink case. I got both today! Joy.

My family doc found some "bothersome" spots and wanted me to get in pronto to have the ladies checked out. Didn't realize it was any issue...but his sweet RN called yesterday and wanted to know when I was going in for my ordered mammocram. Fortunately I did schedule the appt...just not with the haste they felt was necessary. So, after her call, I start to think about it and get worried. Why would they call if he wasn't concerned? Is there something to be worried about?

And then I started thinking how sweet it would be if there was something wrong....New Boobies! You know...after the surgeries and chemo and other terrible stuff....But, come one, New Boobies! How nice that would be....

I went in and got crammed into this machine, I mean really crammed into this thing. But, here's the worst part...I have a thing about armpits. It's a random weird freak out thing when things touch my pits. I've had this aversion forever and can't stand when anything gets near them. I don't even look when I shave my pits; it's all done blind. I'm not kidding. The kind lady was shoving me any which way she could to get my miserly tissue up there. And she kept putting her hand in my pit. I'm trying to not hyperventilate and I'm irritated that I'm in this office in the first place. (I mean, this is an office that would make Mary Kay Ash swoon. And I happen to know a thing or two about that woman's taste.)

After four terribly uncomfortable squishing pictures, they move me into another room and tell me to wait for the results from the doc. Maybe she'll want a sonogram, maybe not. Depends on what she sees in my flat panels of flesh.

And...of course, she wants a sonogram. They aren't done with my Boobie yet, by gawd! Sonogram was oh so fun...and I'm thinking that at least they are just playing with the ladies and leaving my underarms alone. When suddenly, the doc slaps some gel into my pits and says, "We'll check out your lymphnodes and be finished in just a minute!" A very happy voice. Like women enjoy having gel slathered all over their frontside. OOhhh...that was the worst part. The cramming, the tweaking with the big machine, that was nothing compared to her rubbing gel into my pits with a gleam in her eye.

"Oh, these look perfect! A little fluid in your milk sacs, but nothing that cutting down on your caffeine won't minimize. See you next year!" And she was gone.

And me, my flat Boobies, and my screaming armpits, were left to clean up after the party.

Ladies, don't miss your chance for such fun and excitement! October is Boobies Month. Get in there and get a mammocram.

True Story

The scene: Target, aisle 9- cleaning supplies:

Sir Toots: oh, I have to go potty!

Me: Well, you should have gone with your dad and Sweet Center. They just left! Like 25 seconds ago. Seriously!

Sir Toots: Wait! oh, never mind, I stopped it.

me: ok....wait, what? how did that happen?

Sir Toots: You know your weiner? (hands cupped up like he's holding his weiner)

me: Yeah, I don't have one of those, but I know what you mean. I've seen one before.

Sir Toots: I just pulled it in! I didn't use my fingers! I pulled my weiner in my body and I didn't use my hand.

me: Wow, that's like magic!

Sir Toots: yep! and now I don't have to go!

pile of stuff

I'm delinquent. I admit it. Experiences are stacking up and I haven't shared.

But, you should have seen the look on Hubba Hubba's face when we checked out at Home Depot today. Man, it was priceless. He didn't even want to know how much two light fixtures, two new (oh, so pretty) faucets, five door thing-magigies, six drawer pulls, and misc paint supplies cost. Here's a hint...a lot. :)

Funniest. Thing. Ever. Took Pep to Home Depot (the 1st trip!) and Starbucks yesterday. Random ride in the car with a sweet little puppy who likes to stick his head out the window and feel the breeze. Hubba Hubba is laughing at me and making fun of my dog, damn him, when Pep decides he likes the looks of a big pile of dirt on the side of the freeway. Evidently much more intersting than sitting in the car being made fun of and so he makes a leap for it. Right out the window. Only....only his leash gets stuck on my seatbelt. Seriously. It stopped him from achieving freedom. I'm screaming that Pep is lose when I realize that he's not loose...he's actually HANGING ON THE SIDE OF THE CAR! He's dangling by his collar and swinging in the breeze. I'm pretty sure his ass was enjoying the freedom, but his neck, oh god his neck was wrapped up tight and holding him to servitude. Hubba Hubba can't stop laughing and I lean out and pull the fucker back into the car. Light turns green and we go home. Laughing our asses off.

The Boys come home in three days. Projects won't be completed because we didn't plan ahead and schedule out six or so trips to Home Depot but, I have new lights and faucents. oh they are so pretty...and they help conserve water. Once, we get them installed.

I'm late...fora very important date

So, being behind has become a way of life around here. We miss the regular stuff like pulling weeds in the bakcyard and doing laundry so that we can play outside with "the street friends" and their parents. Usually it's not a big deal, except that my job is becoming a big deal, and so normal stuff keeps getting pushed further back.

