Merry Christmas!

May your heart be full and surrounded by loving friends and family today.

If you have that, then in the immortal words of the great Chris Isaak, the rest is just pretty wrapping!!

God Bless you and yours.

13 Things I Want The Boys to Learn

13. How to really be friends with each other
12. How to give and receive love unconditionally
11. That life happens one day at a time
10. This means that you should enjoy something special in everyday
9. And that you shouldn't worry too much about what's going to happen b/c you have to roll with the punches anyway
8. That they are loved so much by so many people that it's a bit ridiculous
7. To follow their Father's example and grow into wonderful husband's and men of their own
6. Patience in all things
5. How to really laugh
4. That the companionship of a good dog is an amazing gift
3. To take responsibility for their actions
2. That faith is a personal and individual thing but they must decide what they truly believe, otherwise they will be like ships in a storm being swayed by every wind of opinion
1. That Hubba Hubba and I will love them beyond reason no matter what they say or do for their entire lives

I'm learning to really appreciate what treasures The Boys are to me and the things they teach me everyday are unbelievable. Whether it's an sweet gentle hug from Sweet Center just b/c he knows I need one or a silly giggle and a joke from Sir Toots, I only hope to pass along some of the wisdom they have shown me.

Giggle

They're on the loose!

The finish line is in sight!

Almost have gift buying wrapped up! Hubba Hubba and I finally sat down last night and listed out item by item what we have purchased so far for each one of The Boys. Sadly, Sweet Center's pile is twice the size of Sir Toots. I just haven't come across as much stuff that I know he will really like. Good news is that we did some serious brain wracking and I think we have it covered.

But, you know what I found out yesterday? Toys R Us is actually open until 12 midnight. No wimpy 10pm for them. I laughed and asked Hubba Hubba who the hell would be at Toys R Us at midnite?

Oh yes, that would be me after our brainstorming session.

Thursday Thirteen

This week it's what I love about the holidays in Texas:

13. It's 60 outside so all the children can go out and play!
12. All the lights are up on our street and it looks a Winter Wonderland. Did I mention it's 60 outside? Yes, well...that means we can WALK to look at all the lights.
11.The main holiday theme here is "Cowboy Christmas". Have you ever seen Santa in a ten gallon hat and spurs? It's very cute on top of the big tree by the big mall.
10. There's a sale at every store at the big mall and that means I can actually get all the presents The Boys have asked Santa for this year.
9. The friendly people at my local Toys R Us. I'm not kidding! They have been so helpful when I've been looking at stuff. One told me to come in at 8 this morning to check on the scooter that Sweet Center REALLY wants. He offered to give me his number and told me that I could call if I couldn't make it in and he would hold one for me.
8. The man in the neighborhood down the street has the most amazing display of lights synched to carols. It's the coolest thing to The Boys grinning as the watch it. And you know, since it's so warm we can roll down the windows in the car. That's nice.
7. I really do think that people are nicer here. I haven't had any issues with out of control shoppers. It's almost weird how polite everyone is being.
6. I believe the warm weather deserves another mention. :)
5. Being close to family. We get to see my 'country kin' this weekend and I hear Uncle Pete has oiled up all the machinery and the horses are ready for rides on the ranch. The Boys are going to have so much fun! Where else but the country can a 9 year old drive a truck that says "Texas Department of Mental Health and Retardation"? I'm so not kidding on this! It's hilarious to see Sweet Center behind the wheel with that emblem on the door!!
4. Listening to the all Christmas music station. It's total carols all the time.
3. Working on our list of things to do every night between now and Christmas. Baking cookies and watching a Christmas movie are on for tomorrow night. Sunday we are making our cards. It helps to get in the spirit since there is no snow on the ground.
2. Knowing that this coming year is going to be even better than 2006- Hubba Hubba has promised me a true vacation for our anniversary. I know it doesn't really have anything to do Texas Christmas, but it makes me happy to think about.
1. Being with The Boys as the watch boxes get unloaded from the UPS truck and realizing that they are presents from Grammy and Gramps! Oh boy!
Me: It looks like we're moving!
Sir Toots: We're Winners! Look at our prize. Everyone else is Losers!
Nice holiday spirit deep in the heart of Texas, huh? :)

The most wonderful time of the year~

We sent our emails to Santa tonight. Yes, I know it's terribly sad that we send emails and not an actual letter. But this site is really cool and you get an immediate response back from Santa! His letter mentions the items you requested and even a personal story from him. The magic of programming is an awesome site to behold through the eyes of a child!

We checked The Boys against the Naughty and Nice list. Sweet Center scores a B+ and Sir Toots is currently carrying an A- (because he keeps his room cleaner he scored a bit better than his brother! :)) The good news is that they were both told that if they work really hard over 'the next 12 sleeps' then they would definitely make the Nice list! I was worried when we started because we ended up at some generic site that just randomly assigned you to one of the lists and Sir Toots didn't register on the Nice list. Fortunately he can't read and I was able to close the window before Sweet Center read the whole page to him. Sir Toots was unbelievably sad when he heard he wasn’t on the Nice list. I was not quite prepared for the wailing and gnashing of teeth that occurred, but I told him that it was a site run by bad elves and wasn’t officially sanctioned by the big guy. I will admit to using the lists to my advantage and convincing them to help me gather up all the trash! I told them it would help with their points in the last days before Christmas. I’ve never seen ‘em move so fast! We then found the best site and answered a few questions. Santa said he needed us to answer the questions so that he would know if The Boys were being honest with him since he already knew how they were behaving. Totally the most clever thing I’ve ever seen!

I've been a bit worried about Sweet Center because he's been asking round about questions about Santa and I really thought we were sunk this year. But, luckily I do believe that this site saved the innocence of the season for him. Sitting with a calm Sir Toots in my lap and Sweet Center reading his letter out loud with a glow on his face, I know it made me believe again.

www.emailsanta.com

So, you come here often?

Hello. Do you remember me? Well, I've been a bit wrapped up and while I haven't forgotten that I have a blog, I have just forgotten what it means to have time to write for one. :) I haven't had anything witty or silly to share. Well, that's not true...I have, I just haven't had time to put it down. I FINALLY finished my final for school. I'm taking one frickin' class and it totally kicked my ass. Working, having kids, being a wife and trying to maintain a fairly decent grade for school has been extremely hard. Add in the mess I got myself into with work and it's been one helluva party. I made the stupid mistake of thinking that I could trust someone who I work with. I shared that I was looking at ways to earn a little extra cash and was working part time. Well, this translated to my boss that I was working part time for her and then spending my other days eating bon bons and working 2 days a week at another gig. Well, wouldn't that be nice? I would love to be able to do that. Unfortunately I can't. and really unfortunately this coworker took her misinterpretation of our conversation to my boss who totally overreacted. I'm now in deep trouble and even though another person who was privvy to the conversation backs me up, I'm still required to account for my time between the hours of 8am to 5pm. Now, I know that I can't bitch because many people are required to work solid during this time, but it's one of the perks of my job. I have autonomy during the day. I work and accomplish what I need to, but my job certainly doesn't lend itself to hour by hour accountability. Well, at least it didn't until last Tuesday. My worksheet details my time and I just have to suck it up "until further notice."

So, between that and comparing and contrasting the leadership styles of King Saul and King David, my brain is totally fried.
I do believe that I have 2 weeks until Christmas. This is good, because I have to do my shopping for The Boys. I think Toys R Us is open until 10pm and I just may have to take advantage of this extended time to get it done. And really, the hardest part is that we are trying to do Christmas with cash. No VISA for us this year. We tried it last year and it sorta worked. Hopefully this year we can be successful and enjoy January.

So, I promise to come up with something witty in the next few days. I really do. Besides, I'm finally done with my class. I haven't talked myself into signing up for another one in the Spring. I think I will in the next few days, but for now I'm holding off. Tomorrow I shall enjoy the peace of no class. A few of us are talking about getting together for margarita's. That definitely sounds like something I can find time for.

***Update on Sweet Center's basketball***
He's doing AWESOME! He has the best shot on the team and they are really and truly working their butts off on offensive plays and defensive manuevers. It's fun to watch them win! I don't have the humming in my belly that I get at a playoff Mavs games, but it's pretty darn close so far!

oh how I love to read these kinds of things/..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061128/ap_on_fe_st/long_marriage


It makes me close the computer and go wrap myself around Hubba Hubba like a monkey.

Good night.

Angel gifts and other blessings

Well, Thanksgiving was good. We spent time with the family and drug my poor Pop all over Dallas/Ft Worth. Celebrating the holidays with him is something that I really enjoy about being back in Texas and watching him with The Boys is a special treat for all of us.

