Flickr

I have a ton to learn about this wacky internet thing....but I managed to upload some Christmas pictures:

Check them out here!

and I've added a button on the right that lets you get there anytime you wish!

The Attempt

We tried to take pictures of The Boys for Christmas. Here's what happened:





and after several tries, here's how impatient they got:




If we promised you pictures for Christmas, please bear with us....They will be coming in the New Year. From a professional photographer.

Good News!

I have a job! Well, technically I start my job on Jan 7th. I'm really excited about it! I'll be working with 6 clinics in North Texas that provide services to amputees and others who need prosthetics. My technical title is Business Development Manager- fancy, huh? Really it just means that day to day I will be working with the Practice Managers and physicians to increase business. It will be very cool and I think, more importantly, that it will be a job that makes a difference to people. I will be working closely with new amputees and getting them the assistance and services that they need.

Personally, it means that I will in a challenging environment and I'm looking forward to that after this past year. I'm so ready to say good-bye to 2007! Good things happened and yet there were limits on what we were able to do as a family because of the time I spent soul-searching for a career that would allow me to use my health care knowledge and still feel like I was making a difference. I have done so many personality profiles and spent so much time pondering different avenues of work, that I'm sick of myself and being inside my own head.

I can't say 07 was a total waste for me. I started to practice meditation and I studied Buddhism. I read some of the Dalai Lama's teachings and learned that ultimately I have to learn to live a balance between my religious upbringing and what I believe today. It's not the same, nor is it so different that I am willing to convert to a new religion. I'm still intrigued by the possibility of studying a balance between zazen zen and christianity. This may seem a contradiction since the purpose of zazen is to reach a Buddha state, but I believe there are nuggets in all manifestations that will serve me well in this life to ultimately live in service for others.

I'm trying to teach Sweet Center how to spend a little time each day in meditation. I didn't make a big announcement about it, but Hubba Hubba and I decided to take him off his ADHD medication over the Thanksgiving break for a little while. He's been on some form of medication since he was 5 years old and we thought it would be worthwhile to see how he was without for a few days when he would just be home with us. I have to say that the past month has been wonderful for him. His personality is really starting to POP! and he's not having any issues at school that are outside the norm for a 10 year-old boy. We're teaching him to recognize when he's getting amped up and some basic self-control techniques to pull him back down from hyperactivity. It appears to be working. I learned a few things from the shrink that I met with about Sir Toots. He told me it was okay to give kids a break from medication and allow them to fully experience the range and intensity of their emotions. Hubba Hubba and I just wanted to make sure that Sweet Center just knew how to self-moderate so he wouldn't get in trouble at school or playing with friends. I still can't take them both to the grocery store, but what mother really can take 2 kids into a place that is supposed to overload your senses and hope to come out sane?

As for Sir Toots, we are holding off on making any decisions until later in 2008. I want to get him through kindergarten and then look at his behaviors. He's actually doing quite well right now, so I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best when they return to school in January. We have some date nights planned and I so hope that the one-on-one times will help both of The Boys. He's still learning what' acceptable behavior in school so I think cutting him a little slack isn't such a bad idea.

Hubba Hubba and I are planning a get away to our favorite city, San Antonio, for sometime in late February. I have to do quite a bit of travel in January for my new job, and it just makes sense to plan something now for our anniversary. 11 years. How many of you can believe that?!?

2007 taught me many things, but ultimately I learned that no matter what I do or how hair brained an idea I cook up, I will always have the love of Hubba Hubba to catch me when I fall or fly. There's no better lesson learned than that.

Say You Want a Revolution...Yeah Yeah....

Talking with Sweet Center about the upcoming New Year. The usual stuff about making positive changes and what kind of things we can do for 2008.

Sweet Center:"Let's make a New Year's Revolution to take a lunch to school every day, except Fridays because that's when they have square pizza."

Me: "A Revolution, huh?"

Sweet Center: "Yea, ya know....a real revolution that we can keep."

well, hello there gorgeous.... come here often?

yes, I'm totally slacking on keeping everyone updated on our household. But, I must admit that I am finding my time away from the computer very fun. I have really learned to throw a pass perfectly to Sweet Center. I'm thinking of changing his name to Sweet Hands. He's that good of receiver. Also, I've been talking with Sir Toot's teacher about his howling. Yes, howling. Our devilish little one has started to amuse himself in the restroom by howling. Evidently while, ahhem, taking care of business, he gets bored. And not having a book around to occupy his mind, he has taken to howling in the hallowed kindergarten communal potty. (Sorry, that was just a fun sentence to write!) Anyway, we discussed this and he has agreed to maybe work on his numbers or ABC's quietly instead of attracting the attention of the entire pod community.

As for my job search...things are well. It's less than 3 weeks until Christmas and I could possibly get my wish! I have a very important interview next week!! And I have a second interview for something that looks really interesting. Both could be challenging in their own unique ways. Hubba Hubba and I are talking about options and what we think of both things. I know what would be best long term for us and so I have a leaning , but I will focus on the positive and appreciate where I am right now. It's been almost an entire year since I was employed at what Hubba Hubba refers to as a "real job" and so I'm looking forward to it!

I must say, I'm so blessed with my ole' man. When we talked the other night and started parsing out each opportunity, he wasn't concerned that one didn't pay as much as the other. No siree...Hubba Hubba looked me right in the eye and asked, "Okay, but which would you enjoy more? I want you to do something that means more to you." Now folks, this man hasn't seen a real paycheck from me in neigh' on 11 months, and he isn't concerned about me just taking any ole' job. He wants me to take the one that I will enjoy. Regardless of the money. Could I get an "Amen" for that classy show of support?

And the country twang is gone and we are backed to my usual breathless ramblings....Please don't think that I'm counting any chickens before they hatch. I know I could go on each of these upcoming interviews and totally burp and fart my way through. But, I know that something good is coming. So, I'm going to keep believing and studying and prepping until I get an offer letter. :)

Now, I have had a few of you ask about my teaching plans. Well, I should say that I decided there wasn't really a reason for us to shell out 40 grand to work on my master's and then graduate to make 40 grand a year. But really, my time at the preschool taught me that I don't want to be locked in a room with 21 children all day unable to go to the bathroom whenever I wanted.

