okay, so since I started blogging and putting it all there I have found myself at random times in the day thinking of how I would present something to the Internet. I want this to be a kind of record for The Boys. I'm not sure when this will come in handy, but the theory is a work in progress so go with me here. I figure that as I learn things then I can blog it and then they will know the thought process behind it.
For example, Sweet Center is really struggling in school. He's having a hard time staying quiet and keeping on task. Well, helloo! He is my son, so I guess that explains some of it, but really I'm getting a bit tired of the daily updates that he just isn't doing the right thing at the right time. We finally had to intiate the whole 'raise-your-hand-when-you-want-to-talk-so-your-teacher-can-tell-you-if-it's-okay-to-do-so-at-this-particular-time' practice. Again, another work in progress. The poor kid has been moved twice now and he still can't seem to keep it together. Hubba Hubba and I do the hand raising thing during reading time at the end of the day, otherwise we wouldn't get anything read. We'll see if this works over the next couple of days. He has a very sweet teacher who is keeping us updated on his progress, so the instant feedback is nice. But, man oh man, I would so love a day without a phone call.
okay, Sweet Center? We aren't doing this to be meanies. We aren't out to make life unfun. We really love you and want you get the most out of school. (After all, we pay out the wazoo for the mortgage so you are in a good school district). I know it's super hard to foucs sometimes, but really is it worth having to talk about all your talking?
Anyway, back to your regularaly scheduled programming. Cute story, Sir Toots has started talking about himself and Sweet Center as "The Boys". He will say, 'The Boys want to watch cartoons'. Evidently they have now become third person. And yes, I have started saving for their future therapy. Why do you ask?
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The 3-2 theory
Or as I like to call it, a Working Mother's Philosophy.
The idea is that a woman can do 3 things, but only 2 of them really well at any given time. I believe it's what we call a "juggling act" in this play of life. So, I have 3 roles to perfect at any given time.
1) Wife and Mother 2) Worker 3) Student
Hubba Hubba is aware that Wife used to be it's own role. Now, with school added into the mix, he gets lumped in with the boys. He's okay with it. As long as it's temporary. Besides, he gets the option to yell "SAN ANTONIO!" Which basically means that he feels neglected and I need to put something on the back burner and go away with him like a very memorable trip we once took sans The Boys. San Antonio is our key word to each other that we need to reconnect. It means to me that I have to refocus on him and put something else aside. Even if it just means that we hang on the couch wrapped around each other like two little monkeys. For him, it means that the video controller has to be turned off and he has to look at me for at least 20 minutes of conversation. Boy, he loves that! But, it's worth it. Because if Hubba Hubba and I aren't right then all the other roles suffer.
As for Mom, Worker, and Student roles, I have to just try and balance it out as the moment arrives. This evening we spent in the sandbox making Feet Castles and then dancing as The Boys took turns in the shower. It was too fun to watch Sir Toots play air guitar and have Sweet Center do a dance a la Britney Spears in the water. It was a sight! Work will wait until they go to bed. And school will wait until work is accomplished tomorrow. See, it's a juggling act. Which fire is burning and what needs immediate attention.
Mom role is the most imporant of the three, of course. See, the boys don't have a phrase like 'San Antonio'. They just look at me and ask to play. I have to decide if what I'm doing is worth making them wait. Sometimes it is, like when I'm on a conference call and other people expect me to have semi intelligent things to say. I can't very well toss the football and answer questions that will justify my salary at the same time. But, when I'm answering email, then I will leave it and go make some memories.
My mother in law told me once,'They won't remember the dirty dishes in the sink, but they will remember if you played with them or not'. I think going with the 3-2 Working Mother's Philosophy means that they won't remember whether it was a work thing or a school thing, they'll just remember that I spent time with them when it counted.
So, excuse me, I'm off to hear about Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. Everything else will have to wait.
The idea is that a woman can do 3 things, but only 2 of them really well at any given time. I believe it's what we call a "juggling act" in this play of life. So, I have 3 roles to perfect at any given time.
