Only You

"Only you..."
That's what Hubba Hubba said to me yesterday after we left the neurologists office.

So, there's a couple of possible causes for my headaches at this point. But, the one that the doc really picked up on and is agressively pursuing is an interior tear in the arteries in my neck. From a frickin' bad massage. Seriously.

We went to this gorgeous B&B for my birthday and started out the weekend with a couples massage. Unfortunately I got the man who went all gung-ho in rubbing down my tissues and turning them into chopped meat. I politely asked him to stop pushing my shoulder blades through my body and into the table about halfway through the massage. Headaches started that weekend and have been present ever since. As Hubba Hubba said yesterday, "Only you would get a brain injury from a massage."

Evidently there's literature that details this phenomenon and I'm not the first person to get a bad massage from Attila the Hun. Who knew?

The fear is that the interior tear could stretch and lead to my artery opening up...which could lead to a blood clot...and then bang, I'm dead once it hits my brain. Sounds serious to me. I really like living.

So, I had an MRI and we'll get results shortly. I have a follow up visit on Monday and we'll know more then. Until then, I get to eat turkey, cuddle with My Boys, and basically lounge about. Hubba Hubba is all attentive and loving me up every chance he gets.

I don't want to have brain surgery....but, I'll take the loving!

Not tonight dear, I have a headache

I do have a headache. I've had one for about 2 months. Continously for 2 months. It's quite annoying and has all but driven me mad with frustration. I take tylenol when I feeling it coming on for the day, but most days I wake up with it and then it's too late to stop the irritating hum behind my left ear for the day. Nothing seems to completely take away the pain. By the end of the day, my eyes are so tired they feel like calling a strike and shutting down until they get a better vacation package and paid benefits.

My poor boys have had to suffer under my mood swings and random forgetfulness along with me. Today I go to a neurologist. Who, I'm hoping, will look into my eyes and tell me there's no swelling in my head and that I need to lay off the diet coke. If not, then I'm sure there's all sorts of testing and random torture I can endure to find a cause.

Hubba Hubba is going with me to the doctor. He's just as sick of these headaches as I am and would really like to know that there's nothing seriously wrong with me.(Physically, I mean- he's gotten used to my mental issues over the years.)

I worry about the slightest physical thing. Sweet Center has a cough and I've driven him so crazy with the water and cough drops that he went to spend the night my sister so that he could get away from me. So, you can imagine all the diseases and issues I've imagined are wrong with my noggin. Hopefully, we'll know today what's going on.

Here's to good answers and positive solutions. If you are a praying person, please give me a shout out today. And if you aren't a praying person, please think good thoughts. I'll let you know what I find out.

3 days

Every year, the fifth- graders at Sweet Center's school go spend 3 days at PineCove. It's this great camp out in East Texas where I spent a memorable week the summer before I started fifth grade. It is true camping with counselors, cabins, rowing, and dirt.

Sweet Center leaves tomorrow. Neither one of us can sleep! He's so excited, you can feel the energy coming off his body in waves. I can't sleep because I finally noticed on the list of items to bring that they included a list of items NOT TO BRING. And cell phones were on it.

Seriously? They expect me to go 3 days without talking to Sweet Center? Hubba Hubba has tried to point out that technically it's only 1 day, since I'll see him tomorrow morning before he leaves and then on Friday when we pick him up.

But, what he doesn't understand is that I need that time before he goes to bed to wrap up our day. The bestest funnest part of the day is when I get them from after-school care. But my ultimate and most favorites part is when it's just me and one of My Boys laying in their bed talking about their day or just randomly talking about stuff. Granted, it usually veers toward a discussion of Pokemon cards or every little boys favorite topic, farting, but it's still our time.

So, it may just be Thursday that I don't get to hear Sweet Center's voice and the sound of him desperately trying to avoid blowing his nose by snorting to high-heaven, I will miss our bedtime chats.

Eh, who am I kidding? It's not like he'd talk to me on his cell phone anyway. Not around his buddies. And that's the part I'm struggling with, the growing up part.

It's all Good

If you know me, then you know that I ask a lot of questions...and talk a lot. I do. and I know this about myself. I have spent the last several years asking questions and talking about my religious upbringing. Being raised Southern Baptist can leave a bad taste in your mouth, if you ever make it to the other side. I remember when Hubba Hubba and I were dating and talked about religion. He told me that I didn't have to believe what I was taught growing up and that it was okay to ask questions. That sounded scandalous to me! I wasn't allowed to ask questions...just Believe! and if I had doubts, for goodness sakes, I was supposed to pray harder and keep them to myself.

Eventually I decided that I had too many questions that didn't have answers and I let my spiritual side go into hibernation. Well, it's back and boy has it been thinking!

I've researched Buddhism, Judaism (with a little Kabbalah thrown in for fun) and other religions. None seem to fit where I was or what I was looking for in my spiritual life. I've started to meditate and taken bits and pieces with me from every religion I've studied, but none seem to really "speak to me" in a way that I thought was relevant to my life and the lessons I want to pass on to My Boys.

Then I picked up a book "Finding a Church for You" and read all sorts of history on Christian religions in the US. It was a great book and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

It led me to Catholicism. Yes, Catholicism, of all things! Who would have thought I would find answers from the church that seems so out of date that they don't let their priest marry and forces them to wear funny clothes? Well, I have found some serious answers and best of all, I have found a parish that is open and inviting to people of all walks of life. Father Henry was ordained in the 70's and as he told me last week, "We just figure it's all good and as long as we talk about the love of God, then we can work the rest of it out as we go along." I like that idea.

So, I've started taking classes to join the Catholic Church. I still have questions, but now I have answers too. Answers that I haven't found anywhere else. I know the Church has issues; hell, they have a lot of issues! But I enjoy the symbolism and I enjoy Mass on Sunday mornings. I enjoy hearing that basically we are an okay bunch of people that need to work through the grace of God on helping those around us who aren't so lucky.

Mostly, I've enjoyed learning about myself and my relationship with Christ. At the end of it all, for me, that's what it's about. Finding peace and enjoying this new love I have for my relationship with The Trinity. The mystery that we are so loved and how to share that love with others through the things we can (and must) do for others to make their lives easier.

I get queasy when the Catholic Church goes all crazy over abortion and doesn't focus on helping those who are here now, but I know that my parish does do those things and welcomes everyone.

This past Sunday I was Welcomed into the Church at a ceremony. My sponsor is a great lady from Argentina whom I adore. When we were walking back to our pews after the ceremony, she leaned over and whispered "Welcome Home" and it felt just perfect to me.

Ground Control to Major Joe the Biden...

We have a decision to make. I made mine several months ago and cast a ballot with it last weekend (tiny shivers, remember?)


Anyway, this lovely picture sums it up for me. I don't want pretty packaging and an empty shell. And yes, I'm aware that Obama's not running against Palin. But, he is running against the man who chose Palin. The woman didn't even make it through the election without being found guilty of an ethics violation! That's decision making I can't believe in.


On the other hand, we have this man:


The man who fought for equality and authored the 'Violence Against Women Act' and heads the Foreigh Relations Committee. Jeez, the man still makes it home on the Amtrak everynight to sleep next his lovely wife, Jill. Now, that's a decision I stand behind and cheer for.

No more hypocrisy.

I can't wait to tell my grandchildren I was a part of this election and why I made the choice I did for our times; for their future.

KNOW HOPE.