One of the greatest things over the weekend was the purchase of the annual Angel Gift. We usually pull a name from the tree at the mall and then scout out a gift to leave on the same day. This year Sweet Centers class adopted a little boy and a little girl so we figured that would be a nice way to go and we knew that the kid lives in our community. Sweet Center brought the list home and we looked over the Needs and the Wants on his (we chose the little boy) list. The needs were things like clothes and socks. (To know a child needs these things renders my heart in two because I can't tell you how many times I've cursed at all the laundry that is done around here. With clothes still in the closet, I have an abundance of socks, underwear and all around ridiculous t-shirts to wash.) As for the Want items, he listed a bike. A bike, you know, like we have in our garage that never gets ridden because there are too many other toys to play with and it really doesn't seem all that cool outside of the store now, anyway.

So, Sweet Center wanted to buy the Want item-a bike. Of course, to a 9 year old buying a bike is way cooler then socks and shirts. I told him that we would see about it but couldn't guarantee that we would buy the bike ourselves. Maybe it would be something that we split with another family. He said he understood but still feels a bit of the shaft from the whole teacher gift episode from earlier this year. (If I haven't told you about how he got screwed on that whole thing and you really want to know, then call/email and ask. Writing about it now would be pointless since it's been resolved and all parties involved have been properly addressed. And really, it still ticks me off to no end!)

Anyway, over the weekend we go to Toys R Us to scout out some fun items for The Boys to put in their Dear Santa letter. We're walking every single aisle and I'm trying not to rush them when we wander into the bike area. Bright shiny bikes. Sweet Center looks at me and says, "We could do one these bikes for the little boy, Mom. They have a lot and we could find one for him." Yes, it's that feeling again. The one where you feel a bit guilty for all the things you have and others don't. Right there in the middle of the store, he looks at me with those big brown eyes and tells me that we should help other people. Yes, dammit, I know that! I just haven't figured out how to feed the world and bring about world peace. Oh, yes and still manage to balance the check book.

So, I'm going through that sales flyers later that day and see that Toys R Us is having a sale. On bikes. 50% off some models. I look up and see The Boys playing. All sweet and light. And then I realize that I don't have to save the whole world. Just do what we can to bring a smile to one little boy on Christmas. So, we all loaded up and went shopping for a bike.

It's red and shiny and Sweet Center thinks its perfect. Oh, we talked about sacrifice and how sometimes you have to step outside of your comfort zone to help others. Not exactly in those words because Hubba Hubba and I wanted to make sure that The Boys knew what we were talking about, after all.

And talking about it helped me realize that sometimes we forget. We forget the little things that we can do to make a difference. I can't feed everyone and I can't really jump in and help Bush figure out what to do with the mess he's made in Iraq, but we could spend $50 and buy a bike for a little boy who Wants one. And hopefully teach my children how lucky they are in the process.

Whooped

Wrestling and tickling on our bed with The Boys. It's their favorite pastime and delay tactic when we mention going to bed for the evening. They just know we can't resist!
Anyway, Sir Toots is struggling mightily to get the upperhand with Sweet Center. Pulling on the covers and trying to climb over me to get to him- the whole involved mess just to lay a finger on Sweet Center's belly and say that he's tickling him.
I swing out of the way and let Sir Toots fly by. He lands heads first, entire fist splayed on Sweet Center's belly.

"Whooo Hooo!" Sir Toots shouts
"He got WHOOPED!"



I told you there's magic in our house.

street lush

You all remember when I scared the neighborhood husbands in my pajamas, right?
Well, evidently I also have the tag as the 'Street Lush'.

We had a surprise party for one of the wives on the street the same night that another girl had an interior decorating party and none of us on the street could make it to both. Just received an email about the catalog for the party and she has invited us all down to for afternoon tea to take a look at the specials that were being offered only to us on. Limited Time Only, of course. Anyway, in her email she said she would open the alcohol cabinet if anyone wanted anything stronger then tea. AND THEN IN PARENTHESIS (..........RACHEL!)

What the hell does that mean?!? Now, I will admit to drinking at neighborhood gatherings, but I swear I could count on one hand the number of times I shouldn't have been behind the wheel of my car in the last year. And Hubba Hubba has always been with me and he never once told me that I was some kind of delinquent who has an issue with alcohol. I haven't been fall down drunk since....well, hell I don't know since when. Probably back when Hubba Hubba and I were dating and I WAS a deliquent who had a problem with alcohol. Not that he drove me to drink or anything. :) It's just been like 10 years since I've been out of control. I have found that the fear that I may get a call about The Boys severly curtails the ability to really let loose.

"Yes, hellllo, doctor. How is my son? Me? Drinking, why no, you silly man. I'm perfectly capapble of making important medical decisions in this state. No, really I'm fine. Please just point me in the right direction and all will be well."

Yea, that would be nice. And totally the fear that I live with whenever I consume more than 1 alcoholic beverage.

Although, I think I may start watching Desperate Housewives so I know how I'm really supposed to behave with my new title. Martini glass in one hand and doggy leash in the other watching the kiddos play in the street makes a nice picture, doesn't it? If I'm going to get the reputation, shouldn't I at least get to enjoy what I'm being accused of? I'm totally kidding. Really I am.

Until The Boys go off to college, I'm going to enjoy my 2 daily beverages in the privacy of my own home. 'Home Lush' has such a nicer ring to it.






*****Please note*****
This is a totally sarcastic post. I often use sarcasm (the lowest level of humor) to handle situations that irritate me. I really don't want to have that kind of reputation. But I don't think there's anything wrong with consuming an alcoholic beverage in front of The Boys. They need to know that everything in moderation is good. Besides, I live in Texas. Ain't nothing but Puritans around here. Except for the friend who sent me the email. We are the ones who do ocassionally enjoy a good mixed drink. We aren't sure about the rest of them.

AND, I know I missed Thursday 13. I tried to come up with 13 reason I like being married. Came up blank. Now, I am kidding. I told Hubba Hubba I was going to write something nasty about him and since he doesn't read this blog he won't ever know. :) We'll see if I get a response to that!

Please allow me to introduce you to Ms. Maria!

This is the woman who will save my sanity! I feel like Wonder Woman today! And she did all the work!

Who is this woman who can invoke such a change in me you ask? Why, please look closely and you will see that she is the new miracle maker who cleans, polishes, and wipes down every surface in our dust bunny infested home! I believe she found a nook or cranny that I haven't seen since before we moved boxes into our home on Dec 23rd, 2004.

I am revitalized! I actually feel that I can accomplish all that is inked on the to do list with my name! No dirty toilets lurking in the back of my mind. No longer are they calling out my name and wondering at the injustice of staying dirty from the last visit of certain Boys who insist upon leaving a bit of themselves behind. No lost books behind the bed! I do believe that Sir Toots was as surprised as I was when he looked into his closet and saw the floor! The floor, I say! The carpeting and nothing else!

I feel that I must begin the search for a cape. After all, Wonder Woman was nothing without her cape. If I am to continue to feel that I can accomplish all my tasks, I must be properly attired. I actually finished the laundry, a major report for work, and started on my final paper for school. Yes, all today! I tell you, this is magic! or maybe just bliss. Yes, I definitely think bliss is the right word.

I must admit though, the cape may have to wait. Sweet Center asked if I could be Room Mom for his class next year. He got a bit screwed by this year's mom and so he's hedging his bets and hoping that I will give him a better shake. I definitely don't feel up to the task of managing 30 kids and all 9 holiday parties. Regardless of how clean my toilets are.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I Learned from my Pop:

13) Never judge someone by one interaction. You never know what's going in their world.
12) Be patient.
11) Always say nice things, even when (especially when!) the dark & twisty side of me wants to come out and play.
10) Believe in the power of prayer.
9) That Education is invaluable. It could take me places, if I worked hard enough.
8) Dream. And then Believe in The Dream.
7) Loving someone sometimes hurts, but you get up and dust yourself off and try again.
6) That I'm a wife first and a mother second. I remember he told me this when Sweet Center was born. I've tried to follow it for nine years. I hope The Boys know that our love for them is made better by our love for each other.
5) Nothing beats a good movie and buttered popcorn for a little solid downtime.
4) Work Hard. No matter the job, do it right the first time.
3) Live One Day at a Time. You can't predict the future so there's no sense worrying about it.
2) How to Be Responsible for my actions.
1) That a Hug from someone you love is the greatest thing in the world.

