Sir Toot's brain

Today after a difficult afternoon, Sir Toot's look at me and says, "It's just my brain. It forgets to rewind itself and I lose my place."
I think this a great summation of ADHD and what we live with everyday. Turns out his teacher has 2 boys with ADHD and so she is well aware of his struggles to stay in his seat and complete his work. I like that she doesn't blame him and make him feel bad about himself- it's his brain that causing all the problems really. It's so important that he continue to think he's the greatest kid since sliced bread!

Anyway, I met with the psychologist yesterday and I have to be honest...my first thought was I ended up in Andre the Giant's office. Once I got over my shock, I found him to be a very nice man. Dr. Mac made a reference to a book series that I love (the Mitford series) and so I knew we would get along fine. He wants to meet Sir Toots next week and then we'll go from there. I just hope he doesn't scare the poor kid!

On the job search front: I am officially over my quarter life crisis and have entered the phase of reentering the workforce with the hopes that I haven't completely derailed my career. I miss the day to day challenges that come with a real job and I'm hoping that a few things I have in the pipeline will work out. I have some great support and know that something will hit that's right up my alley! Besides, Yvette, my psychic, says that there's something on the horizon for me that will use my skills but force me to learn something new. That's exactly what I'm looking for! Let's just hope it pays well. :) I'm believing in it and focusing on making it happen when the timing is right.


***WAIT!**** I just reread this and it totally sounds like I'm still stuck in some kind of crisis! Between the shrink and the psychic, I have crazy all wrapped up. :)

Today I am Thankful For....

1) A POSITIVE REFERRAL for Sir Toots! YEA!
2) A husband who is supportive and doesn't think I'm too nuts!
3) Boys who still love to wrestle and cuddle.
4) Friends who will help me move a couch just because I want a new look in the living room.
5) Unlimited Opportunities!
6) Friends who have great blogs to remind to stay focused on the good in this life.
7) Finding a psychologist for Sir Toots who doesn't want to slap a label on him UNTIL we have turned over every rock and looked at all the possibilities. We have a meeting with him next week and he wants to focus on behavior modification before we do anything related to ADHD. I'm not denying a problem....I just want to make sure that we are really looking at the big picture and not just looking for a quick fix.
8) Boys who make good choices.
9) Boys who don't complain (too much!) when they realize they made a bad choice.
10) The ability to recognize that The Boys need to make choices for themselves so that when they grow up they can make good choices without a lot of effort.

Humor in all things

oh yes, I forgot to mention that a hamster died. We figure old age.

Sweet Center: Well, at least he learned a new trick.
Me: What trick?
Sweet Center: He finally learned how to play dead.

Burial services tomorrow under the peach tree in the backyard.

Denial, Anger and moving towards Acceptance

I met with Sir Toot's kindergarten teacher yesterday and I'm still trying to process the fact that it appears we have another child with special needs. Yes, ADHD is called special needs because raising a child with this disorder is not like raising a "normal" child. Hubba Hubba and I have to focus on helping Sweet Center in different ways than other parents help their children. I was so hoping that Sir Toots would get the swing of things and move right into school with no issues. I wanted that so badly and was even going so far as to refuse to do any sort of evaluation on him when I continued to get calls from the school.

But, I had to stop and ask myself how that benefits him. Does my holding onto my perceived reality really mean everything is okay with him? What about the kids he's hitting and the property he is destroying at school? Don't I have a responsibility as his mother to see past my denial and accept that we need to do something different? Just because he doesn't act like Sweet Center doesn't mean anything. It just means that ADHD is manifesting differently in him.

And that's the rub. This complex and so easily dismissed disorder is not easy to define or categorize. "He's just all boy" & "It's cute how he stands up for himself" and my personal favorite "Don't worry, he's not like his brother" make me want to scream. Like not being like his brother is a good thing? What the hell is wrong with his brother?

I'm angry and disappointed that this is happening to my second child. I'm angry that I have to be different. I'm angry that it's not normal around our house. I'm angry that I can't just relax and let them coast for a while because there's always some new drama coming on. I'm angry that I can't take them to the grocery store without having to threaten them and then I feel like a bitch afterwards. It is different. Our life is different because of ADHD and I'm tired of being told that it's not that bad. I know that I have it easier than parents with "real disabled children." But dammit, it's not easy and I'm tired.

