Company is gone

and I have to say it was....nice. We enjoyed many drinks and some good food. Hubba Hubba has promised to try and cook a little more since it seems pretty apparent that he should have inherited a little bit of cooking finesse. Certainly more than me! and so we'll see how that goes.

Sweet Center is a little sad, like always when company leaves. You'd think that the many personality disorders in this house would keep him entertained for a bit, but I believe he has become bored with us all and relishes the times when others drop in for a visit. I do have to say that this trip was much different though. There was an older boy in the house for 6 days. Of course, he was influenced in things such as musical taste (thus, the rap crap currently in the background) and sports (he didn't know how many homeruns Babe Ruth had and was teased a bit for it- so he's determined to remedy this and is buried underneath a need to soak up as much ESPN radio as humanly possible.) What else....there's something....oh yes, a cell phone. He's absolutely convinced he needs a cell phone, like Uncle Cris. A freakin' cell phone. I'm so hoping that we can hold out on this one for a bit longer. So far it's the only thing he wants for his birthday. Please let there be a super duper special at Verizon in August.

Sir Toots is back to his usual self. Goofy and a little sweet. No worse the wear for the bloody nose he sustained this weekend tossing his new jaguar to his Uncle Cris in a game of some sort. He nows believes that his snot is red. Seriously! He said this to me. He's isn't green like this brother's, it's red because that's his favorite color. MMMMM........okay, if you say so, babe.

Hubba Hubba is back to work with a tie around his neck and smile on his face. He so enjoyed the time to watch his father really be a Grandpa to The Boys and play and tickle them mercilessly. He even played with both the puppies and that really won over Sir Toots. Any dog lover is a good guy in his book.

Uncle Cris was such a sweet guy to The Boys. He played with both of them and taught Sweet Center a few tricks with the basketball. It was fun to watch them really enjoy the time they had together.

So, all in all, my apprehension was unwarranted. My father-in-law is a nice man who's trying to keep his busy life intact and remedy the fact that he hasn't been with his grandsons as much as he, or we, would like. The nice thing is that this visit wasn't about apologies or guilt for would-have's.

It was just a nice visit with two great guys who just happen to be Hubba Hubba's family. We're all trying to do our best in this race called life and that's all we can ask of each other.

Family

Well, I don't know if it's me or just a general feeling of well being due to my current medication, but things are going very well. :) We are all having tons of fun. The Boys are in love with their Uncle and Grandpa. It's quite cute to watch them all play.

Uncle De (as he is being called) has quite the basketball hands. He's teaching Sweet Center some great tricks and ball handling moves. Sir Toots is just in awe of someone over the age of 10 that is paying him some quality attention.

As for me, I'm enjoying the time with my father-in-law. Since it's a relaxed atmosphere, it's much different. We are all enjoying laughs and some really good food!!

Hubba Hubba is just enjoying it all.

The British are coming! The British are coming!!

Not really....but....See? Now you're as worked up as I am about the imminent arrival of my father-in-law. He's always made me a bit nervous. And now he's coming to our new house in Texas. Well, yes we have been here 2 1/2 years, but it's his first visit and I can't help but be a little bit nervous. Hims cultured and stuff. And he'll be here almost an entire week with our little simpleton family.

I love Hubba Hubba's family. The rest of them are really nice normal people and I really enjoy seeing them, but his dad has this thing with a pipe and a slow cadence that makes my little heart stop. Not in a smooth way, just in a totallly intimidated way that makes me feel that whatever I was going to say would be inappropriate. After 12 years you'd really think I would be over it. But, I'm not. I think it has to do with the fact that we got married so young and please, dear God, let this man think that his son chose well in picking me to be his bride.

The carpets are (relatively) clean and the rooms are as organized as they are going to be at this point. Nothin' else I can do but pick him up at the airport this afternoon and hope for the best. I'm still trying to figure out what to do him and Hubba-Hubba's little brother over the next few days. I'm sure we'll have fun. I just need to keep my mouth shut and not say anything too shocking or out of the realm of acceptance. Think The Boys can do that? Ya, me neither.

I am looking forward to a stress free visit in 2 weeks with Grammy and Auntie Courtney. That will definitely be fun. :)

Think good thoughts for me today!

Celebration

I woke up this morning and remembered that I had a blog. That all 3 of you read. and I have been ever so neglectful in updating you on what's happening our in happy little household. Please accept my humble apologies. I shall whip myself with old noodles in the pantry later today as punishment. :)

The other night I was able to convince Sweet Center to shear his hair. All of it. He looks so adorable (and clean!) now that I just can't stop telling him. So:

Sweet Center: Mom, it's getting a little annoying that you tell me 20 times a day that I'm cute and that you love me.
Me: Well, I know you're getting big and stuff. I can't kiss you in front of your friends now. Do you want me to stop telling you how wonderful I think you are?
Sweet Center: Well.....no. How about just 10 times a day instead of 20. I think I can handle hearing it like 10 times a day.

It's been a wonderful week for him. On Monday he received word that he made "Commended" on the state mandated testing. AND! he gets a gold medal to show off. This is the neat part for him. The gold medal is super cool. And the rest of the week has been super check + for him all week. If everything holds steady and he finishes all his assignments on time today then I promised that we would go buy the movie "Eragon" and have the grandest movie night on the block.

Keep your fingers crossed for the boy. He's so lovely, cute and wonderful that I want to just celebrate him. But only like 10 times today. After the super week he's had he certainly doesn't deserve a mother who annoys him.

Random Thoughts

today is a hodge podge of stuff. I've been working and shuttling Sweet Center to basketball camp all the while making sure that everyone has clean underwear. A mother's work is never done, I tell ya! :)

I've been meaning to put this up for a bit:
4 Things:
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Cashier at Chuck E Cheese (high school)
2. Unit clerk in a NICU (neonatal ICU) (college)
3. Corporate Trainer (1st semi real job)
4. Pharmaceutical Rep

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. The Mummy
2. The Mummy II
3. Princess Bride
4. any Christian Slater movie (preferably the early years before he went all crazy on drugs and what not)

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Frisco, TX
2. Indianapolis, IN
3. Lubbock, TX
4. Fond du Lac, WI

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Any basketball that's on
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Scrubs (it's Hubba Hubba's favorite)
4. Eureka (SciFi Channel)

E) Four places I have been on vacation
1. Galveston, TX
2. Cabo San Lucas
3. San Antonio, TX
4. Damn, we need to get out more.....

F) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Crab
2. lasagna (my mom's version)
3. chocolate chip cookies
4. Taco Beuno bean burrito

H) Four places I would like to be right now:
1. Shopping for hardwood floors
2. on the beach in Mexico
3. San Antonio (with Hubba Hubba)
4. Disney World (with all my boys)

And. The dogs are doing good. Harvey and Pep have begun to play together. Super cute.
I'm still car shopping....I so wanted a Mini Cooper, but then we test drove one with The Boys in the backseat and it just didn't seem right to cram them into a car everytime we needed to head out for a loaf of bread. I didn't think I could handle the 'pop' sound that would ensue everytime I had to wedge out Sweet Center's legs from the backseat.

I do believe that's all on our frontier....

apples

I made a deal with The Boys. If they would help me put away all their laundry then we would sit down in our jammies and watch whatever movie they chose. They were up for it and were a great help in getting all their clothes upstairs. I started cleaning some things up while they were picking out the movie.

Sweet Center calls out, "Mom, what are you doing?"

I reply, "Give me just a second. I'm trying to finish up and I'll be right there to watch Wallace and Gromit with you." I'm thinking that he's getting impatient with me and wants me to come and sit down with them like I promised. I have a slight elated feeling that it's so important to him that I come and sit with him. Isn't it so sweet the way he is pestering me so that we can have some fun time?

Sweet Center interrupts my charming thoughts by yelling out "oh, you aren't busy....get me an apple and cut it up, will ya?"

Sick Puppy

Holy Crap! Did you know that puppies can get really sick and keep you up at night? Did you? Well, evidently that thought never crossed our minds on Sunday. It didn't really occur to us that having a 3 month-adorable-as-all-get-out-puppy would have us staring at each other over the glow of the alarm clock as it slowly counted the minutes down to the start of our day. Between the mess on the carpets from coccidia's disease (don't ask- it's gross and requires medication) to the pitiful cough that rattles Harley's whole chest (which, coincidentally also requires medication) we aren't sleeping much. Currently she's swallowing down 3 pills a day and I'm getting ready to go get the 4th from the vet to suppress the cough so that she (WE!) can sleep. Hubba Hubba is such a sucker for this little girl. He brought her to bed with us and cuddled up with her until she fell into her fitful sleep around 4:30am. Safely tucked in his arms. Yes, I will admit to a bit of jealousy. That's my spot at night, gash darnnit!

We have discussed that it's like having a newborn in the house. Except I was breastfeeding the last one so it was pretty easy to bring him to bed with us (which he still thinks is where he is supposed to wake up everyday!!!) and it wasn't a big deal.

This is a big deal. Harley is losing weight, and really when you weigh 7lbs, there isn't much to lose. So, for now we're keeping her within sight at all times. Poor Pep is slowly coming around. We are giving him extra attention and The Boys play with him every chance they get now. It's cute to watch him be a little snot and stare at us and then decide that he's okay with us loving on him in the presence of this other annoyance.

Well, I'm off to buy a new comforter for our bed (don't ask- it's gross.)

Rescued

Well, the weekend started out pretty normal. And then.....well, let me introduce you to the newest member of the family:



She was christened "Harley" in the middle of the pet store when we absolutely had to have a name for her collar. Sir Toots calls her "Harley Girl". She's 3 months old and is very sweet. Since I work from home, it was assumed that I could a majority of the house training. :) But, she's really Sweet Centers puppy. She slept with him last night and he absolutely LOVED it!