Pop,
I'm not sure how to capture all the life lessons you have passed on to me. By your spirit and presence, I have learned many things that continue to shape the wife, mother, and person I am becoming. I am only beginning to understand the sacrificies you and mom made for us as a family. Thank you.
Here are the lyrics for the song I played for you at your 50th Birthday. It seems so like you and the love you have shared with me. I remember making you dance with me and it played on this old tape player that Aunt Crisi brought. You were so embarrased that I made you dance in front of everyone. Oh, how I love to hear you laugh like you did that day.

THAT'S MY JOB
Recorded by Conway Twitty
Writer: Hap Hall?

I woke up cryin' late at night - when I was very young
I had dreamed my father - had passed away and gone
My world revolved around him - I couldn't lie there anymore
So I made my way down the mirrored hall and tapped upon his door.

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid!
How would I go on, with you gone that way?
Don't wanna cry anymore
So may I stay with you?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Everything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Later we barely got along - this teenage boy and he
Most of the fights it seems - were over different dreams
We each held for me ...
He wanted knowledge and learning - I wanted to fly out west
"Said I could make it out there - if I just had the fare
I got half, will you loan me the rest?"

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid
Theres no guarentee in the plans I've made
And if I should fail, who will pay my way back home?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Ev'rything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Every person carves his spot - and fills the hole with life
And I pray someday I might - light as bright as he.

I missed Thursday Thirteen

For some reason, blooger lost this entry. It was originally posted on Friday, November 3, 2006.

Well, that didn't take long. I got it down for 2 whole weeks and then I missed a Thursday.

The list for the week is Friday Fifteen Things I Love about Sweet Center.


15) His excitement when he gets a 100 on a spelling test.
14) The generous way he shares everything with Sir Toots. Even when Sir Toots is being a stinker, his big brother always shares.
13) The look of total concentration on his face when he's playing video games.
12) The sound of his voice when he's reading a book for the first time out loud.
11) The way he barters and neogiates for everything!
10) How he always kicks the covers off at night. I can put them back on and yet they never stay put.
9) The way he plays with Sir Toots. So very kind. He once told some friends to be nicer to Sir Toots or they would have to go home.
8) The look on his face when I tell him to brush his teeth. You'd think I was telling him to go pull them out.
7) The sounds he makes when eating cereal. Slurp!
6) How brave he is when he gets his weekly allergy shot. One shot, each arm and no complaining.
5) The way his hair curls up and around his ears
4) The grin, oh gosh, the grin when he wants something really special. It lights up his eyes!
3) His hands. Big and yet small at the same time. They are so very lovely.
2) His snort when he really gets to laughing.
1) The way he curls up in my lap, still at nine, he loves to cuddle with Mama.

I originally meant to do a Friday Five and then I kept thinking of more things. He really is a magic kid

Acceptance

I realize that I usually wax poet about The Boys, but today I feel an irritation for our society. It’s born out of the inability to accept differences and the willingness to parlay into it into political gain. I will never be an eloquent enough writer to adequately portray my feelings, but I want to try.

The Ted Haggard story breaks my heart. For him personally, his children, his wife, and his congregation. And for us as a nation. How do I have the right to say anything? As a happy heterosexual wife and working suburban mother, his challenges and inner struggles are foreign to me. Evidently his struggle is something that even he has not yet come to grips with. As quoted on MSNBC.com: “I am a deceiver and a liar. There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life.”
A part of his life so ‘repulsive and dark’ that he feels he must drug himself up and hide away in order to give in to his inner struggle? Of all people, he should, at least at this point, be willing to admit that his homosexual tendencies are beyond choice. I stand in awe of his unwillingness to face that this is not something he can control. Not fear of exposure, not shame for his family, not a misguided spiritual belief, nothing could stop him from seeking out a relationship with another man.

The nation, or at least the one that Ted Haggard closely aligned himself to, is unwilling to give basic rights to others who have chosen to not wage a war against the same temptations. They should be allowed to celebrate their willingness to live authenically. Now, I do not mean temptation in the negative. I consider my own heterosexual tendencies a temptation. The temptation of another human being is a natural inclination, however most of us choose one man or one woman and therefore do not give in to our desires for another sexual partner. In the case of Mr. Haggard, he had one woman AND one man because our nation refuses to accept that biologically we are wired from birth with a preference. How much more could a charismatic leader like Mr. Haggard have accomplished if he had been allowed to pursue a natural relationship from an earlier age? Were he not battling demons, would he have had a greater impact on our society?

I know what the Bible says, I’ve read Paul’s teachings in Romans. I also know how he felt about being married, but that didn't stop me. Forgive me for being a bit peeved at the literalism, but are we to also believe that it’s okay to have two lovers like Abraham just to have a son? I believe David did a few things that were actually listed on the 10 commandments as pretty solid No-No’s. I believe it’s divinely inspired, not actually written in a literal day to day accounting.

If you know me very well, then you are aware of my strict religious upbringing. You know that I have a relationship with God the Father and Jesus the Son. I even let the Holy Spirit join us in the party quite frequently. I no longer speak in tongues, but I do pray in normal inadequate English and believe that He understands my heart and soul. I’m just sick to death of watching my spirituality being played on Fox News for the Value Voter (in James Dobson’s name) and watching an entire group of people choosing to elect representatives not based on the real issues that will matter to our children’s future, but the simple ones like who a person should love. And the liberals bloggers are just as bad right now. Hijacking the downfall of Mr. Haggard to use for policitcal gain is shameful and, quite honestly, I think that's worse than anything that some imagine happens in the closet.

Bloody noses and brain injuries

Yesterday I had to be downtown Dallas for a nursing conference and sometime after lunch I get a call from Sir Toots's daycare. Now, viewing caller id and seeing who it was causes my blood pressure to rise just a bit. I try not to panic as I answer it, but when she starts to tell me that there's been an accident I really start to feel the pressure in my chest. Evidently, Sir Toots was running full out and slammed into a pole. Now, I would be right there with you and your small chuckle over this simple playground accident if I hadn't heard him crying in the background. It was a sad cry, not the usual gale force that erupts in true pain. This was a sad little whimper. And I, well, I was 40 minutes away! Completely unable to give in to the itch in my arms to give him an all-the-way-around-hug. They said that they were able to get his bleeding nose under control, but the bump on his head was turning purple. I asked to talk to him on the phone and he doesn't answer me. I can hear a sniffle and then a jagged cry. He finally says, "Mama, I want you."

So, I'm SPEEDING through traffic yelling at the stupid Lexus who cuts me off on the Tollway and then proceeds to stay in my way almost the entire trip north. Then I hit every red light that has been put up in our town, the 2nd fastest growing city in America. Yes, Internet, that's a lot of red lights. I finally make it and run in to see Sir Toots. He's standing at the sink with his favorite teacher and I prepare myself. I must be calm for him so he doesn't know how bad it is. He turns to look at me and you really won't believe this, but he's laughing up a storm! Laughing! I have spent the last 33 minutes imagining every possible horrible thing that could be wrong with his brain and I've called his pediatrician to find out if it's possible to have a broken nose at four. My andrenaline died right there on the spot and I collapsed into a tiny chair and pulled him onto my lap.

So proud! oh, he's so proud of his injury. Ain't it cool that my nose is red and is still bleeding a bit. I AM MAN!

So, I take him to see Dr. Newton anyway, because I know that we will both feel better afterwards. Sir Toots, with his man crush on the pediatrician, and me, because I know that Dr. Newton will look into his eyes with a shining thingy that I don't have at home and tell me that Sir Toots is shaken but that I should keep him anyway. Daycare said that he was unresponsive for a few minutes after he slammed into the pole and so he was diagnosed with a slight concussion, but nothing serious. He starts to walk out the door and then turns back and says, "I think he'll be fine in the morning. No brain damage because it's a soft tissue injury, but sleep with him tonight and wake him every couple of hours just to make sure."

Very calmly, as if this comment shouldn't cause me alarm. Me? Nah, I don't worry about stuff when I'm told it will be fine. Can you feel the sarcasm across the airwaves? Hubba Hubba went to the book fair with Sweet Center and then tucked Sir Toots into bed after they came back. I slept with him tucked under my chin until he got irritated and moved to the foot of our bed.

The good news is that this morning he WAS fine and anxious to get back to his friends. As for me, I'm exhausted. I think I used up my annual supply of adrenaline.

Halloween

So we're digging through the haul and I'm making sure that it's safe for The Boys to dive in and start chomping on the candy. No knives or blades to be found. I did, however, come across a pamphlet labeled "You are Special! Do you want to know why?" It's one of those ramdom spiritual guides set out to make a biblical impression on young children. Well, I do my own version of that and we do talk about God and the things that He does for us. I try to not be too preachy, but I do share my own personal faith with them. Anyway, I read the title out loud and Hubba Hubba says, "Well, this is Texas." Sir Toots looks at me and says, "I am Speshal. I already knew that."