1) Wife and Mother 2) Worker 3) Student
Hubba Hubba is aware that Wife used to be it's own role. Now, with school added into the mix, he gets lumped in with the boys. He's okay with it. As long as it's temporary. Besides, he gets the option to yell "SAN ANTONIO!" Which basically means that he feels neglected and I need to put something on the back burner and go away with him like a very memorable trip we once took sans The Boys. San Antonio is our key word to each other that we need to reconnect. It means to me that I have to refocus on him and put something else aside. Even if it just means that we hang on the couch wrapped around each other like two little monkeys. For him, it means that the video controller has to be turned off and he has to look at me for at least 20 minutes of conversation. Boy, he loves that! But, it's worth it. Because if Hubba Hubba and I aren't right then all the other roles suffer.
As for Mom, Worker, and Student roles, I have to just try and balance it out as the moment arrives. This evening we spent in the sandbox making Feet Castles and then dancing as The Boys took turns in the shower. It was too fun to watch Sir Toots play air guitar and have Sweet Center do a dance a la Britney Spears in the water. It was a sight! Work will wait until they go to bed. And school will wait until work is accomplished tomorrow. See, it's a juggling act. Which fire is burning and what needs immediate attention.
Mom role is the most imporant of the three, of course. See, the boys don't have a phrase like 'San Antonio'. They just look at me and ask to play. I have to decide if what I'm doing is worth making them wait. Sometimes it is, like when I'm on a conference call and other people expect me to have semi intelligent things to say. I can't very well toss the football and answer questions that will justify my salary at the same time. But, when I'm answering email, then I will leave it and go make some memories.
My mother in law told me once,'They won't remember the dirty dishes in the sink, but they will remember if you played with them or not'. I think going with the 3-2 Working Mother's Philosophy means that they won't remember whether it was a work thing or a school thing, they'll just remember that I spent time with them when it counted.
So, excuse me, I'm off to hear about Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. Everything else will have to wait.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
morning
Me: Come on, Sweetie, we have to get ready for school.
Sir Toots: Silence
Me: Come on, Hon, don't you want to see your friends?
Sir Toots: Mommy, lay here with me....
Me: (a little sterner) Sweetheart, it's getting late and mommy has to be at a meeting in a little bit. Let's go.
Sir Toots: But Mom, sometimes in the morning I just need some Wuvin' (LOVING)
Can you blame me for being a few minutes late to my meeting?
Sir Toots: Silence
Me: Come on, Hon, don't you want to see your friends?
Sir Toots: Mommy, lay here with me....
Me: (a little sterner) Sweetheart, it's getting late and mommy has to be at a meeting in a little bit. Let's go.
Sir Toots: But Mom, sometimes in the morning I just need some Wuvin' (LOVING)
Can you blame me for being a few minutes late to my meeting?
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
PreK and Lice
So I'm dropping off Sir Toots a Lot this morning and there's this HUGE sign that screams "LICE!" on the door that leads into his classroom. Gah, I'm so freaked right now. I did NOT want to leave him, but as Hubba Hubba said, 'if he was going to have them, he'd have them by now.' This before the teacher tells me it takes 6 days for new eggs to hatch. uuuhhhhooohhhhh.
I'm itching and trying not to think about what poor Sir Toots is hatching on top of his sweet little head. We don't need lice. We have dust mites and dust bunnies to keep us company. Lice really wouldn't like us. I know there's a movement to bring these vile creatures into the mainstream and take away the stigma, but good god, I can't get over the icky feeling.
Please God, no lice, I promise to be good forever and ever. Amen.
UPDATE:
Only one little child had lice. he was sick on Monday morning and when his mom took him to the pedi they found the lice. Okay, how sad is it that this little boy had lice, but his mom didn't know until his pedi pointed it out to her?!? Well, the good news is that no one else has it and the infected one was only at school for an hour before he left to go to the doctor. Fingers crossed that my prayer was answered and we won't get lice. :) Say a prayer for me. And please let me know that you said a quickie. I'm sure God won't mind. He's cool like that.
I'm itching and trying not to think about what poor Sir Toots is hatching on top of his sweet little head. We don't need lice. We have dust mites and dust bunnies to keep us company. Lice really wouldn't like us. I know there's a movement to bring these vile creatures into the mainstream and take away the stigma, but good god, I can't get over the icky feeling.
Please God, no lice, I promise to be good forever and ever. Amen.