Tomorrow I will appreciate all the things that they do that are different and special and unique. Sweet Center is amazing with numbers and god, does he have an imagination. Sir Toots is my little no nonsense squirt who manages to get in the middle of everything. Tomorrow I promise that I will wake up and give them what they need so that we can clean their rooms. Step by step directions and simple tasks.

But today, today I'm tired. and sad. I'm sad that things won't always be easy for them. Both of them will have to learn coping skills above and beyond their peers. They have to teach themselves to stop and not act out in the moment.

Tomorrow I will hold Hubba Hubba's hand and hope that we are giving them what they need so that they don't become a statistic and do drugs or drop out of school or suffer from low self esteem.

I'm hoping that our love is enough to give them faith in themselves. Regardless of what some stupid evaluation tells me about My Boys.

Caller ID

is the worst invention ever. Shouldn't I be surprised when the school calls to tell me that Sir Toots has hit someone again? I mean, when I see the schools name pop up on my phone I know it can't be good news these days.

So, today I went down and talked with him. They pulled him out of class at noon and he had to sit outside the principals office until 3p working on schoolwork. I'm not sure how that's going to help him, but at least he's not near anyone to hit again. I'm at such a loss. I don't know what to do or say to him now. We had 2 good weeks and now it's starting again.

Conference with the school counselor tomorrow at 7:30 so I'll keep you updated.

How to Succeed

So, like I always do when I'm stumped or feeling at a loss, I googled. Today I googled "How to Succeed" in the little box and ever the helpful search engine that could, google recommended "How to Succeed in Life."

Why, yes, google...that's what I'm trying to do...But why do I keep failing? Why do I keep bumping into roadblocks that seem to set me on edge and send me crying for a dark corner and a fluffy comforter?

So, back to my search- here's the the main quote of an article titled the "The X Factor".
I read and I think it really hits the nail on the head:

"if you knew what you wanted and got clear about who you are and how your past experience could be harnessed for the good of mankind then would anything be able to stop you if you consistently applied yourself in that direction?"

So, now the next step is putting on foot in front of the other. Just a moment to collect myself, though. I need to make sure I'm clear on this....

Touched by a....

well, there's not really any nice way to say this....Sir Toots has issues with his poops. I got the word today that the tests are normal and he just has a bit of blockage that is causing the tummy problems.

So, off we go to Walgreen's to pick up one of those special medicines that goes in the special place. I wait for Hubba Hubba to come home and help me. No way am I doing this one by myself. :)

Sir Toots is quite apprehensive until Hubba Hubba tells him that he has medicine will make his tummy feel better. It just needs to "go into his butt." This comment elicits a chuckle from Sir Toots.

His reponse? "Yes, but the medicine is dirty. It's been touched by my poop."

and then he finishes with,"Can I please have my pants back? I need to eat dinner like a man."

Sugar Bugs

Sir Toots has stomach problems. He has been complaining about a vague ache for a while but there hasn't been any rhyme or reason to the pain so we've dealt with it and just tried to convince him to spend a bit more time on the potty.

Well, enough of the complaining and I finally convinced the great pediatrician to send us for some testing. Blood work and an xray are simple enough to do and will show if there's anything going on. Or if it's just Sir Toots trying to get out of school and chores.

So we head out on Friday for the blood work. At the lab he's in tears in the bathroom desperately trying to convince me that his pain isn't that bad and really, what's up with the needles? Are you kidding me, Mama? Real needles. I'm pulling every trick in the book out of my back pocket trying to convince him that it will be okay and we'll go to McDonald's when it's all over. There's a knock on the door and the kind lady who will be taking his blood walks in to talk to Sir Toots in a voice that I have already tried. Good luck, lady.

Dammit if she doesn't tell him that she's looking for Sugar Bugs and once she finds them she needs to take a few out so that we can do what the doctor wants. She totally found a way to make it sorta fun and keep us from being the bad guys at the same time. I get into the chair so he can sit in my lap and he crawls up. She gets out the dreaded needle and starts to clean off his arm and he squirms a bit. Noticing this, the nice lady tells him to focus on his Sugar Bugs and going to McDonald's. He tenses up and says okay. I prepare for the worst and take a deep breath.

She inserts her needle and he looks at me with tears in his eyes. And then starts to smile. "oh, that didn't hurt. Mama, I need a burger with cheese and two pickles."