I have found something to do that will enable me to still work with kiddos and be involved with The Boys. When I signed up Sweet Center back in October for Boy Scouts, I filled out the form for Adult Volunteers. I assumed that I needed to fill it out if I planned on going on any camping trips or whatnot. Evidently you only fill out the VOLUNTEER form if you plan on volunteering to actively participate in the Pack. Hmm...who knew? Anyway, I was put on the committee and have been participating in the routine stuff. I have loved it! Not the uniform, though. I have resisted that with every fiber of my being! Have you seen the thing? It's really not my style. Anyway, the big ticket to all this is that Sweet Center has enjoyed me doing this with him. So the Cubmaster of his Pack has asked me to serve as Committee Chairperson. I'm going to meet with her next week to discuss the role and responsibilities in more detail. It's a huge undertaking, but it really will be fun to be this involved with something that Sweet Center so enjoys. Really, I don't have that much time before he's done with totally wanting to spend time with me. I have to jump at the chance while I can! And next year, Sir Toots can join us. By then, I will probably have a uniform, too. But, I swear I'm wearing some little camo cargo capris or something. I can't do the officially sanctioned pants. *shudder*

Okay, I think that's it. If you are still with me on this rambling episode, thanks for taking the time! :)

Sir Toot's brain

Today after a difficult afternoon, Sir Toot's look at me and says, "It's just my brain. It forgets to rewind itself and I lose my place."
I think this a great summation of ADHD and what we live with everyday. Turns out his teacher has 2 boys with ADHD and so she is well aware of his struggles to stay in his seat and complete his work. I like that she doesn't blame him and make him feel bad about himself- it's his brain that causing all the problems really. It's so important that he continue to think he's the greatest kid since sliced bread!

Anyway, I met with the psychologist yesterday and I have to be honest...my first thought was I ended up in Andre the Giant's office. Once I got over my shock, I found him to be a very nice man. Dr. Mac made a reference to a book series that I love (the Mitford series) and so I knew we would get along fine. He wants to meet Sir Toots next week and then we'll go from there. I just hope he doesn't scare the poor kid!

On the job search front: I am officially over my quarter life crisis and have entered the phase of reentering the workforce with the hopes that I haven't completely derailed my career. I miss the day to day challenges that come with a real job and I'm hoping that a few things I have in the pipeline will work out. I have some great support and know that something will hit that's right up my alley! Besides, Yvette, my psychic, says that there's something on the horizon for me that will use my skills but force me to learn something new. That's exactly what I'm looking for! Let's just hope it pays well. :) I'm believing in it and focusing on making it happen when the timing is right.


***WAIT!**** I just reread this and it totally sounds like I'm still stuck in some kind of crisis! Between the shrink and the psychic, I have crazy all wrapped up. :)

Today I am Thankful For....

1) A POSITIVE REFERRAL for Sir Toots! YEA!
2) A husband who is supportive and doesn't think I'm too nuts!
3) Boys who still love to wrestle and cuddle.
4) Friends who will help me move a couch just because I want a new look in the living room.
5) Unlimited Opportunities!
6) Friends who have great blogs to remind to stay focused on the good in this life.
7) Finding a psychologist for Sir Toots who doesn't want to slap a label on him UNTIL we have turned over every rock and looked at all the possibilities. We have a meeting with him next week and he wants to focus on behavior modification before we do anything related to ADHD. I'm not denying a problem....I just want to make sure that we are really looking at the big picture and not just looking for a quick fix.
8) Boys who make good choices.
9) Boys who don't complain (too much!) when they realize they made a bad choice.
10) The ability to recognize that The Boys need to make choices for themselves so that when they grow up they can make good choices without a lot of effort.

Humor in all things

oh yes, I forgot to mention that a hamster died. We figure old age.

Sweet Center: Well, at least he learned a new trick.
Me: What trick?
Sweet Center: He finally learned how to play dead.

Burial services tomorrow under the peach tree in the backyard.

Denial, Anger and moving towards Acceptance

I met with Sir Toot's kindergarten teacher yesterday and I'm still trying to process the fact that it appears we have another child with special needs. Yes, ADHD is called special needs because raising a child with this disorder is not like raising a "normal" child. Hubba Hubba and I have to focus on helping Sweet Center in different ways than other parents help their children. I was so hoping that Sir Toots would get the swing of things and move right into school with no issues. I wanted that so badly and was even going so far as to refuse to do any sort of evaluation on him when I continued to get calls from the school.

But, I had to stop and ask myself how that benefits him. Does my holding onto my perceived reality really mean everything is okay with him? What about the kids he's hitting and the property he is destroying at school? Don't I have a responsibility as his mother to see past my denial and accept that we need to do something different? Just because he doesn't act like Sweet Center doesn't mean anything. It just means that ADHD is manifesting differently in him.

And that's the rub. This complex and so easily dismissed disorder is not easy to define or categorize. "He's just all boy" & "It's cute how he stands up for himself" and my personal favorite "Don't worry, he's not like his brother" make me want to scream. Like not being like his brother is a good thing? What the hell is wrong with his brother?

I'm angry and disappointed that this is happening to my second child. I'm angry that I have to be different. I'm angry that it's not normal around our house. I'm angry that I can't just relax and let them coast for a while because there's always some new drama coming on. I'm angry that I can't take them to the grocery store without having to threaten them and then I feel like a bitch afterwards. It is different. Our life is different because of ADHD and I'm tired of being told that it's not that bad. I know that I have it easier than parents with "real disabled children." But dammit, it's not easy and I'm tired.

Tomorrow I will appreciate all the things that they do that are different and special and unique. Sweet Center is amazing with numbers and god, does he have an imagination. Sir Toots is my little no nonsense squirt who manages to get in the middle of everything. Tomorrow I promise that I will wake up and give them what they need so that we can clean their rooms. Step by step directions and simple tasks.

But today, today I'm tired. and sad. I'm sad that things won't always be easy for them. Both of them will have to learn coping skills above and beyond their peers. They have to teach themselves to stop and not act out in the moment.

Tomorrow I will hold Hubba Hubba's hand and hope that we are giving them what they need so that they don't become a statistic and do drugs or drop out of school or suffer from low self esteem.

I'm hoping that our love is enough to give them faith in themselves. Regardless of what some stupid evaluation tells me about My Boys.

Caller ID

is the worst invention ever. Shouldn't I be surprised when the school calls to tell me that Sir Toots has hit someone again? I mean, when I see the schools name pop up on my phone I know it can't be good news these days.