We have no idea what kind of dog she really is, some Blue Heeler mixed in with a little bit of something else. Hubba Hubba loves her and thinks that since he didn't get a say on Pep that it's fair that I was ganged up on and ended up with a new puppy. I don't really mind. She's adorable, and like kids, that will get you pretty far when you make a mess in the house.

Pep isn't really crazy about her, but he'll come around eventually. He's getting his monthly grooming right now and I'm sure that he thinks he's been shipped off for the netherland. I hope he comes around soon though, because it's getting a bit ridiculous to watch him run from the room when all 7lbs of Harley shows up!

Thursday 13

2 weeks ago today my mother bought a house that is exactly .9 miles (is that mile singular?) from our house.

Today is 13 Reasons I Love Having My Mom So Close:

13) It's not a big production to have dinner with her now. She can meet us somewhere and then not feel like she's tied to us for the rest of the evening.
12) The Boys think it's a mini vacation to go to Grandma's House for a few hours.
11) Her lasagna is way better than mine.
10) I think it's a mini vacation to go to her house for a few hours.
9) She shops at Costco, so there's always extra sponges and toilet paper in her garage.
8) She doesn't care if I want a nap and The Boys just want to watch a movie when we visit.
7) There's always something for The Boys to do now that she has a backyard!
6) We can talk all we want and not be tied to the phone.
5) I have a new walking partner to keep me company early in the morning.
4) She doesn't mind if Pepper joins us for dinner. I think she actually likes him running around her house.
3) This past week she watched The Boys while Hubba Hubba and I sat at home and moaned through our sickness. That's like the greatest gift ever!
2) She can go to The Boys sporting events and not have to make a day of it. And she's always up for ice cream afterwards!
1) There's nothing like having your best friend right down the street- nothing beats having her so close!!

My mother is one of the New Generation grandma's. She has a job that she loves and a life that she enjoys but she still finds a way to balance us all. Between business trips and soccer games, she knows what matters and always finds a way to make it all work.

Her 5 grandchildren are lucky to have her as their grandmother and my sister and I are super lucky to have her as our mother and best friend.

I love you, Mom.

The Force

Please call George Lucas and let him know that The Force is running loose in our toy room.

Air hockey in our house can get a little fierce. Sir Toots and I were in the midst of an epic battle when I notice he's not sending the puck back to me. I look up at him and he's got this look of utter concentration on his face and his little hand is stretched out. The puck, meanwhile, is slowly turning under the air that is circulating on the surface just out of his reach. Sir Toots looks up at me and says, "I can't reach it. But I can use the force!"

And, lo, as it was spoken, the puck slowly rotates and glides within the reaches of his fingers.

The Jedi Master beamed!

Levity!

Yea! no fevers, chills or upchucking in the house! Well, except for Pep, and he's a dog so he's allowed to puke at random intervals and it doesn't mean he's sick. :) Everyone's off to school and work feeling as close to normal as they can after the sickness struggle from the last few weeks.

So, I bring you some fun for today's blogging pleasure: What's your favorite color?

See, the idea is that your favorite color tells something about your personality. Mine is red and I thought it was because I looked good in the hue. Actually it shows that I'm one of those instant gratification people. Red is the color of passion and thus I pursue things at high speed. yes, uhm, that's me. To a tee.

Sweet Center prefers blue, which is the color of charm and clarity. Well, I do say, he is charming! And the ability to space out. Yes, he is definitely able to do that.

Sir Toots likes orange, the color of emotional responses, and inner magnetism. Have you ever seen him make that face? The face that tells you exactly how he feels? Yes, well, he is definitely emo driven and has no problem drawing people in.

Hubba Hubba is such a stinker that his favorite color is black. For crying out loud, you ask, what does that mean? Well, it showcases a persons preference to hold back information. To stay mysterious. Hello! When did they meet Hubba Hubba? This man can go for days without sharing information. I have to use the same tricks on him that I use on The Boys to find out how his day was.

So, what about you? Follow the link and then let us know about your favorite color and what it says about you.

Tag!

The Flu is playing tag in our house. Currently it's my turn. Hubba Hubba spent the weekend in bad with it and that's not really any fun at all. We had gorgeous weather and he missed Sir Toots' soccer game. So, yea he was really sick. I woke this morning with the aches and chills. I've currently slept all day and now have that woozy head that accompanies the flu. The doc we went to this weekend for Hubba Hubba said that it's flying all over the city and he's seen about 40+ patients this weekend alone with the flu. Well, gripey....let's get it over with already. I thought I had escaped it's evil clutches, but alas, here it is.

The bummer is that I was really starting to feel really good. My other meds were beginning to work and I was up on some really good leads with work. Ah, a few days in bed never killled a career. :)

I would like to say that I appreciate the support and emails that I have received regarding my decision to go back on meds. My initial hesitation was due to my last treatment. I ended up a victim of the Black Box warning and spent 24 hours in a nutward on suicide watch because the reaction to my high dose was so bad. Fortunately I was able to lean on some really strong people and got the support I needed to make it through. The best treatment for my symptons (Anxiety attacks and depression) is serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SSNRI), which is what I was on previously. My current doc recommended a small dose and said that he would monitor me every 2-3 weeks.

I can't deny I need the help, I just want to make sure that Hubba Hubba has a wife and The Boys have a mother for a long time. But, I will admit that I want to feel sane while being here. So, meds it is. With a little Diet Coke, I should fine.

Political Post

Just a fair warning for my right leaning readers.....
I know that GWB is seen by some as the second coming and my, don't we all really like him because, he is after all, a christian?!?
I'm not slamming the person, I'm slamming the policies and the repurcussions of those policies that have entrenched us so deeply in another country that no one seems to know what we should do next. What kind of world our we building for our children?

Well, I would just like to request your perusal of the following site. This is a very important issue. It's a link to the National Religious Campaign Against Torture Which essentially just means that we as citizens have to request that our politicians step up to the plate and actually abide by the Constitution and The Geneva Convention.

Please add your name to this vital campaign. The world really does NOT need to see the USA involved in another Abu Ghraib. Our reputation as a leader in human rights has already been tarnished. It is time for the people of this country to show the world that we are NOT okay with the decisions being vetted out of the White House.

and if you are interested in some amazing commentary on the web I would like to recommend Andrew Sullivan's blog. He is an amazing voice sharing stories and thoughts that help us all realize that we must pay attention. We don't have to get on a bus and drive to Washington to burn bras, but we have to be informed. Because it's true, 'If you aren't mad then you aren't paying attention.'


_________________________
on a personal note, I have again started some kind of medication to assist me in balancing out my moods. This one appears to be working already. Sweet Center was quite exuberant with his hugs and kisses this morning. Evidently I am a much better and more patient mother on some sort of drug. After a bit of struggle and resistance to doing meds again, I have decided that I'm okay with it. If he keeps up the hugs, I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes. :)
Besides, it kinda makes me feel feisty again.

balance

Sir Toots' fever broke yesterday early morning so he spent the day half on the couch and half in my office wanting to help me work. How do you explain that as cute as you are, it's probably not going to get me to the finish line any faster?

But, the dagger was truly thrown this morning. He was much better and no longer contagious so he really needed to get back to school. Friends, learning and all that important stuff. Plus, you know, Mama's gotta work. So, I'm' helping him get dressed in his uniform and he looks at me dead in the eye and says, " I hate school. It's too long." and then begins to cry. Now, this wouldn't be earth shattering news if I hadn't recently started to struggle with my mommy guilt over leaving him in daycare until around 5p everyday. I'm home and so I think I should be picking The Boys up around 3p. Only problem is that I really do have to work. And I can't talk on the phone if they are running around screaming. I tried it. Once. That was enough to convince that 5p really isn't that late. But then I get to thinking how that's like 9 hours. A super long time if your 4 and not feeling in tip top shape.

So, I promised I would pick him up early. No, not nap time early. But definitely before the usual time. Now, I just have to figure out how to get work done. :)

basketball, old dragons and fevers

The good news is that Sweet Center's team won their first game! Unfortunately Sir Toots and I had to leave at halftime so that I could get him to his soccer game (which they lost by a mind numbing score of 26-0 but fortunately it didn't matter because at this age it really is about having fun and they definitely had fun!) so we missed the big win. But we wrapped everything up and made it in time for the Championship Game! It was amazing! and so fun to see the boys play so hard. Ultimately they lost, but the progess they made this past season is truly phenomenal. Sweet Center had a blast and really didn't care that they lost, he was just excited that they made it to the final game! And really in the end, that's what matters. :)

So, The Boys have the greatest Auntie Zeus and they got Valentine's Day boxes. Sir Toots got a dragon book with knights and 3D pictures and everything! He's in heaven and really we haven't gone anywhere this past week without this big red book. So last night, Hubba Hubba and I were sleeping a pleasant sleep when I suddenly feel this immense heat and then get a really good corner of a book up my nose. The heat was coming off of Sir Toots in waves. 103 fever at 3am is not really a great way to start the week. We ran a bath and got him calmed down. Then plugged in the humidifier and turned off the lights. But, they had to go back on so that we could read about dragons one more time. How do you deny a kid when the sounds coming out of his mouth make you think that he traded voiceboxes with a frog in a dark alley and he really got the raw end of the deal? You don't. You read all about 3 and 4 headed dragons. Again. And then you laugh when you get to the picture of the really old dragon with wrinkly skin, hunched back and a unbelievable case of gout on his face.

At least that's what we do when Sir Toots gets a bad case of the flu.
Happy week to you!

Whirlwind!