Sir Toots has a birthday this week...he turns 6...and I haven't booked his party yet. He's at the age where what/where/who are very important and he wants to go roller skating. The closest rink to us is 30 minutes away. How do I manage to pull it together and get kiddos to the rink and then back home? I have no idea...so I've been pushing it off. Doesn't solve the problem, really. And now, I have to plan it and pull it all together in the next 24 hours. This is the joy of parenthood, right?

On a lighter note...we've started golfing. The four of us went to the driving range today and had a blast. I started lessons this morning and found out that I have a pretty decent swing. Sweet Center loves the idea of playing golf. I was told by my pro this morning that I need to pass my clubs along to Sweet Center pretty soon. Evidently a bargain set from the local golf shop isn't going to get me very far. Better suited a Jr. Golfer. Dude, that's Sweet Center. Can't believe he's at the age where he wants to look at golf stuff when we go to the store.

And The Boys start their outdoor camp tomorrow. Canoes, bb rifles, and arrows out the wazoo. They'll be exhausted! Fun!

and now, a word from our sponsor

Things have stabilized for Hubba Hubba now that he's got his dosage in line. He's remembering to take it every night and the results have been nothing short of astounding, really. We spent the weekend cleaning out the garage so he could have a place for his car stuff and I could have my own gardening area. No really, he's taken to tinkering with his Saab and I've got a plant or two that I haven't managed to kill. It's amazing around here, I tell ya!

As for therapy, we're trying to stay focused on why we went there in the first place. Long term things, like communication. It is the hardest thing for us these days. Really weird, because that's always been our strong suit. We still talk, now we're just trying to make sure that when I talk he doesn't hear the shrill pitch of a flightless bird. and to make sure that I hear more than a chirp out of him. Keeping it balanced, you know? It's coming and at the end of the day we still like to cuddle up and read together. So, we still have that going for us, which is a nice reminder of what we're trying to achieve.

The Boys attended Scout Camp last week. Sir Toots is still considered a Papoose, so he was corraled off under a tent and played random games for the duration of the evening. Sweet Center got to shoot a bb gun and do a bit of archery. Total fun on his side of the camp. Fortunately Sir Toots turns 6 this month and magically boys are able to grasp the complexities associated with learning fairness and doing a good turn. Can't handle that kind of pressure at 5, evidently.

Looks Like We Made It

We made it! Sir Toots moves on to first grade and Sweet Center breezed on to fifth grade. Oh, Happy Day!!

So, we're heading down I35 to find some fun in San Antonio!!

A day with Shamu and then on to meet Sweet Center's favorite author, Rick Riordan, in Austin on Sunday.

Wish us luck! And JOY! We're really holding out for pure unadultered JOY!!

The Sound of Silence

I once had a therapist that told me I was an "experienced consumer" in the middle of our first session. I'm sure she meant it in the nicest way...like, "Wow, you really know you're stuff...You must have sat on a couch a time or two before!" It makes me smile because I am known as the "Quirky One" on our street. When The Girls get together for margarita's I'm the first to tell a story just to get the conversation rolling.....Why is that?

Anyway, this all makes me a Quirky-Experienced-Therapy-Consumer. So, a couple of months ago when Hubba Hubba and I were struggling with balancing our life, I headed straight to a therapist. She was kind and chuckled at my jokes. You know, the ones I make when I'm uncomfortable and want to smooth out the rough edges of my conversation. On my third visit, she looks at me and said that we weren't going to make any progress unless Hubba Hubba came in with me.

So, being the brave soul that he is, he joined me on the couch. And then it got interesting. During our second joint session, as I'm the only one answering her questions, she just keeps looking at Hubba Hubba. Like the person I had been describing to her could NOT be the man sitting next to me. No way. He looks normal. He doesn't look like a man who heads to bed whenever the mood strikes him- for several hours at a time. He doesn't look like the kind of guy who can so wrapped up in Guitar Hero with our 13 year old neighbor that he loses all track of time (and reality). Sitting there wearing his tie straight from the corporate world, he looks exactly what you would expect a happily married suburban daddy-o to look like. Except, she notices he isn't talking.

And I know what you're thinking, how can he? You do so much talking that the poor man has just learned the survival skill of lethal acquiesence. But, really I'm working on that. And I have learned the "5 second rule." I speak and then wait 5 seconds for him to respond. Except, he doesn't. And the silence has slowly been breaking my heart. When I ask a question, the only response was silence. Total and utter silence. Like it was too much for him to engage. Too much effort. Too much.

So, we ended up on the couch. In front of this woman who just wants to figure out how to help us, when her preconceived ideas about our marriage didn't live up to the reality of the two of us sitting there. She looks him in the eye and asks, "How long have you been depressed?"