So, today I went down and talked with him. They pulled him out of class at noon and he had to sit outside the principals office until 3p working on schoolwork. I'm not sure how that's going to help him, but at least he's not near anyone to hit again. I'm at such a loss. I don't know what to do or say to him now. We had 2 good weeks and now it's starting again.

Conference with the school counselor tomorrow at 7:30 so I'll keep you updated.

How to Succeed

So, like I always do when I'm stumped or feeling at a loss, I googled. Today I googled "How to Succeed" in the little box and ever the helpful search engine that could, google recommended "How to Succeed in Life."

Why, yes, google...that's what I'm trying to do...But why do I keep failing? Why do I keep bumping into roadblocks that seem to set me on edge and send me crying for a dark corner and a fluffy comforter?

So, back to my search- here's the the main quote of an article titled the "The X Factor".
I read and I think it really hits the nail on the head:

"if you knew what you wanted and got clear about who you are and how your past experience could be harnessed for the good of mankind then would anything be able to stop you if you consistently applied yourself in that direction?"

So, now the next step is putting on foot in front of the other. Just a moment to collect myself, though. I need to make sure I'm clear on this....

Touched by a....

well, there's not really any nice way to say this....Sir Toots has issues with his poops. I got the word today that the tests are normal and he just has a bit of blockage that is causing the tummy problems.

So, off we go to Walgreen's to pick up one of those special medicines that goes in the special place. I wait for Hubba Hubba to come home and help me. No way am I doing this one by myself. :)

Sir Toots is quite apprehensive until Hubba Hubba tells him that he has medicine will make his tummy feel better. It just needs to "go into his butt." This comment elicits a chuckle from Sir Toots.

His reponse? "Yes, but the medicine is dirty. It's been touched by my poop."

and then he finishes with,"Can I please have my pants back? I need to eat dinner like a man."

Sugar Bugs

Sir Toots has stomach problems. He has been complaining about a vague ache for a while but there hasn't been any rhyme or reason to the pain so we've dealt with it and just tried to convince him to spend a bit more time on the potty.

Well, enough of the complaining and I finally convinced the great pediatrician to send us for some testing. Blood work and an xray are simple enough to do and will show if there's anything going on. Or if it's just Sir Toots trying to get out of school and chores.

So we head out on Friday for the blood work. At the lab he's in tears in the bathroom desperately trying to convince me that his pain isn't that bad and really, what's up with the needles? Are you kidding me, Mama? Real needles. I'm pulling every trick in the book out of my back pocket trying to convince him that it will be okay and we'll go to McDonald's when it's all over. There's a knock on the door and the kind lady who will be taking his blood walks in to talk to Sir Toots in a voice that I have already tried. Good luck, lady.

Dammit if she doesn't tell him that she's looking for Sugar Bugs and once she finds them she needs to take a few out so that we can do what the doctor wants. She totally found a way to make it sorta fun and keep us from being the bad guys at the same time. I get into the chair so he can sit in my lap and he crawls up. She gets out the dreaded needle and starts to clean off his arm and he squirms a bit. Noticing this, the nice lady tells him to focus on his Sugar Bugs and going to McDonald's. He tenses up and says okay. I prepare for the worst and take a deep breath.

She inserts her needle and he looks at me with tears in his eyes. And then starts to smile. "oh, that didn't hurt. Mama, I need a burger with cheese and two pickles."



By the way, we got the xray results back and there's nothing there but a little poop. Hopefully the blood work will be clean as well. I should know tomorrow.

What happens in Vegas....

So, Hubba Hubba is on a business trip to Vegas. The Boys wanted to sleep with me, so I tucked them in and headed back in to livingroom to enjoy a little quiet time. Just me, Al Micheals, and 60k fans enjoying the game from Philadelphia. I have a tendency to avoid going to bed when Hubba Hubba is gone because the bed just doesn't sleep the same way. It's like a pillowtop curse that must make me suffer for being alone.

So, I wake up on the couch with a throbbing in my ear and think that I must have "couch potato ear" from scrunching it up on a down pillow from the couch and not my nice fluffy pillow on the bed. I get up and push The Boys over so I have room to lay down and the pain won't go away. I lay there and my ear continues to throb. I can hear the band pulsing it's way through my middle ear and take a left turn deeper into my head.

Now I just finished a round of antibiotics for some random infection that caused my lymph nodes to swell up like a balloon. I shouldn't have anything wrong with me, but I do and I'm such a baby about it. Hubba Hubba won't be back until midnight on Weds.

I hope he's having fun in Vegas.

It starts at home...

Sir Toots spent the day playing with his girl-friend, little Miss Priss. I adore this girl and I would love it if they grew up and got married. She has fire and doesn't take any of his nonsense. When they play outside, she's always first to tell him that he's supposed to play nice and share. I love to listen to them upstairs in the toyroom when they don't know they are being spied on. He's bossy and she doesn't take it from him. When he won't share, she has this look with her huge brown eyes that she gives him. Works everytime. The dynamic that is shaping up between them so reminds me of my relationship with Hubba Hubba. Not that Hubba Hubba is one to get saucy, but just the way they interact showcases the difference between men & women.

So anyway, today I walk across the street to pick Sir Toots up and they shoot out the door to head to our house. Miss Priss's mother stops them and asks them to pick up their fort in the livingroom. I head in to wait for them and listen to them talk about who's picking up what. Sir Toots heads over in 30 seconds and says he's done. Miss Priss is still picking up & so I send him back in to help her.

He looks at me and says: "But, Mom! There's only two things left!"
My response: "Well, good. One thing for you and one thing for Miss Priss to put away."
Incredulous he shoots back: "Dude, she has two hands."

Oh yes, my Padawan, you are learning from The Master at home.

P:ositive Referral

We received a letter this week from one of Sweet Center's teachers

Student Name: Sweet Center
From: Teacher #2
Date: 9-11-07

The reason I received a positive referral is.....

Sweet Center has really blossomed since 1st grade and I am so impressed with his enthusiasm for learning. He is always ready to go and actively participating in all class activities and discussions. I love watching his excitement for learning come alive during math and science and am happy to see it spread to other students!
What I am most impressed by is Sweet Centers citizenship skills; especially respect and responsibility. He is really setting an excellent example for his peers. I am proud of Sweet Center and ecstatic to have him again in class.