This is it! The playoffs are today! And Sir Toots starts spring soccer! We havn't quite figured out how to be in two places at once yet. We keep hoping that the miracle of science will come through at the last minute and give us an ingenious way to clone ourselves so that we can be at a (very important) basketball game at 2p and then (the first of the season) soccer game at 3p on the other side of town.

If you hear of anything, please let us know. :)

Have a great day! The weather has finally warmed up around here and it's a gorgeous 60 outside.
Sorry, didn't mean to rub that in for those of you still buried under record amounts of snow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

okay, they really are serious

about this whole playoff basket ball thing. I received this email from the Head Coach of Sweet Center's basketball team today:
_____________________________
Below are a couple suggestions for the boys to make sure they are ready to play this weekend. Obviously its your call, but it would help the team if they were put into effect.

1. No sleepovers Friday night so they can get normal sleep
2. No carbonated drinks this week
3. Keep them hydrated with water leading up to the game - starting at least mid week
4. A big breakfast on Saturday morning with some good complex carbs and protein
____________________________

Yes, really. He's serious! and this is after the previous email I received from one of the Asst Coaches regarding the importance of washing their hands and staying germ free this week so that they can perform at their optimal level on Saturday. I'm not sure that we're up for this level of competitiveness. Yes, I love to watch them win, but really can we please keep it in perspective here? This is a team of 8 and 9 year olds! We're just as happy if they perform well, have fun, and then still end up losing. :)

Just like me....

only smaller and with a wee-wee.
Sweet Center is home today sick with what we currently believe is strep throat. Or as he calls it 'Stray Throat'- like the sucker just wandered into our house and planted itself onto his body. We shall know for sure this afternoon when we go see the pediatrician.

As for now, he's doing my two of my favorite things: laying on the couch and watching ESPN.

Later he says he wants to watch Star Wars, Episode III. I really can't take credit for that one. I lay the blame at the feet of Hubba Hubba regarding Star Wars. That's all his fault.

But the fact that the kid gets a kick out of watching the NFL skills challenge from the Pro Bowl Week in Hawaii? Yea, that one's all mine.


****Update****
No strep throat. Just a nasty cold that's giving him fits. I was worried about the Stray Throat thing invading our house. He's not a pleasant houseguest. :)

Click and Vote!!

Dream Vacation Contest

for my SILs photo! She has a chance at a dream vacation with this fabulous photo. It's a beautiful night by the water that you can only see in Wisconsin.

Go celebrate her Good Eye by clicking and voting!!

Wee-wees and Vajayjays

Sir Toots has finally realized that Mama is a girl and this means that I have different parts then he does.
Hubba Hubba bought me this great wrap to wear after the shower. It's especially helpful since the bathroom door can't seem to stay closed in the morning. It's like we all must get dressed in the exact same room! 3300+ sq feet in this house and The Boys have to be in our 12X10 bathroom every morning.

Yesterday when I squeezed into our room for a bit of privacy Sir Toots followed me. As I struggle to put on undies with my wrap on he leans over and scrunches up his face. The exact words out of his mouth were, "You don't have a wee-wee. What do you use?" Like I'm defective or something. Well, the only words I could get out were,"well, Mama has a vajayjay and so I don't need a wee-wee." This works for a bit and then he says," but how does that work for you?"

Well, heck. I know I'm supposed to use the real techincal term and so I sit down and tell him that Mama has a 'vagina' and that means I'm a girl. He's starting to understand but is still a little confused. As he looks at me his eyes wander down and the next question out of his mouth is,"What are those things? Daddy and I don't have circles like you."

Yes, ladies and gentleman, the child is turning into a regular Sherlock Holmes seeking out answers to the toughest questions. I add that my breasts (man, I so wanted to call 'em boobs!) are another thing that girls have that boys don't. and then quickly squirm away back into the bathroom.

Well, damn, he follows me....and asks what "those" are for. Hubba Hubba looks at me out of the corner of his eye while he quietly irons his shirt and waits for my answer. Did the man offer to assist? Did he step in and help me gain a little dignity? No, sir, he did not! He stood there with a gleam in his eye and michevious grin on his face waiting for the words of wisdom that I'm supposed to dish up while half dressed and barely awake. So I'm out here on my own with this one and so I tell Sir Toots that breasts are for feeding babies. This works until he wants to touch them. He reaches over and gives me a really good feeling-up! OOOhhhhh, now I'm totally so done with this conversation. I look at him and tell him, "Girls have vajayjays and boys have wee-wees. It's different parts for each but they do the same thing, like help us go potty."

Luckily this answer works for him. He steps away from me and picks up Baby Jaguar and starts to put on his underwear. He turns and looks at me. With his wee-wee hanging out he says, "Look at my boy wee-wee! Mama doesn't have one!" Evidently this makes him superior to girls.

Boy, do I have my work cut out for me.

The 24 hours that almost broke it all

4 years into this grand adventure I woke up and realized that I didn't really know the man sleeping next to me. Sure, he was still good looking and great at playing with Sweet Center, but we were friends who didn't talk anymore. I had no idea what projects he was working on that kept him at work until 8p and he had no idea I was going to all those lunch hour movies when I was supposed to be at work. It was a strange time for us, I knew that what we had wasn't an ideal marriage, but like most people who experience it, the void between us just happened. It appeared and slowly there was nothing there but lingering love and a wish for what we could be. What we had promised each other we would be.

So, that day I thought a change was in order. There was a fall festival at Sweet Center's preschool. Total family night and I thought it would be fun for us to all go together. Well, Hubba Hubba had other plans. I did some digging and find out that his plans involved video games with coworkers after hours. In the office, like the last several months. No projects, just fun and games with people who didn't have the same responsibilities that he did. Freedom is a nice thing at 24. I know because I was experiencing my own version through a few friends at work. My fun just happened during the day so Hubba Hubba didn't notice as much. Somehow in my mind his refusal to go the fall festival was a huge dissapointment. I didn't communicate to him the importance of the evening. I knew it was time for us to reconnect and have fun together. I just hadn't shared it with him because I was too busy gritchin' about it to other people.

When I picked Sweet Center up from preschool I saw all the decorations up for the festival and started to get really upset about the whole thing. From the moment we turned away from each other all the way right up to the current moment, I was just sick. What I really hadn't talked about with Hubba Hubba is that fact that I felt like I was doing all the work and really serving the role of solo parent. He was having his fun after hours when we were supposed to be a family and I was starting to simmer about it. I didn't consider that perhaps I had driven him to this by my inattention, all I knew is that I was really pissed. I certainly didn't consider that I was having the same fun, just during the day. In that moment all I thought was that I was the one picking up Sweet Center and I was the making his dinner and getting him ready for bed. Alone.

I packed a few things and loaded up Sweet Center to stay at my mother's house. I figured if I was going to go it alone, I should really be alone. Why have someone else around just for dissapointments sake? I was a modern women with a good job who was close to finishing my degree, I could handle this. Isn't that it's all about? Being able to make the tough decisions that work best for me and my child?

Hubba Hubba comes home just as I'm pulling out and wants to know what we're doing. So, I get out of the car, take Sweet Center inside and then tell him. and he's furious. Who the hell am I take his child away without telling him? Tell you? How can I tell you anything when you aren't here? Well, maybe if you'd pretend to care it wouldn't be like this. Hmmm, I thought caring meant actually be involved in someone's life.

You get the picture. Not pretty. So I went in and packed up Sweet Center again and we left for my mother's. On the drive over there I realized that the heated discussion forced us to say things that we hadn't communicated before and gave us the chance to really be heard. So after Sweet Center went to bed I called an old friend. The one friend who witnessed our entire relationship and understood the little quirks. He told me that he had talked to Hubaa Hubba and knew that I had left. And he just listened. and listened some more. He offered words of encouragement, the type that a man offers when he feels sucked into a vortex and isn't sure that he's going to get out. And then asked me to breakfast the next morning.

That night I held onto Sweet Center and listened to him breathe in his little boy sleep. I didn't want to raise him alone. I wanted the relationship Hubba Hubba and I had promised each other. I wanted Sweet Center to have a mom and dad who loved and communicated even when it was hard so that it would work. I wanted him to know that people give a little and receive a lot in return in this thing called happily ever after.

So I get to breakfast the next morning at 10 and talk some more. This fabulous friend just continued to listen. oh, and he stole a glance or two at his watch. and then I knew why. Hubba Hubba walked in at 10:30. He walked right over and sat down like he was supposed to be there. Our dear sweet friend lays down his money and walks out the door. So it was just us. Staring at each other. And then I started to cry.

I told him that I wasn't going to sacrifice in my marriage. I wanted to be with someone who listened and helped and was there when I needed him. I wanted to be that wife, the one that all the other guys wished they were married to who actually made her husband's life better. I didn't want to be a nag but I wasn't going to compromise. I knew it was tough and I knew the chances were pretty slim that we would actually enjoy being an old married couple, but dammit, we had promised each other. and we had promised again when Sweet Center was born. I wanted him to know that love was more than just a four letter thrown around on Valentine's Day. Hubba Hubba listened and reached his hand across the table. He slowly said the words that would change the entire direction of our marriage, "I want that too, but how do we do it?"

I knew that our road back wasn't going to be easy and we spent more than a fair share of money on a therapist so that we could learn to communicate but it has been worth it. All ten years have been worth it.

I can honestly say that I'm married to a wonderful man who stepped up to the plate when many men would have run the other way. and he held onto me when I wasn't worth holding onto. The tough decisions we make are what actually show who we are and what we want out of life. and marriage.



ever thine.
ever mine.
ever ours.

Matt and Rachel
February 8, 1997

true wuv

Exhange with Sir Toots:

Me: "I love you!"

Sir Toots: "No, I wuv you!"

"No, I love you!!"

"NO! I wuv you, wots!"