Yes, Sir Toots, standing there in your Anakin outfit smelling of chocolate, you are definitely Speshal. I don't need a pamphlet to tell me why.

Plain Regular Mom

So, tomorrow is Halloween. We have our costumes and we're ready to go. All of us that is except for Hubba Hubba. For some reason he's not up into the whole putting on a costume thing. I think it has something to do with the fact that he has to wear a tie to work everyday. Perhaps that feels like dressing up to him and that's enough! I won't push, I understand. My boss had the audacity to suggest that we, as sales reps, should dress up when we call on our accounts. UUHHMMM, no thanks. For my children I will put on the buns that Sweet Center says make me look like the school lunch lady so that I can achieve the appropriate Princess Leia look, but for work, not so much.

I did ask The Boys what I could wear, if I was going to dress up for work. Sweet Center suggested "Plain ole' Regular Mom". What!?! I shouted? Plain ole' regular mom! I tried not to sound insulted at this commom view of all that women do to make a happy home but I must not have succeeded because Sir Toots piped up and reassured me that I'm not OLD. Just Plain Regular Mom.

Thursday Thirteen

The post is late! The post is late!
Here it is:

13 Things I Love to Hear:

13) at Nordstrom’s: Yes, we have that shoe in a size 8.
12) from the gas company: Well, you overpaid last month and so you have a credit on your account for this month. (yes, mom, this does occasionally happen!)
11) from the worker at McDonald's: One chocolate shake coming right up!
10) from a random person on the street: Well, I voted for GWB, but I question his position on the war in Iraq and I think that I'm going to vote Democrat. (occasionally heard here in Texas!)
9) from a doctor: Sure, I recommend your product to all my patients when they come in. It's the best on the market!
8) from Sweet Center: I got bonus tickets today at school because I behaved so well! and I got a 95 on my spelling test!
7) from Sir Toots: I behaved today!
6) from the cleaning crew: yes, we can be over by Friday to clean the house.
5) at home: the sound of little feet making their way to my room because they want to snuggle in bed before the start of the day.
4) from my boss: Way to go! That was a great way to handle that account/situation. By the way, here's more $! (I can dream, can't I?)
3) from my professor: Great essay! Well thought out!
2) from an old friend: Hello. How are you?
1) from Hubba Hubba: I love you. Have a good day and I'll see you tonight.
Well, really my favorite thing to hear from Hubba Hubba is the sound of his sigh and the accompanying grin when I tell him that I want us to be like the adorable old couple I saw earlier today holding hands as they walked to their car. I'm sure he's aware of how desperately I want us to have that same kind of love and admiration after a long life together. He lets me know with his sigh and a grin that he'd enjoy that too. At least I think that's what he means. :)

Technically it's Thursday

so on with my Thursday Thirteen. This week I picked '13 things I could live without' in honor of my grumpy gross day yesterday.

13) The toll tag people.
12) Sticky stuff on the bottom of trash bags when you pull them out of the trash can (What is that stuff!?! Do I want to know?)
11) Socks everywhere in the house and not a single mate to be found for the one in my hand at 7:45am.
10) Finding a red shirt that needs to be washed right after I have finished folding all my colors.
9) Teachers who don't communicate.
8) Not being able to find the phone when it's ringing.
7) Little boys who feel it's necessary to wake me by slinging a stuffed animal into my face at 4am. :)
8) Not having cash after I have just gone to the ATM. I only find out when I'm trying to leave a parking garage. I always get the "you are an idiot" look from the man managing the booth and he doesn't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 bucks this morning but it disappeared around the same time as Hubba Hubba.
7) People on their cell phones who totally ignore the real live people around them. (I could do a whole post on this topic b/c it bugs me so much!)
6) When the last piece of bread is in that not-soft-but-not-hard place and I can't decide if my ham sandwich is worth it.
5) Rude people at the store who are crowding my space before I'm done buying my stuff. Please, I promise to move, just give me a minute to get it all together. I don't plan on living out my life at the checkout counter.
4) When any sports player gets excited by something they have done on the field/court/arena. I mean really, is all the chest slamming necessary? You get paid to tackle/slam dunk/defend for a living. Be happy on the inside that you did your job today. Tomorrow might be a different story and then won't you look silly?
3) Finding that I drank the last diet coke on the last run to the fridge and I didn't even notice, so now I can't have one.
2) Finding that Hubba Hubba drank the last diet coke on his last run to the fridge and now I can't have what I most desire in the whole world. It seems to be a much bigger occassion when Hubba Hubba does this, I'm not sure why. :)
1) And last, but not least, I could do without Bill O'Reilly in the world. Or Paris Hilton. It's a toss up on who I want to disappear from public life more.

life and all the normal stuff

Ever feel like the world is ganging up on you? Yea, me too.
From ridiculous toll tag fees to The Boys getting into random trouble at school. I really, really want to rant about the injustice of the fact that they get 2 YEARS to issue a citation, but the we, the little people, get 30 days to cough up whatever random amount they choose to fine us. Like $757, to be exact b/c they didn't update the computer information on Hubba Hubba's new car- the one he bought in the Spring of 2005 and so the system didn't register his car when he drove through it every day to work and so we were fined for each time he drove on the tollway. Yes, every day. To and from work. As I sat on hold today while they tried to figure out what to do about our account, I said a prayer. Then another. It helped a bit. Then I practed picturing my breathing. That helped too. I had a meeting to go to, I couldn't be all crazy b/c I was upset at the injustice of it all.

As for The Boys, neither one can quite articulate what they have done to warrant their punishment. Sir Toots is supposed to go to the pumpkin patch next week and yet his teacher doesn't feel that his behavior warrants a field trip. Regardless of the fact that I've gotten NO WARNING that he's been misbehaving. Can I fix something if I don't even know about it's existence? Evidently seven children in his class got ugly notes from the teacher today for random reasons. I think I shall call this phenomen "TPMS" for Teacher PMS. Is that rude? Well, I think it's rude that she wants to deny the kid a field trip he's been looking forward to for weeks when she didn't feel it necessary to bring it to my attention. And Sweet Center has lost 35 mintues of recess from tomorrow. He has no clue what the first 30 minutes are for. The last five are because as slacker mom, I forgot to sign his folder over the weekend and so he gets punished. Damn, that's nice, isn't it? Punish the kid b/c his mom can't get her shit together and sign a simple piece of paper. I like this teacher and so I won't say this one is TPMS. This is my blog and I get to decide how to deal out the justice here, thank you very much.

Then to add the cherry on top of the day, I got my fingers stuck in a VCR while doing my meeting. When the VCR decided to give them back to me, it wanted to keep a token and thus I am without skin on my pointy fingers. OUCH! So, I'm sorry Internet. I'm sorry that I just needed to whine. Today was a do-over day and I do know it's ugly to whine, but I just needed to puke it out on the keyboard. Tomorrow I'll pray and breathe a little better.

I think I've been here before

I remember during undergrad coming home after class and Sweet Center would be crashed either on my side of the bed or in his own. Sleeping like an angel. An angel whose mother wasn't there to give him a good night kiss. I have to admit that I really love seeing them all curled up and sleeping with sweet little boy dreams running through their head. Dreams of open fields and puppy dog tails. Or, according to Sir Toots, it's more like dragons and little blue men.

BUT, darnnit, grad school is getting in the way of bedtime. I know that I have to do this for myself and really, one night a week isn't that big of a deal. I know this. Really, I do. But, I have just finally been included in the nightly reading ritual! yes, this makes me really happy! I have finally been given the privilege of reading "Star Wars- Return of the Jedi". I never thought I would miss reading about Handy Solo and Luuuuuke Skywalker~ we have come up with our own nicknames for all the characters. I know, I know, it's sacrilege to defame Star Wars, but I must say to Sir George Lucas that we have made the story a bit better.

AND you'll never guess what we are going to be for Halloween. Guess! Come on, really you already know. Sweet Center shall be Darth Vader and Sir Toots is going to be the young Anakin before he betrayed all that he loved and turned all dark and twisty inside. Me? oh, Mama gets to be Leia. How cool is that? Hubba Hubba wants to be Handy Solo, but I think he would be a fabulous Wookie. Besides, I think Leia had a thing for the Wookie. Or was it Luuuuuke that she kisses? I was never entrenched in the lore of the galaxy far, far away like Hubba Hubba so I have trouble keeping the story straight. I guess I'll just have to keep reading the story to find out who she actually ends up with. For now, my money is on the Wookie. I'll keep you posted. :)

Have you ever scared the nieghbors?