How cool is that!? When they do the school assembly this morning (Friday) the assistant principal will read it out loud to the entire school! Sweet Center is so excited and I am so proud of him!

What a kid!

School

So, I get a call. From a teacher. At work. Evidently Sir Toots is not adjusting quite as well as we'd hoped. :) Dear Sweet Kindergarten Teacher called to let me know that Sir Toots had broken all the crawns (yea, we call them crawns and NOT cray-ons) at his table. For no reason he felt the need to pick them up one by one and break them in half as the other children stared on in horror. This act is, evidently, sacrilege in kindergarten and will not be suffered lightly.

He couldn't do this when crawns were still on sale, no siree. Sir Toots waited until they went up by a 1000% (from 20 cents to 2 bucks a pack) so that Mom & Dad would be forced to pony up the real cash for his transgressions. He worked for the money this weekend and off he went with two new packs this morning.

He's loving PE, though. So far, hands-down it's his favorite subject.

Sweet Center has picked right up where he left off last year; squirming his way into his teachers hearts. This year he has two teachers and lucky for us, one is the same teacher he had in 1st grade. She knows his quirks and how to work with him so he's having a ton of fun. His favorite subject so far is spending time in the library. I think he enjoys finding the biggest book he can possibly pick up- just to justify the freakin' huge roller backpack that he JUST HAD to have. For him, we poneyed up the cash to get him rolling from the get-go. He knows not to break anything because his budget is busted.

As for my class, I am enjoying trying to convince 21 four-year olds that they really need to stay in their seats so that we can practice the letter of the week. Again. I figure if I can teach them all to write their names and the days of the week (in order), then it will be a successful year. I'm earning less and enjoying my job more. I think it's a good trade-off to have energy for The Boys at the end of the day. :)

I do need help, dear Internet. Could you please check in with me randomly and ask about my grad school application? Since I'm going to a new school and a totally new program, I have to do the entire application process again. I got my test scores last week and they are where they need to be...I just hope that I can pull off the essay explanation for why I want to teach and yet have spent the last 10 years in the business of healthcare.




By the way, this is a confidential note to someone very special: Have you made your appointment yet? Times-a-ticking and working on your relationship should be the most important thing on your to-do list. Love you! :)

My addiction, again

yes, more self-help books. Fortunately this is one I have read before and it helped me last time so I thought another perusal would do me some good. Just your basic run-of-the-mill relationship books to help you feel better connected to your spouse.

So, I'm reading and getting pretty wrapped up in the things that we don't do for each other anymore. Things like flowers and little notes to remind each other how much we still care. I get to thinking and start to feel sad about it. In the middle of my reading, I realized we were out of diet coke. This is my life blood and I have to have a diet coke at least once every 3 hours.

As I lay on the floor clutching my chest in agony, Hubba Hubba looks at me and chuckles. And then proceeds to run to 7-eleven to buy me a big Gulp. I love this man.

We're going to pretend it hasn't been over a month...

since I updated this blog. Sir Toots has turned 5 and tomorrow Sweet Center turns 10. I can't believe it. It sounds so cliche to say that....but it really is true. I still remember how fat they both were as babies. :)

I am having a blast at my new job. I love being around The Boys all day and I'm learning a ton that will help me with teaching. The kids are so cute and I already have a favorite or two. Keep your fingers crossed about my graduate school stuff. I have requested all the test scores and transcripts that I need to get into the program so now I just have to finish up my letter of reason and get a couple of references lined up. Shouldn't be too hard, right?? Hopefully not.

Anyway, I will try to update more regularly. I know you are out there waiting with anticipation for my next post.

For A Good Time Call....

Yes, Sweet Center has a cell phone. If you haven't yet received a call from him, don't worry, I'm sure it's coming!
Grandma thought it would be a neat (super) early birthday present, so when she signed up for a new phone, she got the free phone assigned to him. She's covering his airtime.

Ah, the description of airtime is a bit out of his league. Sweet Center doesn't quite grasp that he's limited in the time he's allowed to talk on the phone. The original plan slated for him to share 900 minutes with Grandma. By day three, he had used over 350 and so she switched plans. We're trying to get him into texting (cuz itz free) and he really doesn't need to learn how to properly use the english language. Proper grammer is for sissies. U NO WHT I MEEN?

Is it really JULY??

Where has the summer gone? I've enjoyed my time at home with The Boys this summer. Unfortunately it's rained and rained. Then it decides to rain a little more. I heard today that we got rain 21 days in the month of June. Here's to hoping that July is dryer!!

If not, then our escape to Wisconsin should be dry. I'm hoping for sun, sun and then some more sun! I never thought I would look forward to the weather in Wisconsin! :)

The Boys head out to spend some time with family in the country next week. I will have 3 days to clean, read and get ready for our trip. I will miss them like crazy
(after the first day!)

Until then we have my sister's three little ones spending some time with us this week. They all just arrived tonight and I already get to play Tooth Fairy for my nephew. Good Times. Really, I mean it. Good Times. I just have to get used to having a messy house. Cleaning up after 2 is way easier than cleaning up after 5. :) Send loving thoughts my way. It will be a long week.

My addiction

I'm addicted to self help books. Any kind, any topic, and I pick it up and read. Not always cover to cover, but I try to get the gist of it and decide whether I agree on the basic premise. Well, I'm reading one right now that just kicked me in the butt on parenting. The ideas are phenomenal and I whole heartedly agree with 98% of what the author talks about to truly create a connection with our children.

"Buddha never raised kids & Jesus didn't drive carpool" by Vickie Falcone is an amazing read. She is able to take timeless philosophies and teachings from spiritual masters and meld them with parenting. Really, she says, all the information we need to be present and active in our children's lives is already out there, we just don't always think of them as pertaining to our children and our dilemmas as we raise them to be responsible & loving people.

I have noticed a difference in dealing with The Boys. My own peace has jumped and I am learning to take a deep breath (or two!) before I charge headlong into breaking up a fight or correcting Sir Toots when he acts out.

The key thing that every parent needs to learn, according to Ms. Falcone, is how to PHIL our childs needs.
Children learn best when they are PHIL'led up and parents are the best ones to make this happen for their child:
P: Powerful
H: Heard
I: Important
L: Loved

I love the book and I highly recommend it to anyone with kids.