"No, I love YOU, lots!"

"No, I wuv you to hundred!"

"Really? A hundred? That's alot, honey!"

"Well, I wuv you to 40!"

Colts Win! and Sweet Center explores the WWW

YEA COLTS! Superbowl 41 was totally awesome! The Boys got their Colts shirts and were all revved up for the game. Man, it was fun!
Okay, now that that's out of the way....
I totally cannot get my mind around Sweet Center being on the internet. He has to do some homework and state test prep, so I get the need for school stuff. But he likes going to another site where there are other children his age. It's very cool and there are lots of things to do.....but, I worry about the freaks out there. Hubba Hubba and I talked to him about "the ugly on the inside people" and how they might ask him personal information. He knows not to share his name, location and other vital stats. I just struggle with those people who are out there for the sole purpose of talking to boys his age. It totally creeps me to think about some jerko getting his kicks talking to a 9 year old kid. I know we have to be vigilant and stay on top of where he's going and truthfully I would rather he be on my mac since it's wireless and he can sit at the kitchen table and I can see him.

When I was a kid (yea, that makes me sound OLD and it totally sounds all freaky mommish) we didn't have this worry. On top of everything else, there's this. We have parental controls in place and filters galore, but it was so much easier when his biggest concern was making sure he could find his scooter so I could watch him play with the neighborhood kids. Refferering over a favorite toy or a basketball game was SOO easy. I wish I had appreciated it more. Now, now, comes the hard part.

Snow!

The flakes were those big-melt-on-your-tongue-ones that were just begging to be played with:



Sweet Center is playing with this beachball to improve his mad basketball passing skillz!
And immediately after this picture was taken I took Sir Toots inside and put a scarf on him. I also wrestled him down so that I could zip up the very cool Harley (read: leather motorcycle) jacket.
No children were harmed in the making of this picture :)

Special Contribution

Love this!



Hubba Hubba's sister created it in homage to our wedding march- The Star Wars Theme Song. No, not the Darth Vader song. This is the "real" theme song.

I look over at the man I've just promised to spend the rest of my life with and he's signaling to his buddies in the back of the chapel. I'm trying to figure out what's going on and as we're introduced as 'Mr. and Mrs. DeRusha' the freackin' Star Wars theme song comes on.

Now really, how could we not succeed after a beginning like that?

BTW, I believe the X is for 10 not because we're x rated or anything. But, if it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck....

Wow- Hubba Hubba has a big head

oh, did I just write that? Damn, I meant to say he has big toes. I think it's the Bond in him. Anyway, I was just on my fabulous sister in law's site and she has the picture up of Hubba Hubba and I. His head looks huge next to mine! It's the same picture I have on this blog, but I never noticed the circumference ratio before. I look like this sweet petite thing and truly that's a stretch. There's no truth in advertising 'round these parts! Maybe that's why I like the picture. That or the fact that we are both looking in the same direction. :)
As for Hubba Hubba, I don't think he can take a bad picture. Never in 12 years have I seen that man look horrendous when the camera captures him. Damn! That's what ticks me off about him. He's very pretty. But, really I do like it.

And? He's lucky. I mean like super freakin' lucky. I like that, too because I get to be a beneficiary of his luckiness. Like when the company he was working for just shut down his department down one day. That sucker had a great new job within a week! A week, I tell you! That's not normal!

Plus! He really he can't find clothes that don't look good on him. That is so irritating! I can't find decent jeans to save my soul and he has like 4 pairs that actually do justice to his backside.

Anyway, I figure he's a good catch. Even with his big head.

***Yes, that's a blatant plug on my SILs site. It's very good and you should check it out. Although, I think we have the same readership. but, if not....check it out. It's fun and free.
And if you have come here from her site, please just know that the philosophy behind this blog is that there really isn't one. It's pretty random stuff that I put out here, but you are welcome to comment and share your own thoughts. I babble about The Boys, Hubba Hubba and other things that pertain to us. Perhaps you will enjoy peering into our life.

Neat Site

http://www.imagechef.com

One of these days I'm actually going to get my interactive guru man to show me how to create links. I can manage pictures though, so that's something. Anyway, this site gives you a template and then you just drop in your name or message and you get this great little design.

Here's an example of something I whipped up:



How cute is that?
Go on, go out and play. It'll be good for you!

6 points and 3 rebounds

I have to give a quick shout out to Sweet Center and his basketball team, the Spurs. His team played their collective hearts out this weekend and they lost their basketball game in overtime to the #1 ranked team in our division. It was a hell of a sight to see him producing on both ends of the court! I missed seeing his two free throws, but it was the amazing thing to see a group of 8 and 9 year olds get their adrenaline on and push themselves beyond what they ever thought possible. Our coach this season has been hell bent on teaching them some solid fundamentals and creating a real team. So far it's worked amazingly well.

Look our Fury, we're coming after you in the finals! No referee is going to steal the second game from us, no matter who your coach is. :)

9 years 354 days and counting....

Our 10th anniversary is almost here. No, I'm not getting my big ole' fat party (remember, I did just quit my job) and so we have reached a compromise. We are putting a cd together. Like you used to do in high school when you had a mad crush on the boy in your math class and you just couldn't bear to be rejected and so all that teenage angst was put to use by making a mixed tape. Oh, wait, was that just me?
Anyway, Hubba Hubba and I are trying to create an album that encapsulates our relationship. I called dibs on Maddona "Like a Virgin" and Hubba Hubba told me that he wasn't sure that would spell love to people who will get the album, you know, like his mother. Damn, honey, we played that song at our wedding. He looked me and said, "yes, well, we didn't think you would still be around so it was okay to let you have a little fun then." I'm kidding, he didn't really say that. But, some of the people at our wedding thought it. Fortunately we've weathered a lot the last 10 years and we still get crazy mad googly eyes with each other. And I still insist on being his first kiss when he comes home in the evening. Don't laugh, I've had to shove children out of the way to make this happen some days!
Anyway, I know that several of you read this blog and don't comment, but I would so appreciate any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on songs that you think we should include on this album. We want to mail them out next weekend so that they actually arrive before our anniversary. So, please leave a comment or drop me an email (mrsderusha@gmail.com) if you have a suggestion. Or even a silly story to share that somehow involves us within the last 12 years because I need inspiration for the artwork that will accompany said album.

By the way, we had our preanniversary dinner this past weekend and had so much fun talking about how important many of you have been to us on this journey. We've had many good memories over the years and I'm not sure that just mailing you a cd will allow you to get that, but it's cheaper than a party and so it will have to do for now. :)

Toxic

Driving in the car today I heard the Britney song "Toxic" (yes, dear Internet, this means I need new music, I know this!) and I got to thinking about people in our lives that are toxic. Like the mom who recently shamed Sweet Center and others like her who feel the need to impose their negative outlook on our lives.

Because I love Google, I went straight to the source to ferret out solutions for dealing with toxic people and landed at so many sites that have various suggestions and solutions for dealing with these people that I just gave up trying to capture a picture or definition of this particular type of person. I figure that I know it when I see and experience it. And Hubba Hubba is really good at laying down the boundaries and saying NO when somebody is out of whack. He's really good at this, in fact. And he doesn't have the girly hang ups that I do. I worry that someone will get mad at me and how I will interact with them. He looks at me with that totally impatient look he only pulls out when I'm being an ass and says,"They're gonna be mad at you anyway, why let them control you?"

If you know me at all then you know I work to overcome my "foot in mouth syndrome" on a daily basis. This is the ability I have perfected to just spurt out whatever comes to mind. As I've gotten older I have really learned to question my motives for just saying whatever. I'm learning and getting better at reining myself in. Usually. Unfortunately I still have the tendency and it's hard to overcome sometimes. Like the other day, I felt it necessary to stand up for my sister. Well, yes she is a grown woman, and yes she is the oldest, but she's so darn nice that she doesn't always get what she wants because she's worried about hurting someone's feelings. I shoot first and then think about the other person. Does this make me a toxic person? I desperately hope not. And I know that this is in direct conflict with my fear that people will get mad at me. But, I'm beginning to think that maybe it isn't at all. Perhaps my fear of others anger is a result of opening my mouth for so many years and the fallout that inevitably resulted.

But, I'm learning. I'm learning about myself and learning that my past behaviors can't control today. And, as Hubba Hubba would asks why should it control me?

Why indeed?

Thursday Thirteen

13 Things I love about my new job:

13: No commute or spending all day in the car
12: I can go work out after The Boys are at school or on my midday break and no one cares
11: Being able to listen to The Ticket on the radio- funny sports channel that entertains and informs- all day (This is different then my New Year's resolution b/c this is funny stuff!)
10: Knowing that if I want to get paid, I have to work- this means that I get paid for what I accomplish, not just what some random computer program decides to dispense to me for my bonus.
9: Lunching with girlfriends whenever they have the time- my schedule no matter rules since I won't be on the other side of town when they are available.
8: Not wearing a suit! and the dry cleaning bill drops by half!
7: Being able to go to the grocery store in the middle of the day and thus not having to worry about crowds and yelling children
6: Walking to lunch in the other room
5: Knowing that I can pick up The Boys at 4pm and that my work day is done- if I want it to be
4: Petting Pep as I talk on the phone
3: Learning something new
2: It's not in healthcare!
1: The joy that comes from jumping off the cliff and knowing that it will only work if I work it!

That's the sound of 3 Boys exhaling....

The stress level in our house just dropped by about 20+ points because a decision has just finally been made and Mama's not doing 2 things at once anymore. I figure that puts us right above 'Normal' and somewhere below 'Crazy'.