There's a garage sale going on with our neighbors. Well, I'm not quite like the other mother's and organized enough to get our stuff together in 3 days to throw a random street sale. The boys closets need a bit more time than that! So, our family is not participating. Did you figure that out?
Anyway, I was busy cleaning up the house from the Friday night Star Wars/pizza movie fest and other random events throughout the week. In between my trips to empty out all the trash cans in the house into the trash containers outside (please don't ask why I don't just take a big garbage bag around to each room and do it all at once because, truthfully, I figure this is the only exercise I've been getting and it would do me good) I'm trying to convince The Boys that Harry Potter chocolate frogs are not an appropriate breakfast food. Please try a banana instead while the biscuits are in the oven, okay?
The neighorhood husbands were recruited to put up the signs directing the random people who have come into the neighborhood which houses were able to pull their crap together. On a trip outside I run into two dads who were schlepping a sign. They look at me and don't say anything. These are men that I talk to on a fairly regular basis when the children play together. Hubba Hubba even has a poker night with them. Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm still in my pajamas. They just looked at me in my polka dotted bottoms and grandma like cardigan (b/c everybody puts on a cardigan before they get really dressed for the day, don't they?) and look away really quick, get in their car and drive away.
I looked down to make sure that nothing is peeking out that shouldn't be. Nope, everything is covered. I just don't think these men know what to think of a woman who actually opens the doors to her house and goes outside in the-clothes-that-only-her-husband-should-see. Nothing inappropriate, just not pressed-ready-for-Saturday-soccer-game-wear. I think I actually scared them.
Do you think they feel for poor Hubba Hubba?

Thursday Thirteen

This is a list of 13 things that I have been thinking about. I'm going to try and make it a regular Thursday thing. No promises, though. I have underwear to clean and papers that need to be written, so it may be sporadic. I like the idea though. On with the show:

13 Things I adore:

13) The sound of Peppers tags as he rattles his hair back into place after playing with The Boys.
12) Toilet paper in ALL the bathrooms (yes, at the same time!)
11) Pumpkins and goblins with a chill in the air (I miss the changing leaves)
10) The smell of a fresh meal when I walk in the door.
9) The smell of a freshly cleaned house when I walk in the door.
8) Little boy feet when they are all soft and fresh out of a pair of socks.
7) Rooting on the sidelines for The Boys at either soccer or basketball as they score a goal or drive through the lane (god help us, football is coming next year)
6) The feel of Hubba Hubba's hairy feet as they search out my legs in bed at night. (he's a toucher and I like it)
5) A clean board for Scrabble. The possibilities are endless at that point.
4) A good football game on Sunday afternoon and there's nothing else to do.
3) Dinner with children running up and down the stairs when actual adult conversation is going on in the kitchen.
2) The wonderful feeling of sliding into freshly laundered sheets in my bed.
1) The Boys laughter.

I would also adore it if you would feel free to add and item or two (or, hell, go for all 13!) of your own. That's the nice thing about these kinds of lists, they inspire others to think of magical moments in their own lives. For all 3 of you readers that I have for this blog, it would be a nice way to share.

Scrabble

Hubba Hubba lays down the word "LOVE"
My turn and all I can think of with my random allotment of letters is "NOOSE"
Hubba Hubba returns the favor with "FEAR"

We look at each other and get a little chuckle out of our cleverness. Man, we got a good thing going. I just don't want it analyzed.

So, it's 4am...

I must be randomly bored. or maybe it was the elbow to my side and the knee that was stretched over me that woke me. The best and worst way to be woken up? When a little warm body stretches out next to you with knees all flexed and the the arms all above their head. I can always hear that little "humpf" sound as the turn over in the space that I should be occupying. And always with some random animal or book in their arms. Whether it's Moose, Blankie, or Baby Jaguar, there's always something they gotta bring with them. Because Mama and Daddy don't sleep with anything but each other! How does that work? Totally unacceptable! We must bring them items to help them sleep better! ***By the way, it's only the worst way b/c after all, I was actually sleeping here and that was nice. Can we go back to that, please?

It's the youngest. yea, Sir Toots is the problem child right now. I really have tried the taking him back to bed thing, but at 4 years old he just doesn't get why he can't sleep with us. He's has been known to return to our room repeatedly. One night, 4 times. I'm not kidding. I gave up after that.
I wasn't this way with his brother. With Sweet Center I was determined to "do it right" and that meant not letting him sleep with us. I took him back to bed so many times it wasn't even funny. For a period of about 3 months I was a walking zombie because I was making the trek so often. It was the right thing to do, it's what the experts told us to do. Now they say it's okay. Let them cosleep as long as they want. The thought is that the little urchins will want to sleep under their own dragon blanket someday so let them decide when it should be. That's the thing about waiting 5 years to have another son. All the advice changes. And I've learned so have I. I'm much more relaxed about such things. After all, it's nice to see them so peaceful and quiet with that halo sleep effect that makes you want to curl up next to their warm little bodies. I just wish it could wait until closer to 6am.

That is so Magic!

Well, we have a new catchphrase in the house. Sir Toots says "That is so Magic" for any new and exciting thing he encounters. I picture a scene straight out of Swingers (you know, where they say "that's so money") and can almost see him standing there as a grown man saying that to his buddies as he scans the scene. It's wonderful the things they come up with at his age. The cuteness is insurance for when they run away from you at the state fair and you must scan a crowd to find him standing five feet away in front of Big Tex. You remember the cute so that you don't overreact to the random acts that drive you crazy, I guess.

His brother, on the other hand, just needs to learn how to properly shower. Sweet Center wants to grow his hair out. Fine, I say, your curls look cute around your ears. But you really have to wash your hair everyday. Well, what we didn't realize is that it is necessary to tell a 9 year old that a real true shower includes soap and shampoo. When I watch him scratch his head and his hair stands STRAIGHT UP! then it means he didn't heed our advice. Hubba Hubba and I have pantomined the proper way to get clean. Hopefully it will take effect before he scares away the nieghbor children. I told him that grooming and other such silly things have been an age old discussion with sons and moms. "I bet Jesus and his mother even talked about what she would do if he didn't wash his hair. I bet she threatened to cut it all off, too." Dammit if that boy didn't look right at me and say, "well, I guess we know how that went since Jesus had long hair." Sarcastic comments come off without a hitch if he manages to slip his hand into mine and grin all the while.

Update on the fair and my birthday***
we had a blast at the fair. The Boys and I got off to a late start b/c Sir Toots thought it would fun to play with my work computer and remove the little card that holds ALL of my account information in my old car. You know, the one that was sitting at the dealership 52.4 miles away. We had to make a run to get it before festivities could properly start. We ate corny dogs and rode up in the big ferris wheel. Other than our small scare with Sir Toots mentioned earlier, it was a magical day with just me and The Boys.

As for my birthday, I was sleeping soundly, as one is likely to do at 6:30am, when my door was thrown open. I jerked up in bed to see Sir Toots holding a dozen roses with this huge fire above his head. Hubba Hubba made cinnamon buns and put candles in them so that I could make my birthday wish before even getting out of bed. I got to open my cards and presents while savoring my breakfast. The Boys had as much fun as I did with it. My cards were very sweet and appropriately signed with hand outlines and signatures to treasure for years to come. Hubba Hubba even put a new cd in my player and put a sticky note that said "Play Me" so that I wouldn't go straight to ESPN when I got in. It was a cd of Snow Patrol that I have wanted forever. It's perfect music for driving around town and I highly recommend it. Later the day he managed to put a card in my seat that was so sweet I had the thought that someone else helped him pick it out. How wonderful is to be told that you are someones 'Heart Contentment'? All in all, it was probably one of my best birthdays ever.
My Boys, they are definitely so Magic.

Computer Troubles

my mac is down. really down. Hubba Hubba has promised to get it fixed for my birthday.
In the meantime, I'm spending time with The Boys, working, getting my new company car (very cool Subaru Legacy), going to school, and skipping therapist appts. :)

Just an update, I have cancelled all appts for the forseeable future with the PhD. After much discussion, I've decided that I struggle with enough "mommy guilt" and I certainly don't need anything added to it. I feel that if there was something to be gained and it would benefit Sweet Center, then I would certainly subject myself to it. Fortunately, someone brought up a really good point regarding therapists. She said that if this guy really thought I had issues that needed to be addressed then as a responsible therapist he should have referred me to someone else outside of our sessions with Sweet Center. Since he didn't do that, and he even reminded me to call my insurance company prior to my visit to make sure of payment, then perhaps I should really look at his motive. I can't read his mind and I can only go off of what/how Hubba Hubba and I feel about this.

