Plan B

what is they say about the best laid plans? Well, that's where I seem to be with my work situation. I hate to even blog about my frustrations because it's going to get everyone all in tither and stressed about us. Please don't stress. Hubba Hubba provides well and so we still have shoes on our feet and food in the pantry. I don't know what to do with the food, but it's there just the same. I suppose that's something.

I'm just standing at the edge of a cliff.....I can clearly picture my tender stance.....holding my arms and ready to jump.....For some odd reason I seem to be wearing a long white nightgown. Creepy, because I don't own of those. I'm sure Hubba Hubba would burn it pretty qucikly if I walked out of the bathroom wearing one, anyway. Hopefully he would let me take it off before he lit the match.

But, I digress.....I don't think I was prepared for the ups and downs in this business. I hate the feeling that I'm putting pressure on Hubba Hubba to be the sole supporter. Even when I stayed home with The Boys during their respective first year, I tried to really contribute. For crying out loud, I still have Ms. Maria come and clean the house because I just don't have the time (or inclination) to scrub me some toilets clean. I've been picking The Boys up at 3p and they really enjoy being home earlier. And they are learning that I'm working and I can't go out and toss a ball. But having them here prompts me to wrap it up and go out and play before our normal time. So, that's something else, I suppose.

It's just that I don't how I'm contributing now. I'm certainly not adding to the family coffers. and yet, I'm working so I can't technically call it a day and go to the park. I'm not a stay at home mom and I'm not sure you could me a working mom either. I do believe that in typical fashion, you have to bring in money to be technically considered working.

It will come...I know it will. Like the little blue engine that could....I'm pushing on and believing someone with way more experience in this field than me that it's going to work....

I just wish I could feel a definite success. I'm tired of standing here waiting for something to happen. I want to MAKE it happen.