That's right, boys and girls, I quit my job today. YEA!! I don't want to get into the specifics of what led me to this decision, but I do want to say that 2007 is going to be a good year for our family! No more relying on other people to decide what to pay me, now I work and then I get paid for what I produce. It's a big decision and one that we have been bouncing around for a few months. Hubba Hubba and I finally sat down this past weekend and punched in some numbers. It will work!~ and it will allow me to spend more time with The Boys.

I'm very excited! and I have to say a huge Thank You to Hubba Hubba for believing that I can do this! Or in his words, 'if I didn't believe you could do it then I never would have let you try'. :) That's faith! or something. But this should be fun!

February 4, 2007

GO COLTS!!! GO COLTS!!!
Look out Miami! The good ole' Colts are coming to take over the town! Look out Bears, you're tickets up and your quarterback will be exposed for the JV player that he is. :)

Now I just have to get Hubba Hubba moving on the hi def! I really need to see the look in Joseph Addai's eyes as he crosses the goal line!! Yes, we live in the city of America's Team, but we're really from Indianapolis and have hoped for this day for Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning for the last several years. Well, I should say that I just finally got Hubba Hubba on the football bandwagon this year. He was a freak last night when time ran out and we realized that Tom Brady wasn't going to make it happen for the Patriots. I don't believe he jumped that high when his children were born. :)


*** Some of you may recall that Miami is the city that ripped out our hearts last year during the NBA Finals- Please, dear God, let this be a sweet trip. *** I promise to let Sweet Center rewind every single Peyton Manning commercial that comes on without complaining, for at least 6 months, if we can watch THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS win the SUPER BOWL!!

No, The Stepford's no longer live at this address

Change is in the air around here. I have to make a major decision and at the same time make sure that Hubba Hubba is on board with the new status. I'm excited about the opportunities, but I know that he's not the risk taker that I am and he just wants to make sure that we will be able to feed The Boys and still put shoes on their feet. Hey, no problem there. I like shoes on my feet, too. Oh, and food. I really like food. I just like shoes a lot more. But, The Boys, I understand, they gotta eat. So, I'll keep plugging in the numbers and trying to figure out what I can do to make this a rational and responsible change. We'll see what's in store over the next few weeks. I just want to be in control of my future and feel that my contribution is worth all the work and time.

As for The Boys, we met with Sweet Center's teacher yesterday. Can I tell you how much I love this woman? I don't think we have ever had a teacher who totally "gets" him and what kind of kid he really is. It's so amazing to hear her say that she sees his tender side and understands his thinking process in the classroom. Pass some of that understanding this way, please because I don't understand his thinking process at home! :) Luckily she got the joke and told me that he just needs a little more attention and direction in the classroom, but that's he is so smart that sometimes it's frustrating for both of them. Evidently the whole gist of the problem is that Sweet Center just wants to finish. No particular reason why. He just wants to be done and on to the next thing, whatever it may be. So, this means that he's not reading the directions and being really sloppy when he does complete the work. I figure this means that he's destined to be a physician, but I don't think that will really happen if he has to repeat the 3rd grade! I hear medical schools are still picky about grades and those kinds of things. Anywhoo, our solution is to offer up rewards at home that will get his juices flowing. He is responsible for accurately completing his work and then having his teacher sign his calendar at the end of the day. If he gets a check and a + then he's given a 30 minute reward on one of his gaming systems at home. If not, then no games and no TV. (I gues this reward would make sense if you knew that Hubba Hubba and I don't currently allow any games or TV (except Mavs games) during the school week- See we feel that deprivation is the best way to make them tow the line.) A wonderful friend of mine suggested that we actually reward him and see what that gets us. It's a totally great idea and the fact that neither one of us thought of it means that we are so not qualified for this job!

As for Sir Toots.....well....as his Auntie Zeus says, 'he's an island unto himself.' I talked to his teacher about cutting him slack on his current shortage of the 'urge to please' in the classroom. I mean, really I get it. I know he needs to behave and be kind and say 'Please' and 'Thank you' at the appropriate times, but can we please remember that we're not raising the Stepford Clan? Hubba Hubba and I have talked with him and role played (yes, we really do the cheesy role play thing in our house) on how to get along with others. He knows what he needs to do. Being four and all just sometimes gets in the way. But, have no fear...we are on the lookout for his Urge to Please. If you find it, please return it. It really would be nice to have a totally compliant glassy eyed child in the house. Maybe the toy room would stay clean. :)



Stay warm outside! It's a frickin' ridiculous 37 degrees here! I think someone needs to remind ole' Mother Nature that this is Texas- not Wisconsin.

in 48 short hours

I had to head out of town for business. Gone less then 48 hours (roughly) and we have trouble on The Boy Front. I got a call on my drive back today from Sweet Center's teacher. Still having problems with the school work. Discussion ensues and I learn that he has detention this afternoon. For pure laziness and not taking his time on actually completing the assignment in a readable manner. Nice, but not a new problem. We'll have a meeting with her tomorrow after school to discuss with Sweet Center how really and totally important it is to do a good job. Hopefully problem solved by this time tomorrow.

As for Sir Toots, I walk in the door and see a note on the counter that contains phrases such as, 'just thought you would like to know' and 'what can we do to fix this?' The killer phrase was, "He has lost his urge to please." This means what? He's four, for crying out loud. I have no idea how to fix this. And why now? Please tell me this is a phase. A phase that came up within the last 48 hours and will be gone within the next 48.

Four is fabulous

I'm getting ready to be out of town for the next 3 days. No big deal, just the usual quarterly company meeting. But, this is the first time that Sir Toots has expressed any sort of trepidation to me traveling. When we talked about it last night hIs eyes popped and asked if I was ever coming back. Huge brown eyes looking at me like he couldn't believe that I would dare contemplate taking off into the wide blue yonder. After I assured him that I would be returning in plenty of time to get him off to school on Friday, he was much better. Promising to pick him up early made it even better.

I spent a little extra time getting him into bed. It was so nice to just lay in his bed with him and listen to him talk. He's finally at the age where he can remember things. Even if his sense of time is off, like talking about Papaw accidently cutting a hole in his blue and yellow pants "last night." Well, Sir Toots, I believe that happened when he was here at Christmas. Papaw was putting your air hockey table together and you got too close when you were trying to help. Do you remember that? He concentrates for a minute and then slowly looks at me and grins. "No, but your butts on fire!"

It's time for the botox treatments to begin.

Me picking up Sir Toots from daycare. He asks me to tie his shoe and when I bend down to his feet he points at my face.

Funny look on his face and he tells me "stop squishing them together."

"What are you talking about? My eyes? My eyes aren't closed."

"No Mom, right here."

And he leans in and puts his little chubby finger on the wrinkles that I have developed on my forehead since I had children and curls his lip at me. Like I'm old or something.

oh Sweet Center....

If you know him, then you know how tender his heart is and how I actually came to nickname him "Sweet Center" instead of just calling him "Messy Curly Haired Kid Who Like to Play Basketball".
So, we had an issue with a mother who was not so nice to him a few weeks ago. Sweet Center was rude to her kid and she was rude back to Sweet Center. I believe her exact words to me were, "I know that it was harsh, but I felt like he was being harsh to my kid and so that's just the way it is." To which I said, "Huh, I thought we were the parents and the responsible ones who were supposed to model adult behavior for our children". I didn't say this out loud, but I thought it and it helped me put her behavior into perspective. Unfortunately her kid is in Sweet Center's class at school. So not only is this kid around the corner from us, but Sweet Center has to see him everyday at school. Well, no wonder I got a call from the school yesterday that Sweet Center didn't feel good. He's not really wanted to go back to school from Christmas break and we just figured it was the typical back to school blues.

Unfortunately it's not. I got a call from his teacher today and we talked for a long time about how he's failed every paper he's turned in over the last two weeks. I mentioned the situation from over the holidays and she told me that she saw Sweet Center talking to this kid last week but they wouldn't tell her what it was about. I can't imagine how hard this must be on him. He is so sensitive and I imagine he's having a hard time seeing this kid since he was so embarrassed by his mother. So, Sweet Center is rushing through his paperwork to go to the bathroom and get on with his day. It's almost like he thinks if he rushes then his day will be over and he can come home.

Really, I can't understand this. I'm not that sensitive or nice. I don't know where this kid gets his sensitive spirit. It's absolutely beatiful and Hubba Hubba and I try to nurture it, but I don't always get it. I always figured that if other kids didn't like me them then screw 'em. I was fortunate in that I always had friends and didn't really suffer from any sort social phobias. Not that I was ever elected Ms. Popularity, but I never worried about other people and their opinions of me.

So, I'm thinking that I have to figure out some serious mom-empathy to help him through this. I can't talk to the mother since she's the one who created this situation. I'm not sure that she would actually rise to the occassion and do the right thing. At this point, we just have to move on. I just need to know how to help him do that.

Gosh, this whole parenting thing is hard. But, I wouldn't trade it to be a kid again.

A Good Man is Hard to Find....

Unless you get really really lucky! Fortunately I held onto mine and now I get to celebrate his awesomeness every January 9th.



Happy Birthday to Hubba Hubba!!

Thursday Thirteen

New Year's Resolutions:
(I have no idea if I really have 13, but here goes nothing....)