As for the other stressor in my life, a career, it appears that things are shaping up. I had an interview today and another one on Monday to help me pursue my teaching certification. Hubba Hubba and I have really talked about this and since it's something that I really want to pursue, then I'm going to work in a school environment while I take my classes for cetification. Yes, it's a lot less money than I had been making, but he is so supportive of me and is ready to do what he can to make it happen.

I'm in a really happy place right now. Today I can say it is about White Tulips and Sunshine. I'm going to continue to think positive and breathe. I'm asking the Universe for some things and I believe that I deserve them. That's a huge step for me.

We can't get enough of the outdoors....

We had 8 children spend the night last night. In tents. Outside. I think we are taking this outdoor thing a bit far. But, we had s'mores and told stories and made the night all about the kids. It was nice. Until about 2:30am when I couldn't sleep and the brave mother that was outside with me decided to call it quits and go home. Fortunately she lives across the street, so it wasn't a big deal. I packed up the remaiming children and took them all inside. Unfortunately, I didn't get to sleep in my own bed. Sir Toots wanted to sleep with Hubba Hubba, so I slept in the guest bed upstairs. That was very nice- no children and no bugs. Until 8:00am this morning when I was awaken by yelling about breakfast downstairs.

I went down and calmed everyone by promising something grand. And then went to my own bed and kicked Hubba Hubba into the kitchen to deliver on my promise. It's nice to have him around.

We Really are City Folks

Ms. S. can't get over how much of a City Boy Hubba Hubba is. So different from the boys she knows. I've tried to tell her that he's actually a City Man, since he did grow up in a city and spent some time in South America growing up. Obviously this means that farming is totally foreign to him. Me too, for that matter. I remember going to visit my grandparents ranch in Central Texas and walking through the orchards and going out to see the cattle. But, truly this was vacation and not my real life, so I'm pretty umfamiliar with how to grow things.

However, with our house, we inherited 2 peach trees. They didn't bloom that much last year, so we asked my grandmother what to do to make them pop this season. Hubba Hubba dutifully followed her directions last Fall and we chuckled about how funny it would be if we actually got anything edible of them this year.

Boy, Howdy...did we ever!!

Doesn't that make your mouth water?

That's Sweet Center in the background, trying to figure out what the hell we were doing out amongst the bugs in the backyard:


This is 1 of 3 boxes full of peaches:


Hubba Hubba had quite a bit of fun pulling them down from the trees:


And Sir Toots loved going through them and he pulled out the "icky ones":


We may be City Folks, but we sure do know how to grow us some peaches!

Father's Day

A day to celebrate the men that make a difference in the lives of The Boys.

For Hubba Hubba: I love you more with each day. No more so than when I see you with Our Boys and the way you love them. I have a snapshot in my mind of when Sweet Center was oh so small. You were laying on the floor playing with him and the light that shone between you two took my breath away. The memories continue, this morning it such a joy to see you teach Sir Toots how to shave.






to Pop: Your love and guidance over the years have meant more than I can ever articulate. Watching you with my own children makes me appreciate you so much more. The tenderness you have for each of your grandchildren is beyond anything I could have imagined. Thank you for opening your heart to each of them and showing them how a real man loves.

to Gramps: Your love for The Boys is amazing. I still remember the day you drove up to the house and Sir Toots yelled to all his friends, "That's my friend, Gramps! " You are their friend and so much more. Thank you for your love and for being a true grandpa!

To Grandpa De: Your relationship with The Boys is blooming. Thank you for making the effort and spending time with them. And really, thanks for your efforts with Hubba Hubba as he grew up. I know what a handful he was, but he turned into a helluva winner. I know where he gets his playfulness with his own sons.

To Uncle Tony: Your love for my boys is a joy to see. Thank you! By the way, you have something under your arm...oh wait, that's just a spot that needs to be tickled!

Random Quote for the Day

Love is the Child of Freedom.
~from an old French song

I love this quote because it makes me think of all the people close to me that have allowed me to truly be myself over the years and how much I love them for that. By giving me the freedom to be myself, they have created an atmosphere of love.

Hubba Hubba's willingness to stand by and support me in all the phases and growing that we have been through over the years is certainly one of the key things that keep us together today.

My sisters willingness to smile and shake her head when I totally overstep my bounds.

The way my mother rolls her eyes and then just laughs at me when I continue to overstep my bounds.

How The Boys know that Mama is trying to be patient and love me in spite of my faults.

My dear friends who commiserate with me and then find a way to make me laugh in spite of myself.

My family and friends who know that despite my failings, I'm really trying. The Freedom to make mistakes and know that they will still come back around is liberating.


I only hope that I do the same.

Random Facts about US

1) Hubba Hubba wasn't really sure he wanted to go out with me in the beginning.
2) I wasn't really sure that I wanted to date him, either.
2a) We got over it.
3) Hubba Hubba never proposed to me.
4) Sweet Center's real name was going to be spelled different, until they screwed it up in the hospital and we figured that the poor kid has us as parents and we shouldn't add to his burden, so we went with the common spelling.
5) Sir Toots was supposed to be a girl. Now, he just REALLY likes girls. and kissing. except his Grandma. For some reason, he thinks he's allergic to her kisses.
6) We really like basketball. Knew that already, didn't ya?
7) Hubba Hubba and I never had a honeymoon.
8) Hubba Hubba is really smart.
9) I'm the one with personality. :)
10) Our best friend lives a long way away.
11) We miss him.
12) He didn't like the idea of us dating, either.
13) He got over it, too.
14) I like random bits of poetry and quotes.
15) Sweet Center can tell you all the characters found in every single Star Wars movie.
16) Sir Toots can tell you all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles names.
17) We've moved over 10 times in 10 years. I'm done moving for a long time.
18) We've talked about adopting a little girl. It probably won't happen.
19) Hubba Hubba swears that he's taking me to Bora Bora some day. It better happen.
20) We don't call the people we love enough.
21) We hope that they can love us anyway. or just get over it.
22) Pepper and Harley Girl love to play in the flowerbed in the backyard.
23) I'm really happy with the life we have. I think Hubba Hubba is, too.

Tweeners

A little ice, some TLC, and a visit from the Tooth Fairy makes a sore heel all better. Fortunately Sweet Center doesn’t seem to have any long-term injuries and he will live to play another day.

And Mom? Well, a good kiss, a warm bath and an early bedtime helps with a fresh perspective. Things really aren’t that rough, it just seems to be sometimes. And if a girl can’t complain to the Internet, then what does she have left in this world?