By the way, we got the xray results back and there's nothing there but a little poop. Hopefully the blood work will be clean as well. I should know tomorrow.

What happens in Vegas....

So, Hubba Hubba is on a business trip to Vegas. The Boys wanted to sleep with me, so I tucked them in and headed back in to livingroom to enjoy a little quiet time. Just me, Al Micheals, and 60k fans enjoying the game from Philadelphia. I have a tendency to avoid going to bed when Hubba Hubba is gone because the bed just doesn't sleep the same way. It's like a pillowtop curse that must make me suffer for being alone.

So, I wake up on the couch with a throbbing in my ear and think that I must have "couch potato ear" from scrunching it up on a down pillow from the couch and not my nice fluffy pillow on the bed. I get up and push The Boys over so I have room to lay down and the pain won't go away. I lay there and my ear continues to throb. I can hear the band pulsing it's way through my middle ear and take a left turn deeper into my head.

Now I just finished a round of antibiotics for some random infection that caused my lymph nodes to swell up like a balloon. I shouldn't have anything wrong with me, but I do and I'm such a baby about it. Hubba Hubba won't be back until midnight on Weds.

I hope he's having fun in Vegas.

It starts at home...

Sir Toots spent the day playing with his girl-friend, little Miss Priss. I adore this girl and I would love it if they grew up and got married. She has fire and doesn't take any of his nonsense. When they play outside, she's always first to tell him that he's supposed to play nice and share. I love to listen to them upstairs in the toyroom when they don't know they are being spied on. He's bossy and she doesn't take it from him. When he won't share, she has this look with her huge brown eyes that she gives him. Works everytime. The dynamic that is shaping up between them so reminds me of my relationship with Hubba Hubba. Not that Hubba Hubba is one to get saucy, but just the way they interact showcases the difference between men & women.

So anyway, today I walk across the street to pick Sir Toots up and they shoot out the door to head to our house. Miss Priss's mother stops them and asks them to pick up their fort in the livingroom. I head in to wait for them and listen to them talk about who's picking up what. Sir Toots heads over in 30 seconds and says he's done. Miss Priss is still picking up & so I send him back in to help her.

He looks at me and says: "But, Mom! There's only two things left!"
My response: "Well, good. One thing for you and one thing for Miss Priss to put away."
Incredulous he shoots back: "Dude, she has two hands."

Oh yes, my Padawan, you are learning from The Master at home.

P:ositive Referral

We received a letter this week from one of Sweet Center's teachers

Student Name: Sweet Center
From: Teacher #2
Date: 9-11-07

The reason I received a positive referral is.....

Sweet Center has really blossomed since 1st grade and I am so impressed with his enthusiasm for learning. He is always ready to go and actively participating in all class activities and discussions. I love watching his excitement for learning come alive during math and science and am happy to see it spread to other students!
What I am most impressed by is Sweet Centers citizenship skills; especially respect and responsibility. He is really setting an excellent example for his peers. I am proud of Sweet Center and ecstatic to have him again in class.

How cool is that!? When they do the school assembly this morning (Friday) the assistant principal will read it out loud to the entire school! Sweet Center is so excited and I am so proud of him!

What a kid!

School

So, I get a call. From a teacher. At work. Evidently Sir Toots is not adjusting quite as well as we'd hoped. :) Dear Sweet Kindergarten Teacher called to let me know that Sir Toots had broken all the crawns (yea, we call them crawns and NOT cray-ons) at his table. For no reason he felt the need to pick them up one by one and break them in half as the other children stared on in horror. This act is, evidently, sacrilege in kindergarten and will not be suffered lightly.

He couldn't do this when crawns were still on sale, no siree. Sir Toots waited until they went up by a 1000% (from 20 cents to 2 bucks a pack) so that Mom & Dad would be forced to pony up the real cash for his transgressions. He worked for the money this weekend and off he went with two new packs this morning.

He's loving PE, though. So far, hands-down it's his favorite subject.

Sweet Center has picked right up where he left off last year; squirming his way into his teachers hearts. This year he has two teachers and lucky for us, one is the same teacher he had in 1st grade. She knows his quirks and how to work with him so he's having a ton of fun. His favorite subject so far is spending time in the library. I think he enjoys finding the biggest book he can possibly pick up- just to justify the freakin' huge roller backpack that he JUST HAD to have. For him, we poneyed up the cash to get him rolling from the get-go. He knows not to break anything because his budget is busted.