UPDATE:
Only one little child had lice. he was sick on Monday morning and when his mom took him to the pedi they found the lice. Okay, how sad is it that this little boy had lice, but his mom didn't know until his pedi pointed it out to her?!? Well, the good news is that no one else has it and the infected one was only at school for an hour before he left to go to the doctor. Fingers crossed that my prayer was answered and we won't get lice. :) Say a prayer for me. And please let me know that you said a quickie. I'm sure God won't mind. He's cool like that.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Ask not for whom the school bell tolls...
It tolls for me! I started on my master's tonight. After talking about it for frickin' ever I finally got my stuffing together and got accepted into a real program. Imagine that, the great university thinks I'm teachable. I have to admit it, I snicker at their naive willingness to open the great halls of education, but Look Out Baby, Here I Come! My first class and I didn't have my book!
Oh well, plenty of time to get those 300+ pages read by next Tues. No problem, right. I can fit it in between loads of laundry and work and getting the boys off to school and getting Sir Toots a Lot to soccer and fixing dinner and making sure Pep is fed. Oh yes, as I told Hubba Hubba when we really discussed school, I have time to do this. Just as soon as I'm done vacuuming the living room.
Oh well, plenty of time to get those 300+ pages read by next Tues. No problem, right. I can fit it in between loads of laundry and work and getting the boys off to school and getting Sir Toots a Lot to soccer and fixing dinner and making sure Pep is fed. Oh yes, as I told Hubba Hubba when we really discussed school, I have time to do this. Just as soon as I'm done vacuuming the living room.
Monday, August 21, 2006
A year ago today....
I was recovering from a horrendous over exposure to Paxil. Hmmm...I wonder what made that sweet NP think that I should be on the highest dose known to man? Could it have been my hysterical crying while wearing a paper napkin on that cold little bed? Well, I would have thought that a somewhat smaller dose would have been sufficient in dealing with the anxiety. I think that maybe telling her that I wanted to plant the front end of my car into a tree might have been the cherry on top that sealed the deal.
I have suffered from sort of anxiety/depression for years. Lovely Hubba Hubba is usually the one who holds me close and tells me that tomorrow will be a better day. Unfortunately that wasn't working this time. So I went to see the ever helpful practitioner.
I remember joking with Hubba Hubba when I got my RX filled that if I flipped out and went over the edge that we could thank the FDA for requiring the little black box on the packaging as a warning. It's the Surgeon General's Warning for crazy people.
Two weeks later I realized how desperately unhappy I was. Not like before though. Nothing at all like before. This was despair so severe that I didn't even want to think about pushing through to get better. I felt so empty. I just wanted to sit down and not move ever again. My support group was phenomenal. I remember talking with Mom, but I don't remember the conversation. I know she asked about The Boys and told me that I needed to go get them. The thought was that I would be safe if I kept them within arms reach. I couldn't bear seeing them or rather, having them see me like this. I did though. I had too. Because she was right. I knew looking at them that I couldn't do anything to myself while they were around. No matter the blackness, I had to hold on. She called Hubba Hubba and told him to GET HOME NOW. Then she put my sister on alert.
By 3am I had escalated and developed the most severe panic attack. I couldn't even bear to close my eyes. I kept thinking that if I did then I would lose The Boys. I couldn't leave them and so my solution was to just not sleep. or breathe. Rational thinking was not possible. Hubba Hubba held me tight and called my sister. She is the most amazing selfless person who just happens to be a truly phenomenal nurse. She drove me to the ER and explained to the doctor in words that buzzed by me that I wasn't well and that I needed help. I was admitted to what I now refer to as "The Nutward". There's a whole story there, but that's for another day.
Today, I celebrate making it through the blackness. I celebrate my family for being there for me when I couldn't take care of myself. And I thank my mother- in- law for the wonderful assortment of nuts to celebrate my homecoming. :)
I am reminded that nothing is beyond Hope. Today, one year later, I hold my boys extra tight and kiss their heads and silently thank them for giving me a reason to get up and move when I didn't feel I could.
I have suffered from sort of anxiety/depression for years. Lovely Hubba Hubba is usually the one who holds me close and tells me that tomorrow will be a better day. Unfortunately that wasn't working this time. So I went to see the ever helpful practitioner.