Sizzle. This woman wasn't going to play games. She adjusted her concept of us to match the reality and nailed it.

She asked him when the last time was that he really felt joy. Any kind of joy in any kind of activity. His answer was slow and opened a little hole in my heart. "I don't know."

The earth was still spinning, but I felt like the ticketmaster forgot to give me my ticket to jump on the merry-go-round. I didn't like this. I didn't want to think that there was anything wrong with him. Can't you just give us a sample dialogue or something to work on at home? Something simple?

No. There's nothing simple about depression. It's pervasive and poisinous. It will slowly eat you alive. or take away your joy. One small chip at a time.

So, it's up to Hubba Hubba to learn how to correct this course. It's up to him to decide what kind of treatment he wants to pursue. Because he has to. I won't let him sit on the sidelines of our life. He has to be on this merry-go-round with me, dammit. For better or worse, we signed up and paid for our tickets. We have the Boys who need engaged parents.

They need to see that sometimes life is hard, and depression is real, but you deal with what you got and where you are to make the most of this life. You learn to live your joy. and demand it back when it's being taken from you.

Forget

I so love this...the message is amazing....Look forward and don't carry yesterday with you. It's about this momemt. This momemt. Yes, this momemt. See the big picture and enjoy the journey, but don't expect yourself to carry yesterday's burdens along with todays joys.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Regret nothing. Not even the sins and failures. When a man views earth's wonders from some mountain height he does not spend his time in dwelling on the stones and stumbles, the faints and failures, that marked his upward path.
So with you. Breathe in the rich blessings of each new day - forget all that lies behind you.

Man is so made that he can carry the weight of twenty-four hours, no more. Directly he weighs down with the years behind, and the days ahead, his back breaks. I have promised to help you with the burden of today only, the past I have taken from you and if you, foolish hearts, choose to gather again that burden and bear it, then, indeed, you mock Me to expect Me to share it.

For weal or woe each day is ended. What remains to be lived, the coming twenty-four hours, you must face as you awake.

A man on a march on earth carries only what he needs for that march. Would you pity him if you saw him bearing too the overwhelming weight of the worn-out shoes and uniforms of past marches and years? And yet, in the mental and spiritual life, man does these things. Small wonder My poor world is heartsick and weary.
Not so must you act.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

May it be so with you. Act on today and enjoy the journey with todays blessings.

Dear Sweet Center,

Sometimes the answer just is "because I said so" and really really arguing with me won't change that. Taking your DS to bed is not a good idea and the only thing I can tell you is that I'm trying to help you sleep. Not get all amped up before I have to come in and force lights out. If I give in and let you play one video game at bedtime, then when it's really time for lights out, you'll just try and argue with me some more. I've learned (oh, yes, I've learned a thing or two from you) that sometimes giving someone a reason "why" just means giving them a ammunition to continue pushing their own argument, regardless of the merit of that argument. It's like this winding circle that you insist upon twisting around our discussion. Man, you're gonna make a killer lawyer or used car sales man someday.

I'm tired, you're tired. Let's just kiss and hug and agree to disagree.

Love, Mama

holy crap! I just realized that the computer that was accidently left on the front porch and then got wet when the sprinkler system went off (at the wrong time!) had all our photos on it...oh man....these were the photos from the last year with our trips and just random pictures of the family.

Dammit.

Here comes the sun...

sooo....how've you been? We've been trying to push on and make it through to summer. Summer. That sweet time of year that doesn't require a last minute drill of backpacks and hair inspections (did you REALLY wash? with soap?) to get in line and wait to drop the little buggers off so that their brains can get full. Yes, they'll go to camp and are very excited about the possibilities of learning to row a booat and shoot a bb gun. I'm not kidding! I really paid for them to learn these things. They'll have fun under adult supervision for 3 long months.

Now, if we can just make it through the next 8 days. 2 weeks of school left and we had to meet with Sir Toot's teacher this past week. Seems he's not interested in completing his assignments during the alloted time. So, he's ending in up in Study Hall. Yes, in kindergarten. And then, if he still isn't done, then he ends up in the hallway outside the principal's office. Believe me, when we went in to school early for our conference, he actually asked we wanted a tour of the office. Very familiar territory for him, apparently.

Anyway, we're pushing him through and hoping that we can make it 8 more days. Hubba Hubba and I decided it was time to bribe him. He's working on earning a Nintendo DS. His assignemnts aren't hard and they aren't time consuming. He just needs to do them when he's supposed to....and not end up outside the principal's office.

Spring Break 2008

We loaded up and headed to our favorite city by the River, San Antonio. We stopped in Austin to visit the Texas State Museum and the Texas Headquarters for Obama. :)
The Boys couldn't wait for San Antonio....