As for my class, I am enjoying trying to convince 21 four-year olds that they really need to stay in their seats so that we can practice the letter of the week. Again. I figure if I can teach them all to write their names and the days of the week (in order), then it will be a successful year. I'm earning less and enjoying my job more. I think it's a good trade-off to have energy for The Boys at the end of the day. :)

I do need help, dear Internet. Could you please check in with me randomly and ask about my grad school application? Since I'm going to a new school and a totally new program, I have to do the entire application process again. I got my test scores last week and they are where they need to be...I just hope that I can pull off the essay explanation for why I want to teach and yet have spent the last 10 years in the business of healthcare.




By the way, this is a confidential note to someone very special: Have you made your appointment yet? Times-a-ticking and working on your relationship should be the most important thing on your to-do list. Love you! :)

My addiction, again

yes, more self-help books. Fortunately this is one I have read before and it helped me last time so I thought another perusal would do me some good. Just your basic run-of-the-mill relationship books to help you feel better connected to your spouse.

So, I'm reading and getting pretty wrapped up in the things that we don't do for each other anymore. Things like flowers and little notes to remind each other how much we still care. I get to thinking and start to feel sad about it. In the middle of my reading, I realized we were out of diet coke. This is my life blood and I have to have a diet coke at least once every 3 hours.

As I lay on the floor clutching my chest in agony, Hubba Hubba looks at me and chuckles. And then proceeds to run to 7-eleven to buy me a big Gulp. I love this man.

We're going to pretend it hasn't been over a month...

since I updated this blog. Sir Toots has turned 5 and tomorrow Sweet Center turns 10. I can't believe it. It sounds so cliche to say that....but it really is true. I still remember how fat they both were as babies. :)

I am having a blast at my new job. I love being around The Boys all day and I'm learning a ton that will help me with teaching. The kids are so cute and I already have a favorite or two. Keep your fingers crossed about my graduate school stuff. I have requested all the test scores and transcripts that I need to get into the program so now I just have to finish up my letter of reason and get a couple of references lined up. Shouldn't be too hard, right?? Hopefully not.

Anyway, I will try to update more regularly. I know you are out there waiting with anticipation for my next post.

For A Good Time Call....

Yes, Sweet Center has a cell phone. If you haven't yet received a call from him, don't worry, I'm sure it's coming!
Grandma thought it would be a neat (super) early birthday present, so when she signed up for a new phone, she got the free phone assigned to him. She's covering his airtime.

Ah, the description of airtime is a bit out of his league. Sweet Center doesn't quite grasp that he's limited in the time he's allowed to talk on the phone. The original plan slated for him to share 900 minutes with Grandma. By day three, he had used over 350 and so she switched plans. We're trying to get him into texting (cuz itz free) and he really doesn't need to learn how to properly use the english language. Proper grammer is for sissies. U NO WHT I MEEN?

Is it really JULY??

Where has the summer gone? I've enjoyed my time at home with The Boys this summer. Unfortunately it's rained and rained. Then it decides to rain a little more. I heard today that we got rain 21 days in the month of June. Here's to hoping that July is dryer!!

If not, then our escape to Wisconsin should be dry. I'm hoping for sun, sun and then some more sun! I never thought I would look forward to the weather in Wisconsin! :)

The Boys head out to spend some time with family in the country next week. I will have 3 days to clean, read and get ready for our trip. I will miss them like crazy
(after the first day!)

Until then we have my sister's three little ones spending some time with us this week. They all just arrived tonight and I already get to play Tooth Fairy for my nephew. Good Times. Really, I mean it. Good Times. I just have to get used to having a messy house. Cleaning up after 2 is way easier than cleaning up after 5. :) Send loving thoughts my way. It will be a long week.

My addiction

I'm addicted to self help books. Any kind, any topic, and I pick it up and read. Not always cover to cover, but I try to get the gist of it and decide whether I agree on the basic premise. Well, I'm reading one right now that just kicked me in the butt on parenting. The ideas are phenomenal and I whole heartedly agree with 98% of what the author talks about to truly create a connection with our children.

"Buddha never raised kids & Jesus didn't drive carpool" by Vickie Falcone is an amazing read. She is able to take timeless philosophies and teachings from spiritual masters and meld them with parenting. Really, she says, all the information we need to be present and active in our children's lives is already out there, we just don't always think of them as pertaining to our children and our dilemmas as we raise them to be responsible & loving people.