13. Wake up in time to really get a good breakfast on the table. Cold cereal is so 2006!
12. Have The Boys bags for the day packed and ready to roll the night before- I hear this is a great time saver! I need to practice this.
11. Learn true time management- not just hopping from something to something. I would really like the calm that comes with having it all pulled together before the shit hits the fan and I get stuck in traffic staring at a bus on fire listening to a 4 year old screaming, "Your butts on fire!~"
10. Straighten my hair at least once a week. I love how this really gets Hubba Hubba excited. Man, that sounds so sad. I think he likes a different look every now and then. HHHHHHMMMMMMMM.....Maybe that takes me to
9. Role playing....but it's a family blog so I won't go there. and so back to the regularly scheduled family.....
8. Find some new and exciting incentive to get The Boys to brush twice a day. I need them to understand that once a day doesn't really cut it.
7. Find a new favorite song that really makes me move when I am being all crabby. Any suggestions, oh Internet? My taste are varied and I really need to expand my horizons beyond just what is on the radio.
6. Buy real furniture and really organize my office. I plan on pulling some Feng Shui into the mix. Hopefully this will help with...
5. Enjoying my job. Whether it's with my current employer or a new challenge, I really want to appreciate what I have to do for 40 hours a week.
4. Not to listen to so much sports radio. I don't really need to know Dan Patrick's opinion on the whole Nick Saban mess. I mean really, does it add to my life any?
3. Show my appreciation to Hubba Hubba a little more. He knows he's special to me, but do I really show him everyday? Okay, well maybe not everyday- that would irritate the hell out of him- but perhaps just a bit more than I currently do. (Funny side note: I did a quick search to make sure I spelled irritate right and John Cleese's name came up at the top of the Yahoo page under definitions. Hubba Hubba would appreciate that.:))
2. Suck up whatever the hell is wrong with me and is causing this funny funk that I have found myself in for the last few months. Exercise much, missy? This would greatly help my attitude toward life in general. oh and a hot bath, that would be cool every now and then, too.
1. Show my love to all 3 of my boys this year in the small rituals and big excursions. I want them to know that I love this life I have and wouldn't trade it in for anything. Even new boobs and a slimmer ass.

Catch up...

Well, the packages have all been opened (except for the extras to go along with the XBOX for Hubba Hubba) and the trimmings are on their way into boxes. Hopefully all will be normal in our house by this weekend. We had an excellent holiday and it was full of love, family and sweet memories.

Sir Toots has a new thing and frequently shouts out "your butts on fire" to the nearest person. We're not exactly sure what this means, but hopefully this too shall pass, as they say. Because, really, my butts not on fire and I'm tired of checking. :)
Sweet Center enjoyed his time off from school. We had one minor altercation and he learned that adults can act like children when they don't stop and think. Seeing him cry because he made a mistake and then was humiliated for it was super hard on mom, but he's come through it okay. He was playing with a few kids and was rude to them when another boy came along that he really wanted to play with and decided to leave them. They wanted to come along and he told them no, it was just going to be him and this other kid. Ouch to them. Their mom got mad at him and instead of pointing out his mistake and how it made her boys feel, she reacted way too harshly and told him that if he was going to be that way that he couldn't come to their house and play- ever again. Yea, that's a nice thing to say to a 9 year old. Dude, he can't grasp the whole time thing waiting for his basketball game this weekend. So, I made a few calls to get the whole story and he's apologized to the boys he offended. Unfortunately you can't change time and take it back so we had to discuss how sometimes people say hurtful things and react without thinking, but really kid, you gotta include everyone when you play. Being left out is not a nice thing and it is hurtful. So, lesson learned, hopefully.

Other than that, things went super well over the holiday. I'm over my bout of pneumonia and back up and running on all cylinders. Hubba Hubba got his coveted XBOX and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I haven't lost him to an electronic mistress. I figure if I really have to drag out the lingerie and strut then I will, but I'm hoping it won't come to that. He doesn't really need those nightmares, no matter how naughty he's being!

I am so far behind on updating this thing and need to catch up. Trying to cram it all into one post isn't really fun b/c I leave out stuff. Like the sound of Pop's voice as he said grace over the Christmas meal. The sound of love covered in tears of joy was a special moment that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Surrounded by family and knowing that all is really well in the world was a magical moment that I will hold onto well past 2006. I'm trying not to look over my shoulder waiting on a smack in the face to pay me back for all my happiness.

Because, really, my butts been on fire several times over the last few days and that's enough for now.

Merry Christmas!

May your heart be full and surrounded by loving friends and family today.

If you have that, then in the immortal words of the great Chris Isaak, the rest is just pretty wrapping!!

God Bless you and yours.

13 Things I Want The Boys to Learn

13. How to really be friends with each other
12. How to give and receive love unconditionally
11. That life happens one day at a time
10. This means that you should enjoy something special in everyday
9. And that you shouldn't worry too much about what's going to happen b/c you have to roll with the punches anyway
8. That they are loved so much by so many people that it's a bit ridiculous
7. To follow their Father's example and grow into wonderful husband's and men of their own
6. Patience in all things
5. How to really laugh
4. That the companionship of a good dog is an amazing gift
3. To take responsibility for their actions
2. That faith is a personal and individual thing but they must decide what they truly believe, otherwise they will be like ships in a storm being swayed by every wind of opinion
1. That Hubba Hubba and I will love them beyond reason no matter what they say or do for their entire lives

I'm learning to really appreciate what treasures The Boys are to me and the things they teach me everyday are unbelievable. Whether it's an sweet gentle hug from Sweet Center just b/c he knows I need one or a silly giggle and a joke from Sir Toots, I only hope to pass along some of the wisdom they have shown me.

Giggle

They're on the loose!

The finish line is in sight!

Almost have gift buying wrapped up! Hubba Hubba and I finally sat down last night and listed out item by item what we have purchased so far for each one of The Boys. Sadly, Sweet Center's pile is twice the size of Sir Toots. I just haven't come across as much stuff that I know he will really like. Good news is that we did some serious brain wracking and I think we have it covered.

But, you know what I found out yesterday? Toys R Us is actually open until 12 midnight. No wimpy 10pm for them. I laughed and asked Hubba Hubba who the hell would be at Toys R Us at midnite?

Oh yes, that would be me after our brainstorming session.

Thursday Thirteen

This week it's what I love about the holidays in Texas:

13. It's 60 outside so all the children can go out and play!
12. All the lights are up on our street and it looks a Winter Wonderland. Did I mention it's 60 outside? Yes, well...that means we can WALK to look at all the lights.
11.The main holiday theme here is "Cowboy Christmas". Have you ever seen Santa in a ten gallon hat and spurs? It's very cute on top of the big tree by the big mall.
10. There's a sale at every store at the big mall and that means I can actually get all the presents The Boys have asked Santa for this year.
9. The friendly people at my local Toys R Us. I'm not kidding! They have been so helpful when I've been looking at stuff. One told me to come in at 8 this morning to check on the scooter that Sweet Center REALLY wants. He offered to give me his number and told me that I could call if I couldn't make it in and he would hold one for me.
8. The man in the neighborhood down the street has the most amazing display of lights synched to carols. It's the coolest thing to The Boys grinning as the watch it. And you know, since it's so warm we can roll down the windows in the car. That's nice.
7. I really do think that people are nicer here. I haven't had any issues with out of control shoppers. It's almost weird how polite everyone is being.
6. I believe the warm weather deserves another mention. :)
5. Being close to family. We get to see my 'country kin' this weekend and I hear Uncle Pete has oiled up all the machinery and the horses are ready for rides on the ranch. The Boys are going to have so much fun! Where else but the country can a 9 year old drive a truck that says "Texas Department of Mental Health and Retardation"? I'm so not kidding on this! It's hilarious to see Sweet Center behind the wheel with that emblem on the door!!
4. Listening to the all Christmas music station. It's total carols all the time.
3. Working on our list of things to do every night between now and Christmas. Baking cookies and watching a Christmas movie are on for tomorrow night. Sunday we are making our cards. It helps to get in the spirit since there is no snow on the ground.
2. Knowing that this coming year is going to be even better than 2006- Hubba Hubba has promised me a true vacation for our anniversary. I know it doesn't really have anything to do Texas Christmas, but it makes me happy to think about.
1. Being with The Boys as the watch boxes get unloaded from the UPS truck and realizing that they are presents from Grammy and Gramps! Oh boy!
Me: It looks like we're moving!
Sir Toots: We're Winners! Look at our prize. Everyone else is Losers!
Nice holiday spirit deep in the heart of Texas, huh? :)

The most wonderful time of the year~

We sent our emails to Santa tonight. Yes, I know it's terribly sad that we send emails and not an actual letter. But this site is really cool and you get an immediate response back from Santa! His letter mentions the items you requested and even a personal story from him. The magic of programming is an awesome site to behold through the eyes of a child!

We checked The Boys against the Naughty and Nice list. Sweet Center scores a B+ and Sir Toots is currently carrying an A- (because he keeps his room cleaner he scored a bit better than his brother! :)) The good news is that they were both told that if they work really hard over 'the next 12 sleeps' then they would definitely make the Nice list! I was worried when we started because we ended up at some generic site that just randomly assigned you to one of the lists and Sir Toots didn't register on the Nice list. Fortunately he can't read and I was able to close the window before Sweet Center read the whole page to him. Sir Toots was unbelievably sad when he heard he wasn’t on the Nice list. I was not quite prepared for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that occurred, but I told him that it was a site run by bad elves and wasn’t officially sanctioned by the big guy. I will admit to using the lists to my advantage and convincing them to help me gather up all the trash! I told them it would help with their points in the last days before Christmas. I’ve never seen ‘em move so fast! We then found the best site and answered a few questions. Santa said he needed us to answer the questions so that he would know if The Boys were being honest with him since he already knew how they were behaving. Totally the most clever thing I’ve ever seen!

I've been a bit worried about Sweet Center because he's been asking round about questions about Santa and I really thought we were sunk this year. But, luckily I do believe that this site saved the innocence of the season for him. Sitting with a calm Sir Toots in my lap and Sweet Center reading his letter out loud with a glow on his face, I know it made me believe again.

www.emailsanta.com

So, you come here often?