The Boys in front of the Alamo! I love the light in this one.


The boat tour was a great way for The Boys to see the entire Riverwalk and scope out places to visit.

The Boys at night on the Riverwalk. Cute. Cute.

DeRusha's meet SHAMU! Just ignore the lady who looks like she's meeting midgets. I was trying to get away from his weird-o head thing.

Manatee workout. No really, he's doing sit ups!


MY FAVORITE of the whole trip. That was one helluva a margarita-Everything is bigger in Texas!!


ALL3

Do you see this couple?

Well, I had forgotten what joy we had with each other. No, seriously. I really did let the day-to-day grind get in the way. Here and there, with a stop at the dry cleaners on the way, I was running around trying to keep everything in balance and I forgot. We have always been one of those couples that knows when we aren't in balance. It just doesn't feel right to not be on the same page. There would be the occasional stage when one of us would have to bookmark the spot and let the other catch up, but we had always managed to find the page in the end. And so, yesterday, we literally passed each other going through the door. I had groceries in my arms and was herding Sir Toots in the door when Hubba Hubba walked up. I rushed by and said, "Could you pick up Sweet Center from Scouts. He'll be done in about 20 minutes." And then I stopped. And thought about it...and then I said "WAIT!" I could feel his fatigue. He is oh so tired of waiting for me to find him. So tired of being bossed around and directed about. So, I leaned over and kissed him. Bookmark that spot, baby.


Gag, I'm done. :)

Okay...Just a couple more...

They are amazing....I just have to share a couple more:



How HUGE does he look??




Ask him how old he is...go ahead....he'll tell you 5andahalfandthreequarters



Sorry they are crooked, I'm still trying to figure out my scanner!
I'm off to play outside!

No apologies

for taking so long to get back into blogging.... :)

I just want to share a picture of My Boys. They have been so busy and I have only just now begun to catch up with them from my travels!! I'm so glad to be home and settling back into our life.

still struggling

Today I received 3 calls from the school. Sir Toots is still struggling with this thing we call kindergarten. I have no idea what to do at this point. He's lost privileges and he says he understands...but clearly he doesn't. They want to do this Scared Straight thing and take him on a tour of the school for troubled kids here in the district. I'm not quite sure this will help him. I don't think that at 5 he will understand why he's there. and truthfully, I don't want it to backfire and have him WANT to go there.

My friend, who's a special ed teacher, thinks that this is a terrible idea. She is going to bring me some Behavior Charts from her school. Not the ones they use on the crazies...just the normal ones. I'm going to make a case that we need to try some real positive enforcement and see what that gets us.

Fortunately, Sweet Center is still the model of a perfect student. :) His Cub Scout Pinewood Derby is this weekend. He and Hubba Hubba have been working feverishly on this little car. You'd think it was going to be an Indy 500 Car. I love to watch them work on it. The fumes of the paint alone are enough to keep me out of range...but they are having so much fun! I promise to get pictures of the race and post them for everyone.



By the way, as part of my New Year's Revolution to enjoy my life more, I have started a Glog (a gratitude blog) and if you are at all interested in the menial things that make me smile...feel free to check it out here. I have been made fun of for this...so please spare me the witty barbs. You don't have to click it...I just like actually putting it down when something happens that makes me appreciate this life I live, breath, and love everyday.

Travels

When Mama travels, she falls off the blogging wagon. Sorry for not keeping ya'll updated on The Boys. They are being really good for Hubba Hubba and behaving themselves while I'm away training. Last week San Antonio and this week St. Louis.

Sir Toots was like a suction cup this past weekend and didn't want to let me out of his sight. Sweet Center is so "whatever..you're home...that's nice...fix me some food."

Now, I'm gone again and though I just left this morning, I'm ready to be home with my men. I finished laundry in time to catch my flight and I was off again!

I'll be back with pictures and such soon.

New Year's Revolution

The only thing that I really, really want to do this year is:

ENJOY LIFE MORE!!

yes, I'll stay on my meds (Hubba Hubba will appreciate this, I'm sure) and I'll still do the laundry and make sure that there are clean bowls in the cupboard for breakfast, but I want to do it with a spirit that sees the enjoyment in the actual act of living.

Please don't think that hoakey. I have really begun to see how precious my life is and short of rolling around in the green grass of goodness that I have so undeservedly been given, I can try and appreciate it spiritually, mentally, and physically.

So, see the irony there? Something that seems so small, really isn't.


Happy New Year to you and yours!

Flickr

I have a ton to learn about this wacky internet thing....but I managed to upload some Christmas pictures:

Check them out here!

and I've added a button on the right that lets you get there anytime you wish!