I have noticed a difference in dealing with The Boys. My own peace has jumped and I am learning to take a deep breath (or two!) before I charge headlong into breaking up a fight or correcting Sir Toots when he acts out.

The key thing that every parent needs to learn, according to Ms. Falcone, is how to PHIL our childs needs.
Children learn best when they are PHIL'led up and parents are the best ones to make this happen for their child:
P: Powerful
H: Heard
I: Important
L: Loved

I love the book and I highly recommend it to anyone with kids.

As for the other stressor in my life, a career, it appears that things are shaping up. I had an interview today and another one on Monday to help me pursue my teaching certification. Hubba Hubba and I have really talked about this and since it's something that I really want to pursue, then I'm going to work in a school environment while I take my classes for cetification. Yes, it's a lot less money than I had been making, but he is so supportive of me and is ready to do what he can to make it happen.

I'm in a really happy place right now. Today I can say it is about White Tulips and Sunshine. I'm going to continue to think positive and breathe. I'm asking the Universe for some things and I believe that I deserve them. That's a huge step for me.

We can't get enough of the outdoors....

We had 8 children spend the night last night. In tents. Outside. I think we are taking this outdoor thing a bit far. But, we had s'mores and told stories and made the night all about the kids. It was nice. Until about 2:30am when I couldn't sleep and the brave mother that was outside with me decided to call it quits and go home. Fortunately she lives across the street, so it wasn't a big deal. I packed up the remaiming children and took them all inside. Unfortunately, I didn't get to sleep in my own bed. Sir Toots wanted to sleep with Hubba Hubba, so I slept in the guest bed upstairs. That was very nice- no children and no bugs. Until 8:00am this morning when I was awaken by yelling about breakfast downstairs.

I went down and calmed everyone by promising something grand. And then went to my own bed and kicked Hubba Hubba into the kitchen to deliver on my promise. It's nice to have him around.

We Really are City Folks

Ms. S. can't get over how much of a City Boy Hubba Hubba is. So different from the boys she knows. I've tried to tell her that he's actually a City Man, since he did grow up in a city and spent some time in South America growing up. Obviously this means that farming is totally foreign to him. Me too, for that matter. I remember going to visit my grandparents ranch in Central Texas and walking through the orchards and going out to see the cattle. But, truly this was vacation and not my real life, so I'm pretty umfamiliar with how to grow things.

However, with our house, we inherited 2 peach trees. They didn't bloom that much last year, so we asked my grandmother what to do to make them pop this season. Hubba Hubba dutifully followed her directions last Fall and we chuckled about how funny it would be if we actually got anything edible of them this year.

Boy, Howdy...did we ever!!

Doesn't that make your mouth water?

That's Sweet Center in the background, trying to figure out what the hell we were doing out amongst the bugs in the backyard:


This is 1 of 3 boxes full of peaches:


Hubba Hubba had quite a bit of fun pulling them down from the trees:


And Sir Toots loved going through them and he pulled out the "icky ones":


We may be City Folks, but we sure do know how to grow us some peaches!

Father's Day

A day to celebrate the men that make a difference in the lives of The Boys.

For Hubba Hubba: I love you more with each day. No more so than when I see you with Our Boys and the way you love them. I have a snapshot in my mind of when Sweet Center was oh so small. You were laying on the floor playing with him and the light that shone between you two took my breath away. The memories continue, this morning it such a joy to see you teach Sir Toots how to shave.






to Pop: Your love and guidance over the years have meant more than I can ever articulate. Watching you with my own children makes me appreciate you so much more. The tenderness you have for each of your grandchildren is beyond anything I could have imagined. Thank you for opening your heart to each of them and showing them how a real man loves.

to Gramps: Your love for The Boys is amazing. I still remember the day you drove up to the house and Sir Toots yelled to all his friends, "That's my friend, Gramps! " You are their friend and so much more. Thank you for your love and for being a true grandpa!

To Grandpa De: Your relationship with The Boys is blooming. Thank you for making the effort and spending time with them. And really, thanks for your efforts with Hubba Hubba as he grew up. I know what a handful he was, but he turned into a helluva winner. I know where he gets his playfulness with his own sons.

To Uncle Tony: Your love for my boys is a joy to see. Thank you! By the way, you have something under your arm...oh wait, that's just a spot that needs to be tickled!