Sir Toots and I are off to a baseball game today. It should be super fun! Sweet Center is spending the day with a friend celebrating his birthday at a local waterpark. Totally right up his alley.

I think that I’m going to try and compromise on this whole career thing. I just might look into continuing my business career and then volunteer with a special group. There’s an ADD group here in Dallas that is apparently pretty active and this would enable us to spend time with kids and their families, while learning a bit about how to help us as a family cope with the changes that come along with being a Tweener with ADD.

Did you know that Sweet Center is considered a Tweener? He’s not really a kid anymore and yet he’s not a teenager. He’s in between, thus he’s considered a Tweener. It’s difficult to put into words the subtle changes he’s going through right now. The next stage of development is so different from what he’s been through before. His childlike responses aren’t always appropriate now and yet he’s still now sure how to be “all adult” about something. It’s a learning process on what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t.

Hey, I think I might be a Tweener, too! Can I claim that title??

"Queen Tweener!~"

somehow I counted wrong..

this is post 102...I don't know how those geniuses at Blogger manage to stay on top of how many posts I have when I don't even know. Anyway, I'm in a gritchy mood and I'm trying (unsucessfully) to hide it. Hubba Hubba is giving me a sideways look everytime I open my mouth. I burped and I swear to God I thought he was going to give me another one of his pithy remarks until he realized that I didn't actually say anything. Then he couldn't really say anything smart assey back at me so he suffered a moment of frustration and then went back to his paper. I'm telling you, fun times in our house.

Sweet Center just lost his first summer basketball game by 10 points and he somehow managed to bruise his heel. How do you do that at 9, you ask? Well, first you get really lazy before the game and refuse to untie your shoes all the way...then you just jam your foot into a high top. When it won't immediately slide it, you start to stomp on the back end of your shoe until your foot starts to hurt. It will eventually go into the shoe, but a small amount of damage occurs which insures that you are unable to jump for a rebound or take a good shot because your heel, omigod, your heel it hurts sooo bad.

I guess once I figure out what I want to be when I grow up then things will settle into a routine around here. For now, Hubba Hubba and I are discussing the merits of teaching vs. an actual career in the business field. I like the teaching thing and he doesn't like the pay. He likes the pay of the business world and would prefer that I pursue something that will allow us to drive expensive cars and take a nice vacation on an annual basis.

Sorry, this really is a bitch post...I'm just stuck in limbo and I'm tired of not knowing what I'm going to be doing. Isn't there like a test or a coin I can flip that will tell me what to do? I've stuck up conversations with strangers on the street for their advice, but really, is a homeless man the best idea for a career counselor? Probably not, so I'm stuck. and so, more fun times around here.

My 100th Post!

and I'm actually giving it to Sir Toots and his amazing photo skills.
For your viewing pleasure:

Photography by Sir Toots:

Damn! What a GRIN!!


And a little abstract art....


The Commute to PreSchool Never Looked so Good!


This is totally My Favorite! What Nice Legs You Have, My Dear...


How fabulous is he? Isn't that amazing?!?

But, what I really want to do is to....

Seriouslyl, I need to get better about this sort of thing. Anyway, our house is all in a tizzy because Ms. S will be watching The Boys for the summer. They are so excited about this development. No more daycare. It's all fun and stuff with the new Nanny. Fortunately she's family and I totally trust her with my guys. The neighborhood husbands think it's a hoot that she's gorgeous and like totally built and that I'm allowing her major amounts of time in my house. I think the whole thing is great and I love her to death. I just don't want any of the street boys to get any ideas. She's 19 and is getting ready to have a great summer.

I remember being 19 and feeling like the whole world awaited me to make some grand decisions on how it should rotate to keep me totally happy. That's why we're all carefree at one point or another in our lives- so that we can feel like our options are totally unlimited. Having Ms. S here will allow her to see a bit more of the world than the little corner that she's used to and it will allow The Boys time to really enjoy summer. I so would have loved this opportunity at 19. Fortunately I started dating Hubba Hubba at that point in my life and so I didn't go totally hog wild on freedom. Only just a little bit and I took him along for the ride. He had fun, regardless of what he will tell you now. :)

But, with that little bit of freedom, I lost the ability to see the whole world as full of options. I didn't become captive by any stretch of the word, but I was limited in my decisions because at 21 we had a little one that relied on us to make some positive decisions for him. We went from total and utter irresponsibility to "holy-hell-we-have-to-make-sure-he's-fed-and-stuff" in 2 short years. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I have to come realize is that we made decisions that have gotten us where we are today career wise. Fortunately Hubba Hubba loves what he's doing and he's really good at it, but I seem to have just floated along and ended up...here. And here isn't looking as wonderful as I thought it would. So, I'm taking stock of my work situation and asking questions and I think that it's time for a change. A change in my direction. I'm so blessed that for the first time, because of Hubba Hubba's sucess, I get to look at what I want to do. Not what I have to do to pay the bills and keep shoes on our feet. I have some ideas and I'm mulling some things over.

At 31, it's liberating to think that I can do what I really want to do. With the little bit of wisdom I've picked up over the years, I think this is better than wild freedom at 19.

Love Marks

I have stretch marks. shocker, I know...but seriously, nobody told me about this part of having children- the whole losing the young body that was once upon a time adored....
Anywho.... tonight Sir Toots and I were playing and rolling around on the floor.

He pulls up my shirt and says: oh, that's where we kicked you when we were in your belly.
me: yes, that's right. Those are my love marks.
Sir Toots: well, you have them in front, on the sides, and on your back. Turn over, I want to see them all.
Me: well, yes...hmmm....I love you and your brother you alot.
Sir Toots: I think they are beautiful!

Nobody told me this was part of having children... where sometimes you just want to eat them up. That's the really special part.

Plan B

what is they say about the best laid plans? Well, that's where I seem to be with my work situation. I hate to even blog about my frustrations because it's going to get everyone all in tither and stressed about us. Please don't stress. Hubba Hubba provides well and so we still have shoes on our feet and food in the pantry. I don't know what to do with the food, but it's there just the same. I suppose that's something.