For now, we are focusing on Sweet Center and making sure that all is right in his world. He's actually discovered a love for football!! His nickname is "Sticky" b/c he's such a great receiver. He wants to play next year and there are plenty of dads around here who will help him get caught up on his skills so that he's on par with the other boys for next season. It's gonna be fun to watch! :)

On Monday I'm taking them to the State Fair. If you don't live in Texas then you may not be aware of what a huge thing this whole Fair thing is. The kids get the day off of school just so that they can go. It's just going to be me, Sweet Center, and Sir Toots. I'm contemplating a leash for Sir Toots. I'm kidding. We'll have fun and get to eat all sorts of fried things. I believe the new thing this year is Fried Coke. If it's Diet Coke, then I'm all over it!
I'll let you know how it goes. And I will be back to my regularly scheduled posting sometime this week after my mac is back on it's feet again.

We're dogsitting for my mother....

Me: Pepper! Jack! Pepper! Get back here, you two!
Hubba Hubba: Man, we've got cheese for dogs. That's funny.

Look in the mirror and repeat after me...

I am not a bad mother. I am not a bad mother.

Remember the therapist that I mentioned we were taking Sweet Center to see for some general unhappiness? Well, yesterday's session was so not a good one for me. It was my turn to sit and talk one-on-one and this man has the audacity to question my mothering skills. Like perhaps there are deeper issues going on with Sweet Center that we haven't even thought of and perhaps, maybe, it could be my fault.

We have determined that there isn't anything sinister like true depression really going on. Actually Hubba Hubba and I have been talking with Sweet Center on our own and we think that the kid is just bored, of all things! Evidently we haven't taught him how to use the word 'bored' properly and he thinks that anytime he doesn't know what to do with himself then he gets "this funny feeling". I will admit to knowing that the whole bored feeling is fairly similar to feeling a little restless and I can understand the confusion for a nine year old. So, our discussions at home are going well and we've found some things to do to keep him challenged and really engaged. Things like learning to focus on his drawing (with the special pencils and paper- there's always gotta be an incentive!) and working on his reading and spelling. Things that normal people do to pass the time. It doesn't have to be electronic, we've told him. The good news is that it's working and he's really enjoying himself. We've had no real issues in the past week since we sat down and really talked about just being bored and what it means.

Okay, I am the first person to sign up for therapy if I think it will be beneficial. I don't mind sitting on the couch if it will help a situation. As for being a mom, I will admit to struggling in the beginning. I was in no way prepared to take care of another human at 21. Fortunately, I had Hubba Hubba, who was a natural, and he helped me get the hang of the whole parenting thing. My struggle was minor and the issues were just general, they were in no way detrimental to Sweet Center's well being. Over the last nine years, I have worked my ass off to get this right. As a matter of fact, we ended up in this guys office because I wanted to make sure that we handled this whole issue right with Sweet Center.

So, yesterday I'm sitting in the office and as we talk this PhD (who I had really liked up to this point) looks at me and ask if I would be willing to come in on my own. "Your son interacts with your husband in ways that he finds enjoyable. Your interactions are different. Why is that? How does next Thurs at 3pm sound to you to really discuss?" Well, hell I wanted to say, my interactions aren't bad with him. They just aren't as much fun to him as playing video games with dad. Also, could it be because it's just his age? I don't think it's a bad thing that he connects with his father like he does. I really believe the world needs more men like Hubba Hubba. Men that are caring and tuned in to their children. Anyway, I get some serious love from this kid. I know we have a good relationship.
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I believe I'm getting off track and defending myself to the Internet. Man, the Internet Court is a hard mistress. You want to share the fun stories, and then you find that you can't ignore the serious stuff either. It's fun in the beginning and then you realize that it's just like any other old relationship, fraught with stress and drama.
________________________________________________________

So, anyway, the encouraging news is that after I overcame my shock I was able to talk to Hubba Hubba. After he overcame his shock , he looked me straight in the eye and said, "You are a great mother. Evidently this guy hasn't been paying attention to our family dynamic, otherwise he would see how Sweet Center interacts with you." But, I wanted to shout, he's the expert! What if he's seeing something that we don't? What if I'm damaging my kid and don't even know it?!? "Cancel, cancel now- we are NOT going back to see him. He's not doing this to you" Hubba Hubba said. (I told you he was great- that's why I keep him.)

And I have to say that, Sweet Center answered my doubts a short while later when were packing it up from being outside playing with all the neighborhood kids. As we walked up the sidewalk home, he reached over and grabbed my hand. In a very casual way, he tucked his hand into mine. His almost-man-but-yet-still-a-boy-hand with all it's cracking skin and rough edges, just tucked into mine. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And I realized, between Sweet Center and I, it really is.

Seriously?!?! (Grey's Anatomy-a random thoughtless posting)

He really said it! McDreamy totally told Meredith that he loved her and chose wrong when he chose to stay with Addison! Oh.My.God.

I'm a bit addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I Tivo'd the season finale b/c I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the cliff hanger. I knew that I would have to watch it with the first episode of this season. So, I waited all summer and last night while my own McDreamy was out having drinks and a good time with coworkers, I bribed The Boys and got them to bed so that I could watch a little over 3 hours worth of Seattle Grace.

Is that like totally sad? In my defense, The Boys have been getting to bed late and I did only make them go to bed on time. Usually there is no On Time in our house. It just doesn't work that way when we are all running around trying to figure out where we are supposed to be at any given momemt. Anyway, they went to bed and I stayed up and watched and watched and yes, I even cried. Oh please don' t tell me that I am the only onewho feels this way. I mean, it will totally make me feel bad about this obsession, but nothing is totally getting me down today b/c he totally said it and now she gets to choose. Meredith gets the power back.

and. somehow, I've totally gotten my old high-school-valley-girl-speak back. I mean, seriously, that's a little too weird for me. I think I need a nap.

I always said my second husband would be cute...

He's the sweetest, kindest, most michevious groom you've ever met! He waited until after dinner and then picked a flower out of the bouquet and asked his father to "marry us, okay?" Stairway to Heaven was on the radio and the lights were turned off in the kitchen and living room. Bathroom lights stayed on, just in case the groom needed to make a midwedding run. Four year olds tend to pee quite frequently, as I'm sure you've heard.

I thought the flower was for me, but alas, it was for the groom. Sir Toots informed me that since he was the prince he got to hold the flower- between his teeth. Think Spanish bull fighter, but with a yellow daisy. He put his arm around my back and said that we must dance if we are going to get married. I wasn't aware of this new tradition, but it was a fun spin around the kitchen none the less.

Hubba Hubba held up the flashlight and officially asked Sir Toots if he would take his mommy to be his mommy for ever and ever. Sir Toots shook his head Yes and then removed the flower to lean in and kiss me. It was actually a bit more convincing then my first wedding day! :) Sweet Center served as Best Man and stood by and cheered us on.

My new name is "Princess". I tried to get the title Queen, but I was told that I married a Prince and that means I'm a Princess.

Now, after discussing our honeymoon plans (the toy room is getting top votes, right now) I'm sitting here letting him draw all over my legs with the pen he stole out of my purse. I figure that I have to sacrifice for the good of the new marriage. It's a fragile thing and must be properly cherished. I won't analyze that I married a man and the first thing he did was go for my purse.

So, I'm taking Sir Toots to be my Sir Toots for ever and ever. We have matching wedding tattoos to prove it.

No gifts, please. Knowing that you smile and that you too cherish our love is enough of a present for us.

An All-the-Way-Around Hug

Definition:

Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): wrap around hug; circumference hug·ging
Etymology: strongly of DeRusha origin; akin to a routine hugga in a circle or circumference but more intense: to soothe completely in a round way
1 : to press tightly and completely so that the arms meet in back while comforting another.
2: the most complete way to show true affection or adoration. usually accompanied by a wet kiss to the cheek.

My "Mother of The Year" badge is around here somewhere

Sweet Center has the sickness now. Our pediatricians office is the greatest and they got us in right away to wipe it out with some killer antibiotics. Poor kid. Yesterday was a not so good day for him. They got off to a late start and he was late to school. Then I got the call from the Asst. Principal, who notifiied me that if he is late 10 times in a school year, Hubba Hubba and I have to go before a judge and explain why we feel like being a hindrance to our kid's education. The next call was the school nurse letting me know that the child I sent to school that morning was sick. Really sick. Not just in the way that he's jealous that his brother gets to stay home and watch cartoons and isn't is his turn sick? This kid is really sick. Come get him, you moron.