Hello. Do you remember me? Well, I've been a bit wrapped up and while I haven't forgotten that I have a blog, I have just forgotten what it means to have time to write for one. :) I haven't had anything witty or silly to share. Well, that's not true...I have, I just haven't had time to put it down. I FINALLY finished my final for school. I'm taking one frickin' class and it totally kicked my ass. Working, having kids, being a wife and trying to maintain a fairly decent grade for school has been extremely hard. Add in the mess I got myself into with work and it's been one helluva party. I made the stupid mistake of thinking that I could trust someone who I work with. I shared that I was looking at ways to earn a little extra cash and was working part time. Well, this translated to my boss that I was working part time for her and then spending my other days eating bon bons and working 2 days a week at another gig. Well, wouldn't that be nice? I would love to be able to do that. Unfortunately I can't. and really unfortunately this coworker took her misinterpretation of our conversation to my boss who totally overreacted. I'm now in deep trouble and even though another person who was privvy to the conversation backs me up, I'm still required to account for my time between the hours of 8am to 5pm. Now, I know that I can't bitch because many people are required to work solid during this time, but it's one of the perks of my job. I have autonomy during the day. I work and accomplish what I need to, but my job certainly doesn't lend itself to hour by hour accountability. Well, at least it didn't until last Tuesday. My worksheet details my time and I just have to suck it up "until further notice."

So, between that and comparing and contrasting the leadership styles of King Saul and King David, my brain is totally fried.
I do believe that I have 2 weeks until Christmas. This is good, because I have to do my shopping for The Boys. I think Toys R Us is open until 10pm and I just may have to take advantage of this extended time to get it done. And really, the hardest part is that we are trying to do Christmas with cash. No VISA for us this year. We tried it last year and it sorta worked. Hopefully this year we can be successful and enjoy January.

So, I promise to come up with something witty in the next few days. I really do. Besides, I'm finally done with my class. I haven't talked myself into signing up for another one in the Spring. I think I will in the next few days, but for now I'm holding off. Tomorrow I shall enjoy the peace of no class. A few of us are talking about getting together for margarita's. That definitely sounds like something I can find time for.

***Update on Sweet Center's basketball***
He's doing AWESOME! He has the best shot on the team and they are really and truly working their butts off on offensive plays and defensive manuevers. It's fun to watch them win! I don't have the humming in my belly that I get at a playoff Mavs games, but it's pretty darn close so far!

oh how I love to read these kinds of things/..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061128/ap_on_fe_st/long_marriage


It makes me close the computer and go wrap myself around Hubba Hubba like a monkey.

Good night.

Angel gifts and other blessings

Well, Thanksgiving was good. We spent time with the family and drug my poor Pop all over Dallas/Ft Worth. Celebrating the holidays with him is something that I really enjoy about being back in Texas and watching him with The Boys is a special treat for all of us.

One of the greatest things over the weekend was the purchase of the annual Angel Gift. We usually pull a name from the tree at the mall and then scout out a gift to leave on the same day. This year Sweet Centers class adopted a little boy and a little girl so we figured that would be a nice way to go and we knew that the kid lives in our community. Sweet Center brought the list home and we looked over the Needs and the Wants on his (we chose the little boy) list. The needs were things like clothes and socks. (To know a child needs these things renders my heart in two because I can't tell you how many times I've cursed at all the laundry that is done around here. With clothes still in the closet, I have an abundance of socks, underwear and all around ridiculous t-shirts to wash.) As for the Want items, he listed a bike. A bike, you know, like we have in our garage that never gets ridden because there are too many other toys to play with and it really doesn't seem all that cool outside of the store now, anyway.

So, Sweet Center wanted to buy the Want item-a bike. Of course, to a 9 year old buying a bike is way cooler then socks and shirts. I told him that we would see about it but couldn't guarantee that we would buy the bike ourselves. Maybe it would be something that we split with another family. He said he understood but still feels a bit of the shaft from the whole teacher gift episode from earlier this year. (If I haven't told you about how he got screwed on that whole thing and you really want to know, then call/email and ask. Writing about it now would be pointless since it's been resolved and all parties involved have been properly addressed. And really, it still ticks me off to no end!)

Anyway, over the weekend we go to Toys R Us to scout out some fun items for The Boys to put in their Dear Santa letter. We're walking every single aisle and I'm trying not to rush them when we wander into the bike area. Bright shiny bikes. Sweet Center looks at me and says, "We could do one these bikes for the little boy, Mom. They have a lot and we could find one for him." Yes, it's that feeling again. The one where you feel a bit guilty for all the things you have and others don't. Right there in the middle of the store, he looks at me with those big brown eyes and tells me that we should help other people. Yes, dammit, I know that! I just haven't figured out how to feed the world and bring about world peace. Oh, yes and still manage to balance the check book.

So, I'm going through that sales flyers later that day and see that Toys R Us is having a sale. On bikes. 50% off some models. I look up and see The Boys playing. All sweet and light. And then I realize that I don't have to save the whole world. Just do what we can to bring a smile to one little boy on Christmas. So, we all loaded up and went shopping for a bike.

It's red and shiny and Sweet Center thinks its perfect. Oh, we talked about sacrifice and how sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone to help others. Not exactly in those words because Hubba Hubba and I wanted to make sure that The Boys knew what we were talking about, after all.

And talking about it helped me realize that sometimes we forget. We forget the little things that we can do to make a difference. I can't feed everyone and I can't really jump in and help Bush figure out what to do with the mess he's made in Iraq, but we could spend $50 and buy a bike for a little boy who Wants one. And hopefully teach my children how lucky they are in the process.

Whooped

Wrestling and tickling on our bed with The Boys. It's their favorite pastime and delay tactic when we mention going to bed for the evening. They just know we can't resist!
Anyway, Sir Toots is struggling mightily to get the upperhand with Sweet Center. Pulling on the covers and trying to climb over me to get to him- the whole involved mess just to lay a finger on Sweet Center's belly and say that he's tickling him.
I swing out of the way and let Sir Toots fly by. He lands heads first, entire fist splayed on Sweet Center's belly.

"Whooo Hooo!" Sir Toots shouts
"He got WHOOPED!"



I told you there's magic in our house.

street lush

You all remember when I scared the neighborhood husbands in my pajamas, right?
Well, evidently I also have the tag as the 'Street Lush'.

We had a surprise party for one of the wives on the street the same night that another girl had an interior decorating party and none of us on the street could make it to both. Just received an email about the catalog for the party and she has invited us all down to for afternoon tea to take a look at the specials that were being offered only to us on. Limited Time Only, of course. Anyway, in her email she said she would open the alcohol cabinet if anyone wanted anything stronger then tea. AND THEN IN PARENTHESIS (..........RACHEL!)

What the hell does that mean?!? Now, I will admit to drinking at neighborhood gatherings, but I swear I could count on one hand the number of times I shouldn't have been behind the wheel of my car in the last year. And Hubba Hubba has always been with me and he never once told me that I was some kind of delinquent who has an issue with alcohol. I haven't been fall down drunk since....well, hell I don't know since when. Probably back when Hubba Hubba and I were dating and I WAS a deliquent who had a problem with alcohol. Not that he drove me to drink or anything. :) It's just been like 10 years since I've been out of control. I have found that the fear that I may get a call about The Boys severly curtails the ability to really let loose.

"Yes, hellllo, doctor. How is my son? Me? Drinking, why no, you silly man. I'm perfectly capapble of making important medical decisions in this state. No, really I'm fine. Please just point me in the right direction and all will be well."

Yea, that would be nice. And totally the fear that I live with whenever I consume more than 1 alcoholic beverage.

Although, I think I may start watching Desperate Housewives so I know how I'm really supposed to behave with my new title. Martini glass in one hand and doggy leash in the other watching the kiddos play in the street makes a nice picture, doesn't it? If I'm going to get the reputation, shouldn't I at least get to enjoy what I'm being accused of? I'm totally kidding. Really I am.

Until The Boys go off to college, I'm going to enjoy my 2 daily beverages in the privacy of my own home. 'Home Lush' has such a nicer ring to it.






*****Please note*****
This is a totally sarcastic post. I often use sarcasm (the lowest level of humor) to handle situations that irritate me. I really don't want to have that kind of reputation. But I don't think there's anything wrong with consuming an alcoholic beverage in front of The Boys. They need to know that everything in moderation is good. Besides, I live in Texas. Ain't nothing but Puritans around here. Except for the friend who sent me the email. We are the ones who do ocassionally enjoy a good mixed drink. We aren't sure about the rest of them.

AND, I know I missed Thursday 13. I tried to come up with 13 reason I like being married. Came up blank. Now, I am kidding. I told Hubba Hubba I was going to write something nasty about him and since he doesn't read this blog he won't ever know. :) We'll see if I get a response to that!

Please allow me to introduce you to Ms. Maria!

This is the woman who will save my sanity! I feel like Wonder Woman today! And she did all the work!

Who is this woman who can invoke such a change in me you ask? Why, please look closely and you will see that she is the new miracle maker who cleans, polishes, and wipes down every surface in our dust bunny infested home! I believe she found a nook or cranny that I haven't seen since before we moved boxes into our home on Dec 23rd, 2004.

I am revitalized! I actually feel that I can accomplish all that is inked on the to do list with my name! No dirty toilets lurking in the back of my mind. No longer are they calling out my name and wondering at the injustice of staying dirty from the last visit of certain Boys who insist upon leaving a bit of themselves behind. No lost books behind the bed! I do believe that Sir Toots was as surprised as I was when he looked into his closet and saw the floor! The floor, I say! The carpeting and nothing else!

I feel that I must begin the search for a cape. After all, Wonder Woman was nothing without her cape. If I am to continue to feel that I can accomplish all my tasks, I must be properly attired. I actually finished the laundry, a major report for work, and started on my final paper for school. Yes, all today! I tell you, this is magic! or maybe just bliss. Yes, I definitely think bliss is the right word.