I'm just standing at the edge of a cliff.....I can clearly picture my tender stance.....holding my arms and ready to jump.....For some odd reason I seem to be wearing a long white nightgown. Creepy, because I don't own of those. I'm sure Hubba Hubba would burn it pretty qucikly if I walked out of the bathroom wearing one, anyway. Hopefully he would let me take it off before he lit the match.

But, I digress.....I don't think I was prepared for the ups and downs in this business. I hate the feeling that I'm putting pressure on Hubba Hubba to be the sole supporter. Even when I stayed home with The Boys during their respective first year, I tried to really contribute. For crying out loud, I still have Ms. Maria come and clean the house because I just don't have the time (or inclination) to scrub me some toilets clean. I've been picking The Boys up at 3p and they really enjoy being home earlier. And they are learning that I'm working and I can't go out and toss a ball. But having them here prompts me to wrap it up and go out and play before our normal time. So, that's something else, I suppose.

It's just that I don't how I'm contributing now. I'm certainly not adding to the family coffers. and yet, I'm working so I can't technically call it a day and go to the park. I'm not a stay at home mom and I'm not sure you could me a working mom either. I do believe that in typical fashion, you have to bring in money to be technically considered working.

It will come...I know it will. Like the little blue engine that could....I'm pushing on and believing someone with way more experience in this field than me that it's going to work....

I just wish I could feel a definite success. I'm tired of standing here waiting for something to happen. I want to MAKE it happen.

Amazing Mothers

Amaze:
Main Entry: 1: amaze
Pronunciation: &-'mAz
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): amazed; amaz·ing
to fill with wonder : ASTOUND
intransitive verb : to show or cause astonishment
(from MerriamWebster.com)

I have an amazing Mother. I live in constant awe of the things that she accomplishes in her life. Growing up in East St. Louis without the white picket fence upbringing would lead many people to a small life. But that life wasn't enough for her. She chose to become a better person. It's a choice that she continues to make today. Not perfect, but trying to become a better person. I remember once scolding her for being too nice to someone who had wronged her. I thought she needed to stand up and give them a taste of their own medicine. Her response to me was so insightful. "Sweetie, when I die I don't want people to remember me as a bitch, I want my tombstone to read: She was a nice person." That's it. A nice person. Never mind all the other amazing things she has accomplished, she sees the most important thing as how we treat each other. Between that attitude and the love of a great handbag, I think my amazing mother prepared me well for the world.

I have an amazing Mother in Law. It can't be easy. I was thinking today about the old adage that a mother loses her son when he gets married. It makes me sad, not just because I have sons and I don't want it happen, but because it's true that we do let life get in the way of sharing special momemts with those who mean the most. Couple that with a son who doesn't like to talk on the phone and you have a glimpse into my MILs life with us so far away. I tell myself that I won't let it happen and we try to reach out more often, but I don't believe I have ever really shared how special she is to me and the life that I have built with her son. I am most grateful for her hard work in raising a boy into an amazing man. I know that teaching them to be selfless loving human beings is not easy- especially when they want to grow up into action figures! But, I am ever so thankful that she was steadfast in her love and support of Hubba Hubba over the years. When we were first married with a little one on the way, I'm sure there were momemts of doubt, but to her amazing credit and my eternal gratification, she supported us. And she loved us into this grand adventure called marriage. I have learned many things from her over the last 12+ years. She is an amazing mother-in-law. I am so thankful that I can also say she is my friend.

Today, I truly do celebrate the amazing woman who make a difference in my life everyday.

Happy Mother's Day!

yes, I'm still here...

We are all still here. Things are super busy with school winding down and the outdoor activities that we can now do have taken up much time.

Besides, I'm trying to figure out how the hell to operate FLICKR so that I upload a ton of pictures. I'm terrible at this kind of stuff. Hubba Hubba is much better....but truthfully in the evenings we have developed a habit of no electronics unless necessary. It's tiring to sit at this computer all day and then get back on at night. :)

I have started needling The Boys to help me with a family mission statement. It's neat to talk to them about what it means to be a family. We're trying to structure it so that we have a compass in our family. Does that make sense? Stephen Covey calls it beginning with the end in mind......For example, if a major thing to us as a family is spending time together then it when comes time to do things we figure out ways to do them as a family. Like yard work. Before I used to do the gardening stuff and Hubba Hubba would work on the grass. The Boys would entertain themselves by playing basketball or video games during this time. Now, we all get involved and they help me with the weeds and planting. No sharp objects...but it's fun to have them help.

So, my entries will be sporadic..but I promise to figure out this new fangled picture thing soon!!

It's for real

Sir Toots is offically starting kindergarten in the Fall. I took all the paperwork by today and it was a fairly painless process. Until I walked out of the school and realized that my little baby is really getting big. Kindergarten! It's a big step! He's so excited and can't wait to go to school with Sweet Center.

It's poor Mama that's having the problem with it! :)

My poor little biological clock is so not happy right now. It's shouting! for another baby. But, alas, it's not happening and so I guess I'll just have to baby the puppies and hope that will suffice.

and hug and love on the two big boys that I have. Sweet Center won't let me kiss him unless we're at home now. I can't bribe him or anything. No kisses! That's the rule.

Man, oh man, that happened fast!! It's cliche, but, I do have to ask where the time went......

not your average blog

okay, so I know that people enjoy reading blogs where there's some drama or general feeling of "let's-end-this-marriage-before-we-kill-each-other" type of humor. Unfortunately if that's what you want today then you need to go bookmark yourself to somewhere else. It's not always sunshine and white tulips around here, but today is a good day for me and I want to write about it so.... since you showed up......

I realized last night why I like being married. Especially to Hubba Hubba. He came home from work and I followed him into our bedroom like a little lost puppy. He's trying to get the tie off as quickly as possible and I just look at him. Really look. and I realized how surprised I feel that after all this time that I still get a bit of a jolt when I realize that he's mine. Like I won the lottery of life. I didn't know it would be like this. I don't think I've ever seen it before in a real life marriage.

So, this tender feeling flows over me and I must be smiling like a loony because he looks at me like he's worried about having to recommit me to Nutward. Fortunately the moment passed and we made it through dinner without incident.

But, it was nice to be reminded how special he is and how lucky we are.

So, pardon the gushy feeling today. I promise to try and get back to snot jokes and other rampant things tomorrow.