This feeling of parental inadequacy started a few weeks ago. Sweet Center has been having some problems in school and at home. He truly is the greatest kid. I know every mother feels this way, but he really is! He has this great habit of wanting to do the right thing. His heart is huge and he (tries to) think of others. Unfortunately, lately he has struggled with some general sadness. Hubba Hubba and I sat down with him to talk about it. I believe Sweet Centers words were, "I just feel funny inside. Like I'm sad inside." This feeling started shortly after we put his beloved Lab to sleep. We really had no choice and it was a hard decision, but one that had to be made. Sweet Center has kept the dogs tags and wants to frame them. My heart breaks even thinking about the look on his face as he said this. I can't breathe when I think about it. My response was to talk to a specialist. In no way do I want Sweet Center to feel this way. I want him to have complete faith in his ability to deal with anything that life throws at him.
So, the therapist is a nice man. He reminds us of Santa Claus. White beard, twinkle in his eye. The whole tender bit. We like him.

Well, the last visit it was just me and Sweet Center. We spent the time talking about what Sweet Center likes to do to fill his time. What's a normal day like? Well, there's no TV or video games on school nights. But, somehow it appeared that all the kid does is spend his time plugged into something electronic. The one bright spot is his bedtime ritual, which resolves around Hubba Hubba reading to him. Saturday mornings are full of the two of them playing video games. It's their bonding time. I don't get it, I have no coordination in handling the little control and playing the game at the same time. Likewise my involvement in the reading time. I seem to be a hindrance to the actual reading part. It could because I'm trying to keep Sir Toots occupied while they read. Or it could just be because I keep thinking of the dishes and laundry that aren't getting themselves clean. I can't just lay there, for goodness sake! There are things to get done!

Anyway, the sweet therapist (whom, I really truly do like- did I mention that?) looks at me and ask what I do. What's my interaction consist of with Sweet Center? Well, geez, we play, I promise. We run around outside like crazy banshees and toss balls and draw on the sidewalk with chalk and ride scooters to terrorize the neighbors. Evidently this doesn't cut it for Sweet Center. His discussion centered around playing with his father. His father, who wasn't there to back me up. His father, who would assure the kindly man that I am a good mother. That I love my son with every single frickin' fiber of my being. Actually, Sweet Center did give me that. He did say that he knew I loved him.

But, see I'm MOM, I wanted to shout. I have to do the really important stuff.
Is your homework complete? Have you taken your medicine? Your allergies aren't going away of their own free will, you know. Have you brushed your teeth? Has your hair been cleaned sometime in the last week? Are those clean socks? and underwear? Please, put on clean socks and underwear. You never know could happen out there. You need clean socks and underwear. Oh, and honey, is your hamster still even alive? Does he have fresh water?

As I'm sitting there thinking these things, I realize that it's not about what I do or don't do. It's about Sweet Center. It's about making sure he is okay. It's making sure that he doesn't feel sad. It's about developing behavorial habits that will ensure he feels confident in himself and his abilities. I don't care if I ever win a badge for my duties. Being recognized for service to man and country isn't in my job description. The only thing that counts is whether or not my kid utterly and truly knows he is loved. Badge or no badge, as long as Sweet Center knows the really important stuff, then it's okay. Even if he does leave the house in dirty underwear.

Love is...

1) Running through Walgreen's, shoving people out of the way, so that a 4 year old can throw up in the bathroom and not in the middle of the toy aisle.

2) Retrieving the correct fork at the request (nay, demand!) of the same child so that he may eat his waffles the way God intended.

3) Jumping out of the shower at the sound of a bloodcurling scream coming from the living room where said child is watching a movie, only to discover that the blanket has dislodged itself and needs to be placed back on top of his prone body laying 30 inches away.

4) Running upstairs at the sound of "MAMA!" so that the special cup may be picked up and handed it to a deeply thirsty sick child who seems to have lost all ability to reach his nightstand.

5) Kissing the feverish brow of a sweet little boy as his body shakes and then says that he doesn't feel sick and he really needs to "partricipate" in soccer practice.

6) The precious sound of Sir Toots husky voice as he tells me that he "weally wuvs me a wot."

oh Pumpkin, Mama loves you, too.

You put your right arm in....

Riding in the car yesterday talking to The Boys. A sweet neighbor was kind enough to give us tickets to a major league baskeball game for yesterday afternoon. How swell is baseball on a Sunday afternoon?!? Sweet Center went to her house to pick the tickets up.
Side Note: I have this fear that my children will, God forbid, forget to appropriately thank someone when I'm not around. This fear ranks right up there with worrying that, thanks to current White House policy, my grandchildren will not get to enjoy public parks or something.
Anyway, I asked just to make sure that Sweet Center showed his appreciation when he was given the tickets. He grunted in the affirmative and kept playing his gameboy.
Well, Sir Toots joins in the conversation by asking,"Did you raise your hand? Huh? Did you raise your hand before you talked to her?"

I wanted to start singing: Do the Hokey-Pokey. You put your right arm in and you shake it all about....

I guess Hubba Hubba and I have beaten that horse to death, huh? The good news is that it's actually working at school! We've gotten two good reports on his behavior since we started the whole raise-your-hand-to-make-sure-it's-okay-to-talk ritual.

And really, That's What It's All About!!

Succumbing to self pity

Merriam Webster: SUCCUMB
to be brought to an end (as death) by the effect of destructive or disruptive forces. Synonym: to Yield

For the last 6 days I have suffered, and I truly mean SUFFERED, from strep throat. (**WARNING: strong visual coming up!**)The icky lining on my throat went away on day 3, but the lovely antibiotics brought on vomiting and diarrhea from hell during day 2. I do not believe that I have watched so much go in and come out so quickly in my entire life. Poor little me couldn't even drink a Diet Coke at the baseball game on Sunday. And really, if a girl can't enjoy her Diet Coke outside in the summer sun at the ballpark, then tell me what is the point of living?

Poor Hubba hubba has slept beside Grumpy Bitch and then actually had to interact with her during the long weekend. At least last week he was able to escape to work. On Thursday we had a phone call that went something like this:
me: (small voice) help
HH: Who's there
me: Why is the toilet taunting me?
HH: Sweetie, take some medicine and go to bed
This last line was punctuated by a prolonged sigh and then: I have to go.....uhm...to a meeting, yea, I have to be in a meeting for the rest of the afternoon. See you tonight!

So, I was left to myself. Just me and The Golden Girls on Lifetime.

blog and the everyday life

okay, so since I started blogging and putting it all there I have found myself at random times in the day thinking of how I would present something to the Internet. I want this to be a kind of record for The Boys. I'm not sure when this will come in handy, but the theory is a work in progress so go with me here. I figure that as I learn things then I can blog it and then they will know the thought process behind it.

For example, Sweet Center is really struggling in school. He's having a hard time staying quiet and keeping on task. Well, helloo! He is my son, so I guess that explains some of it, but really I'm getting a bit tired of the daily updates that he just isn't doing the right thing at the right time. We finally had to intiate the whole 'raise-your-hand-when-you-want-to-talk-so-your-teacher-can-tell-you-if-it's-okay-to-do-so-at-this-particular-time' practice. Again, another work in progress. The poor kid has been moved twice now and he still can't seem to keep it together. Hubba Hubba and I do the hand raising thing during reading time at the end of the day, otherwise we wouldn't get anything read. We'll see if this works over the next couple of days. He has a very sweet teacher who is keeping us updated on his progress, so the instant feedback is nice. But, man oh man, I would so love a day without a phone call.

okay, Sweet Center? We aren't doing this to be meanies. We aren't out to make life unfun. We really love you and want you get the most out of school. (After all, we pay out the wazoo for the mortgage so you are in a good school district). I know it's super hard to foucs sometimes, but really is it worth having to talk about all your talking?

Anyway, back to your regularaly scheduled programming. Cute story, Sir Toots has started talking about himself and Sweet Center as "The Boys". He will say, 'The Boys want to watch cartoons'. Evidently they have now become third person. And yes, I have started saving for their future therapy. Why do you ask?

The 3-2 theory

Or as I like to call it, a Working Mother's Philosophy.
The idea is that a woman can do 3 things, but only 2 of them really well at any given time. I believe it's what we call a "juggling act" in this play of life. So, I have 3 roles to perfect at any given time.
1) Wife and Mother 2) Worker 3) Student

Hubba Hubba is aware that Wife used to be it's own role. Now, with school added into the mix, he gets lumped in with the boys. He's okay with it. As long as it's temporary. Besides, he gets the option to yell "SAN ANTONIO!" Which basically means that he feels neglected and I need to put something on the back burner and go away with him like a very memorable trip we once took sans The Boys. San Antonio is our key word to each other that we need to reconnect. It means to me that I have to refocus on him and put something else aside. Even if it just means that we hang on the couch wrapped around each other like two little monkeys. For him, it means that the video controller has to be turned off and he has to look at me for at least 20 minutes of conversation. Boy, he loves that! But, it's worth it. Because if Hubba Hubba and I aren't right then all the other roles suffer.