I must admit though, the cape may have to wait. Sweet Center asked if I could be Room Mom for his class next year. He got a bit screwed by this year's mom and so he's hedging his bets and hoping that I will give him a better shake. I definitely don't feel up to the task of managing 30 kids and all 9 holiday parties. Regardless of how clean my toilets are.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I Learned from my Pop:

13) Never judge someone by one interaction. You never know what's going in their world.
12) Be patient.
11) Always say nice things, even when (especially when!) the dark & twisty side of me wants to come out and play.
10) Believe in the power of prayer.
9) That Education is invaluable. It could take me places, if I worked hard enough.
8) Dream. And then Believe in The Dream.
7) Loving someone sometimes hurts, but you get up and dust yourself off and try again.
6) That I'm a wife first and a mother second. I remember he told me this when Sweet Center was born. I've tried to follow it for nine years. I hope The Boys know that our love for them is made better by our love for each other.
5) Nothing beats a good movie and buttered popcorn for a little solid downtime.
4) Work Hard. No matter the job, do it right the first time.
3) Live One Day at a Time. You can't predict the future so there's no sense worrying about it.
2) How to Be Responsible for my actions.
1) That a Hug from someone you love is the greatest thing in the world.

Pop,
I'm not sure how to capture all the life lessons you have passed on to me. By your spirit and presence, I have learned many things that continue to shape the wife, mother, and person I am becoming. I am only beginning to understand the sacrificies you and mom made for us as a family. Thank you.
Here are the lyrics for the song I played for you at your 50th Birthday. It seems so like you and the love you have shared with me. I remember making you dance with me and it played on this old tape player that Aunt Crisi brought. You were so embarrased that I made you dance in front of everyone. Oh, how I love to hear you laugh like you did that day.

THAT'S MY JOB
Recorded by Conway Twitty
Writer: Hap Hall?

I woke up cryin' late at night - when I was very young
I had dreamed my father - had passed away and gone
My world revolved around him - I couldn't lie there anymore
So I made my way down the mirrored hall and tapped upon his door.

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid!
How would I go on, with you gone that way?
Don't wanna cry anymore
So may I stay with you?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Everything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Later we barely got along - this teenage boy and he
Most of the fights it seems - were over different dreams
We each held for me ...
He wanted knowledge and learning - I wanted to fly out west
"Said I could make it out there - if I just had the fare
I got half, will you loan me the rest?"

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid
Theres no guarentee in the plans I've made
And if I should fail, who will pay my way back home?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Ev'rything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Every person carves his spot - and fills the hole with life
And I pray someday I might - light as bright as he.

I missed Thursday Thirteen

For some reason, blooger lost this entry. It was originally posted on Friday, November 3, 2006.

Well, that didn't take long. I got it down for 2 whole weeks and then I missed a Thursday.

The list for the week is Friday Fifteen Things I Love about Sweet Center.


15) His excitement when he gets a 100 on a spelling test.
14) The generous way he shares everything with Sir Toots. Even when Sir Toots is being a stinker, his big brother always shares.
13) The look of total concentration on his face when he's playing video games.
12) The sound of his voice when he's reading a book for the first time out loud.
11) The way he barters and neogiates for everything!
10) How he always kicks the covers off at night. I can put them back on and yet they never stay put.
9) The way he plays with Sir Toots. So very kind. He once told some friends to be nicer to Sir Toots or they would have to go home.
8) The look on his face when I tell him to brush his teeth. You'd think I was telling him to go pull them out.
7) The sounds he makes when eating cereal. Slurp!
6) How brave he is when he gets his weekly allergy shot. One shot, each arm and no complaining.
5) The way his hair curls up and around his ears
4) The grin, oh gosh, the grin when he wants something really special. It lights up his eyes!
3) His hands. Big and yet small at the same time. They are so very lovely.
2) His snort when he really gets to laughing.
1) The way he curls up in my lap, still at nine, he loves to cuddle with Mama.

I originally meant to do a Friday Five and then I kept thinking of more things. He really is a magic kid

Acceptance

I realize that I usually wax poet about The Boys, but today I feel an irritation for our society. It’s born out of the inability to accept differences and the willingness to parlay into it into political gain. I will never be an eloquent enough writer to adequately portray my feelings, but I want to try.

The Ted Haggard story breaks my heart. For him personally, his children, his wife, and his congregation. And for us as a nation. How do I have the right to say anything? As a happy heterosexual wife and working suburban mother, his challenges and inner struggles are foreign to me. Evidently his struggle is something that even he has not yet come to grips with. As quoted on MSNBC.com: “I am a deceiver and a liar. There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life.”
A part of his life so ‘repulsive and dark’ that he feels he must drug himself up and hide away in order to give in to his inner struggle? Of all people, he should, at least at this point, be willing to admit that his homosexual tendencies are beyond choice. I stand in awe of his unwillingness to face that this is not something he can control. Not fear of exposure, not shame for his family, not a misguided spiritual belief, nothing could stop him from seeking out a relationship with another man.

The nation, or at least the one that Ted Haggard closely aligned himself to, is unwilling to give basic rights to others who have chosen to not wage a war against the same temptations. They should be allowed to celebrate their willingness to live authenically. Now, I do not mean temptation in the negative. I consider my own heterosexual tendencies a temptation. The temptation of another human being is a natural inclination, however most of us choose one man or one woman and therefore do not give in to our desires for another sexual partner. In the case of Mr. Haggard, he had one woman AND one man because our nation refuses to accept that biologically we are wired from birth with a preference. How much more could a charismatic leader like Mr. Haggard have accomplished if he had been allowed to pursue a natural relationship from an earlier age? Were he not battling demons, would he have had a greater impact on our society?

I know what the Bible says, I’ve read Paul’s teachings in Romans. I also know how he felt about being married, but that didn't stop me. Forgive me for being a bit peeved at the literalism, but are we to also believe that it’s okay to have two lovers like Abraham just to have a son? I believe David did a few things that were actually listed on the 10 commandments as pretty solid No-No’s. I believe it’s divinely inspired, not actually written in a literal day to day accounting.

If you know me very well, then you are aware of my strict religious upbringing. You know that I have a relationship with God the Father and Jesus the Son. I even let the Holy Spirit join us in the party quite frequently. I no longer speak in tongues, but I do pray in normal inadequate English and believe that He understands my heart and soul. I’m just sick to death of watching my spirituality being played on Fox News for the Value Voter (in James Dobson’s name) and watching an entire group of people choosing to elect representatives not based on the real issues that will matter to our children’s future, but the simple ones like who a person should love. And the liberals bloggers are just as bad right now. Hijacking the downfall of Mr. Haggard to use for policitcal gain is shameful and, quite honestly, I think that's worse than anything that some imagine happens in the closet.

Bloody noses and brain injuries

Yesterday I had to be downtown Dallas for a nursing conference and sometime after lunch I get a call from Sir Toots's daycare. Now, viewing caller id and seeing who it was causes my blood pressure to rise just a bit. I try not to panic as I answer it, but when she starts to tell me that there's been an accident I really start to feel the pressure in my chest. Evidently, Sir Toots was running full out and slammed into a pole. Now, I would be right there with you and your small chuckle over this simple playground accident if I hadn't heard him crying in the background. It was a sad cry, not the usual gale force that erupts in true pain. This was a sad little whimper. And I, well, I was 40 minutes away! Completely unable to give in to the itch in my arms to give him an all-the-way-around-hug. They said that they were able to get his bleeding nose under control, but the bump on his head was turning purple. I asked to talk to him on the phone and he doesn't answer me. I can hear a sniffle and then a jagged cry. He finally says, "Mama, I want you."

So, I'm SPEEDING through traffic yelling at the stupid Lexus who cuts me off on the Tollway and then proceeds to stay in my way almost the entire trip north. Then I hit every red light that has been put up in our town, the 2nd fastest growing city in America. Yes, Internet, that's a lot of red lights. I finally make it and run in to see Sir Toots. He's standing at the sink with his favorite teacher and I prepare myself. I must be calm for him so he doesn't know how bad it is. He turns to look at me and you really won't believe this, but he's laughing up a storm! Laughing! I have spent the last 33 minutes imagining every possible horrible thing that could be wrong with his brain and I've called his pediatrician to find out if it's possible to have a broken nose at four. My andrenaline died right there on the spot and I collapsed into a tiny chair and pulled him onto my lap.

So proud! oh, he's so proud of his injury. Ain't it cool that my nose is red and is still bleeding a bit. I AM MAN!

So, I take him to see Dr. Newton anyway, because I know that we will both feel better afterwards. Sir Toots, with his man crush on the pediatrician, and me, because I know that Dr. Newton will look into his eyes with a shining thingy that I don't have at home and tell me that Sir Toots is shaken but that I should keep him anyway. Daycare said that he was unresponsive for a few minutes after he slammed into the pole and so he was diagnosed with a slight concussion, but nothing serious. He starts to walk out the door and then turns back and says, "I think he'll be fine in the morning. No brain damage because it's a soft tissue injury, but sleep with him tonight and wake him every couple of hours just to make sure."

Very calmly, as if this comment shouldn't cause me alarm. Me? Nah, I don't worry about stuff when I'm told it will be fine. Can you feel the sarcasm across the airwaves? Hubba Hubba went to the book fair with Sweet Center and then tucked Sir Toots into bed after they came back. I slept with him tucked under my chin until he got irritated and moved to the foot of our bed.

The good news is that this morning he WAS fine and anxious to get back to his friends. As for me, I'm exhausted. I think I used up my annual supply of adrenaline.