I remember joking with Hubba Hubba when I got my RX filled that if I flipped out and went over the edge that we could thank the FDA for requiring the little black box on the packaging as a warning. It's the Surgeon General's Warning for crazy people.
Two weeks later I realized how desperately unhappy I was. Not like before though. Nothing at all like before. This was despair so severe that I didn't even want to think about pushing through to get better. I felt so empty. I just wanted to sit down and not move ever again. My support group was phenomenal. I remember talking with Mom, but I don't remember the conversation. I know she asked about The Boys and told me that I needed to go get them. The thought was that I would be safe if I kept them within arms reach. I couldn't bear seeing them or rather, having them see me like this. I did though. I had too. Because she was right. I knew looking at them that I couldn't do anything to myself while they were around. No matter the blackness, I had to hold on. She called Hubba Hubba and told him to GET HOME NOW. Then she put my sister on alert.
By 3am I had escalated and developed the most severe panic attack. I couldn't even bear to close my eyes. I kept thinking that if I did then I would lose The Boys. I couldn't leave them and so my solution was to just not sleep. or breathe. Rational thinking was not possible. Hubba Hubba held me tight and called my sister. She is the most amazing selfless person who just happens to be a truly phenomenal nurse. She drove me to the ER and explained to the doctor in words that buzzed by me that I wasn't well and that I needed help. I was admitted to what I now refer to as "The Nutward". There's a whole story there, but that's for another day.
Today, I celebrate making it through the blackness. I celebrate my family for being there for me when I couldn't take care of myself. And I thank my mother- in- law for the wonderful assortment of nuts to celebrate my homecoming. :)
I am reminded that nothing is beyond Hope. Today, one year later, I hold my boys extra tight and kiss their heads and silently thank them for giving me a reason to get up and move when I didn't feel I could.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Rejection in the Third Grade
There's a table in the cafetorium (you know, a cafeteria and an auditorium all in one...like magic!) with a sad little woman sitting there and she's wondering why she bothered to shower and pull herself together this morning. I think it had something to do with being asked like 50 times if she would please, please come have lunch today. School started on Monday and Sweet Center's birthday was Thursday. Well, Mommy was busy with work and making money to buy shoes and other frivolous things and couldn't make it on Thursday so it would have to be Friday.
The line to the cafetorium was being organized and Sweet Center was right in the middle of the hub. Mommy got left behind but figured that it would be okay once all the small little people were given food and their gold coins for dessert. The special table awaited! The one where stay at home parents get to sit with their golden children and celebrate that they are able to come eat lunch whenver they damn well feel like it, thank you very much. Unfortunately, Sweet Center decided that he was a bit embarrased that Mom was there and didn't know what to do with her. He looked up and went, "Huh, you really came. Now what?" We sat at the regular table and he didn't even want to talk or tell me about his friends. Rejection. Man, what a bitch at any age.
He's growing up and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this whole 'being a mom' thing and now he's ready to kick me to the curb. I figured I had a good year or two left in me.
Anyway, in honor of Sweet Center's 9th birthday we had 3 other boys in our home last night. There were legs and arms and laughs in every direction. Sir Toots a Lot had to sleep on the floor in his room, just like the big boys. Snacks and movies and video games ruled the night. It was a fun study in chaos. Much better than lunch time.
The line to the cafetorium was being organized and Sweet Center was right in the middle of the hub. Mommy got left behind but figured that it would be okay once all the small little people were given food and their gold coins for dessert. The special table awaited! The one where stay at home parents get to sit with their golden children and celebrate that they are able to come eat lunch whenver they damn well feel like it, thank you very much. Unfortunately, Sweet Center decided that he was a bit embarrased that Mom was there and didn't know what to do with her. He looked up and went, "Huh, you really came. Now what?" We sat at the regular table and he didn't even want to talk or tell me about his friends. Rejection. Man, what a bitch at any age.
He's growing up and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this whole 'being a mom' thing and now he's ready to kick me to the curb. I figured I had a good year or two left in me.
Anyway, in honor of Sweet Center's 9th birthday we had 3 other boys in our home last night. There were legs and arms and laughs in every direction. Sir Toots a Lot had to sleep on the floor in his room, just like the big boys. Snacks and movies and video games ruled the night. It was a fun study in chaos. Much better than lunch time.
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