As for Mom, Worker, and Student roles, I have to just try and balance it out as the moment arrives. This evening we spent in the sandbox making Feet Castles and then dancing as The Boys took turns in the shower. It was too fun to watch Sir Toots play air guitar and have Sweet Center do a dance a la Britney Spears in the water. It was a sight! Work will wait until they go to bed. And school will wait until work is accomplished tomorrow. See, it's a juggling act. Which fire is burning and what needs immediate attention.

Mom role is the most imporant of the three, of course. See, the boys don't have a phrase like 'San Antonio'. They just look at me and ask to play. I have to decide if what I'm doing is worth making them wait. Sometimes it is, like when I'm on a conference call and other people expect me to have semi intelligent things to say. I can't very well toss the football and answer questions that will justify my salary at the same time. But, when I'm answering email, then I will leave it and go make some memories.

My mother in law told me once,'They won't remember the dirty dishes in the sink, but they will remember if you played with them or not'. I think going with the 3-2 Working Mother's Philosophy means that they won't remember whether it was a work thing or a school thing, they'll just remember that I spent time with them when it counted.
So, excuse me, I'm off to hear about Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. Everything else will have to wait.

morning

Me: Come on, Sweetie, we have to get ready for school.
Sir Toots: Silence
Me: Come on, Hon, don't you want to see your friends?
Sir Toots: Mommy, lay here with me....
Me: (a little sterner) Sweetheart, it's getting late and mommy has to be at a meeting in a little bit. Let's go.
Sir Toots: But Mom, sometimes in the morning I just need some Wuvin' (LOVING)

Can you blame me for being a few minutes late to my meeting?

PreK and Lice

So I'm dropping off Sir Toots a Lot this morning and there's this HUGE sign that screams "LICE!" on the door that leads into his classroom. Gah, I'm so freaked right now. I did NOT want to leave him, but as Hubba Hubba said, 'if he was going to have them, he'd have them by now.' This before the teacher tells me it takes 6 days for new eggs to hatch. uuuhhhhooohhhhh.
I'm itching and trying not to think about what poor Sir Toots is hatching on top of his sweet little head. We don't need lice. We have dust mites and dust bunnies to keep us company. Lice really wouldn't like us. I know there's a movement to bring these vile creatures into the mainstream and take away the stigma, but good god, I can't get over the icky feeling.

Please God, no lice, I promise to be good forever and ever. Amen.

UPDATE:
Only one little child had lice. he was sick on Monday morning and when his mom took him to the pedi they found the lice. Okay, how sad is it that this little boy had lice, but his mom didn't know until his pedi pointed it out to her?!? Well, the good news is that no one else has it and the infected one was only at school for an hour before he left to go to the doctor. Fingers crossed that my prayer was answered and we won't get lice. :) Say a prayer for me. And please let me know that you said a quickie. I'm sure God won't mind. He's cool like that.

Ask not for whom the school bell tolls...

It tolls for me! I started on my master's tonight. After talking about it for frickin' ever I finally got my stuffing together and got accepted into a real program. Imagine that, the great university thinks I'm teachable. I have to admit it, I snicker at their naive willingness to open the great halls of education, but Look Out Baby, Here I Come! My first class and I didn't have my book!
Oh well, plenty of time to get those 300+ pages read by next Tues. No problem, right. I can fit it in between loads of laundry and work and getting the boys off to school and getting Sir Toots a Lot to soccer and fixing dinner and making sure Pep is fed. Oh yes, as I told Hubba Hubba when we really discussed school, I have time to do this. Just as soon as I'm done vacuuming the living room.

A year ago today....

I was recovering from a horrendous over exposure to Paxil. Hmmm...I wonder what made that sweet NP think that I should be on the highest dose known to man? Could it have been my hysterical crying while wearing a paper napkin on that cold little bed? Well, I would have thought that a somewhat smaller dose would have been sufficient in dealing with the anxiety. I think that maybe telling her that I wanted to plant the front end of my car into a tree might have been the cherry on top that sealed the deal.

I have suffered from sort of anxiety/depression for years. Lovely Hubba Hubba is usually the one who holds me close and tells me that tomorrow will be a better day. Unfortunately that wasn't working this time. So I went to see the ever helpful practitioner.

I remember joking with Hubba Hubba when I got my RX filled that if I flipped out and went over the edge that we could thank the FDA for requiring the little black box on the packaging as a warning. It's the Surgeon General's Warning for crazy people.

Two weeks later I realized how desperately unhappy I was. Not like before though. Nothing at all like before. This was despair so severe that I didn't even want to think about pushing through to get better. I felt so empty. I just wanted to sit down and not move ever again. My support group was phenomenal. I remember talking with Mom, but I don't remember the conversation. I know she asked about The Boys and told me that I needed to go get them. The thought was that I would be safe if I kept them within arms reach. I couldn't bear seeing them or rather, having them see me like this. I did though. I had too. Because she was right. I knew looking at them that I couldn't do anything to myself while they were around. No matter the blackness, I had to hold on. She called Hubba Hubba and told him to GET HOME NOW. Then she put my sister on alert.

By 3am I had escalated and developed the most severe panic attack. I couldn't even bear to close my eyes. I kept thinking that if I did then I would lose The Boys. I couldn't leave them and so my solution was to just not sleep. or breathe. Rational thinking was not possible. Hubba Hubba held me tight and called my sister. She is the most amazing selfless person who just happens to be a truly phenomenal nurse. She drove me to the ER and explained to the doctor in words that buzzed by me that I wasn't well and that I needed help. I was admitted to what I now refer to as "The Nutward". There's a whole story there, but that's for another day.

Today, I celebrate making it through the blackness. I celebrate my family for being there for me when I couldn't take care of myself. And I thank my mother- in- law for the wonderful assortment of nuts to celebrate my homecoming. :)
I am reminded that nothing is beyond Hope. Today, one year later, I hold my boys extra tight and kiss their heads and silently thank them for giving me a reason to get up and move when I didn't feel I could.

Rejection in the Third Grade

There's a table in the cafetorium (you know, a cafeteria and an auditorium all in one...like magic!) with a sad little woman sitting there and she's wondering why she bothered to shower and pull herself together this morning. I think it had something to do with being asked like 50 times if she would please, please come have lunch today. School started on Monday and Sweet Center's birthday was Thursday. Well, Mommy was busy with work and making money to buy shoes and other frivolous things and couldn't make it on Thursday so it would have to be Friday.
The line to the cafetorium was being organized and Sweet Center was right in the middle of the hub. Mommy got left behind but figured that it would be okay once all the small little people were given food and their gold coins for dessert. The special table awaited! The one where stay at home parents get to sit with their golden children and celebrate that they are able to come eat lunch whenver they damn well feel like it, thank you very much. Unfortunately, Sweet Center decided that he was a bit embarrased that Mom was there and didn't know what to do with her. He looked up and went, "Huh, you really came. Now what?" We sat at the regular table and he didn't even want to talk or tell me about his friends. Rejection. Man, what a bitch at any age.
He's growing up and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this whole 'being a mom' thing and now he's ready to kick me to the curb. I figured I had a good year or two left in me.

Anyway, in honor of Sweet Center's 9th birthday we had 3 other boys in our home last night. There were legs and arms and laughs in every direction. Sir Toots a Lot had to sleep on the floor in his room, just like the big boys. Snacks and movies and video games ruled the night. It was a fun study in chaos. Much better than lunch time.

okay, I wanted this whole big ridiculous party for our 10th anniv and Hubba Hubba, being the normal sane one in this coupling, suggestsed that we spend the $ on the house and just have our close friends and loved ones come here to celebrate with us. See he appealed to my vanity, I want people to enjoy my house and feel happy when they come here. Unfortunately, I live with four men. One handsome husband, two rambunctious little boys, and a shih tzu. yep, all men. So keeping this house up, running and clean is no easy task. Decorating would be nice and Hubba Hubba knew that by suggesting we put in hardwood floors and other such things that I would have to agree and not spend the dough on ONE night (emphasis his).

So, please feel free to join us on Feb 8, 2007 for our 10th anniv celebration. Please know that, as promised, a CD with songs that mean something to us will be mailed soon. I'm trying to finalize design and other such silly thigs. You would think that being married to an Interactive Guru would move this process along, but alas, I am still waiting on scans of Sweet Center when he was three. he's 9 now, people! Hopefully we won't be waiting quite that long so please just have patience and realize that things are in the works and will be sent out eventually. Or soonest. Whichever comes first.