Growing Up

Sir Toots: I wanna stay 4 forever. Maybe 5, so I can do school. But not, 6 or 7 or 9.
Me: But, your brother made it through and he's doing fine. He had a lot of fun at age 6, 7, and now 9.
Sir Toots: yea....but I like 4. It's nice and you still kiss my feet because they don't smell like his.
Me: Well, that's true. (thinking that I have given this child a foot fetish at the tender ole' age of 4). But really, getting big is a good thing. You can do all sorts of things as you get bigger and stronger.
Sir Toots: But when I grow up I have to move out of the house and leave you. I don't want to leave you.
Me: (thinking that is the sweetest thing he's ever said.) But, sweetie, we all grow up and do things that we want to do for fun.
Sir Toots: Okay, but I'm coming back to live with you every now and then. I don't want to have too much fun!

Company is gone

and I have to say it was....nice. We enjoyed many drinks and some good food. Hubba Hubba has promised to try and cook a little more since it seems pretty apparent that he should have inherited a little bit of cooking finesse. Certainly more than me! and so we'll see how that goes.

Sweet Center is a little sad, like always when company leaves. You'd think that the many personality disorders in this house would keep him entertained for a bit, but I believe he has become bored with us all and relishes the times when others drop in for a visit. I do have to say that this trip was much different though. There was an older boy in the house for 6 days. Of course, he was influenced in things such as musical taste (thus, the rap crap currently in the background) and sports (he didn't know how many homeruns Babe Ruth had and was teased a bit for it- so he's determined to remedy this and is buried underneath a need to soak up as much ESPN radio as humanly possible.) What else....there's something....oh yes, a cell phone. He's absolutely convinced he needs a cell phone, like Uncle Cris. A freakin' cell phone. I'm so hoping that we can hold out on this one for a bit longer. So far it's the only thing he wants for his birthday. Please let there be a super duper special at Verizon in August.

Sir Toots is back to his usual self. Goofy and a little sweet. No worse the wear for the bloody nose he sustained this weekend tossing his new jaguar to his Uncle Cris in a game of some sort. He nows believes that his snot is red. Seriously! He said this to me. He's isn't green like this brother's, it's red because that's his favorite color. MMMMM........okay, if you say so, babe.

Hubba Hubba is back to work with a tie around his neck and smile on his face. He so enjoyed the time to watch his father really be a Grandpa to The Boys and play and tickle them mercilessly. He even played with both the puppies and that really won over Sir Toots. Any dog lover is a good guy in his book.

Uncle Cris was such a sweet guy to The Boys. He played with both of them and taught Sweet Center a few tricks with the basketball. It was fun to watch them really enjoy the time they had together.

So, all in all, my apprehension was unwarranted. My father-in-law is a nice man who's trying to keep his busy life intact and remedy the fact that he hasn't been with his grandsons as much as he, or we, would like. The nice thing is that this visit wasn't about apologies or guilt for would-have's.

It was just a nice visit with two great guys who just happen to be Hubba Hubba's family. We're all trying to do our best in this race called life and that's all we can ask of each other.

Family

Well, I don't know if it's me or just a general feeling of well being due to my current medication, but things are going very well. :) We are all having tons of fun. The Boys are in love with their Uncle and Grandpa. It's quite cute to watch them all play.

Uncle De (as he is being called) has quite the basketball hands. He's teaching Sweet Center some great tricks and ball handling moves. Sir Toots is just in awe of someone over the age of 10 that is paying him some quality attention.

As for me, I'm enjoying the time with my father-in-law. Since it's a relaxed atmosphere, it's much different. We are all enjoying laughs and some really good food!!

Hubba Hubba is just enjoying it all.

The British are coming! The British are coming!!

Not really....but....See? Now you're as worked up as I am about the imminent arrival of my father-in-law. He's always made me a bit nervous. And now he's coming to our new house in Texas. Well, yes we have been here 2 1/2 years, but it's his first visit and I can't help but be a little bit nervous. Hims cultured and stuff. And he'll be here almost an entire week with our little simpleton family.

I love Hubba Hubba's family. The rest of them are really nice normal people and I really enjoy seeing them, but his dad has this thing with a pipe and a slow cadence that makes my little heart stop. Not in a smooth way, just in a totallly intimidated way that makes me feel that whatever I was going to say would be inappropriate. After 12 years you'd really think I would be over it. But, I'm not. I think it has to do with the fact that we got married so young and please, dear God, let this man think that his son chose well in picking me to be his bride.

The carpets are (relatively) clean and the rooms are as organized as they are going to be at this point. Nothin' else I can do but pick him up at the airport this afternoon and hope for the best. I'm still trying to figure out what to do him and Hubba-Hubba's little brother over the next few days. I'm sure we'll have fun. I just need to keep my mouth shut and not say anything too shocking or out of the realm of acceptance. Think The Boys can do that? Ya, me neither.

I am looking forward to a stress free visit in 2 weeks with Grammy and Auntie Courtney. That will definitely be fun. :)

Think good thoughts for me today!

Celebration

I woke up this morning and remembered that I had a blog. That all 3 of you read. and I have been ever so neglectful in updating you on what's happening our in happy little household. Please accept my humble apologies. I shall whip myself with old noodles in the pantry later today as punishment. :)

The other night I was able to convince Sweet Center to shear his hair. All of it. He looks so adorable (and clean!) now that I just can't stop telling him. So:

Sweet Center: Mom, it's getting a little annoying that you tell me 20 times a day that I'm cute and that you love me.
Me: Well, I know you're getting big and stuff. I can't kiss you in front of your friends now. Do you want me to stop telling you how wonderful I think you are?
Sweet Center: Well.....no. How about just 10 times a day instead of 20. I think I can handle hearing it like 10 times a day.

It's been a wonderful week for him. On Monday he received word that he made "Commended" on the state mandated testing. AND! he gets a gold medal to show off. This is the neat part for him. The gold medal is super cool. And the rest of the week has been super check + for him all week. If everything holds steady and he finishes all his assignments on time today then I promised that we would go buy the movie "Eragon" and have the grandest movie night on the block.

Keep your fingers crossed for the boy. He's so lovely, cute and wonderful that I want to just celebrate him. But only like 10 times today. After the super week he's had he certainly doesn't deserve a mother who annoys him.

Random Thoughts

today is a hodge podge of stuff. I've been working and shuttling Sweet Center to basketball camp all the while making sure that everyone has clean underwear. A mother's work is never done, I tell ya! :)

I've been meaning to put this up for a bit:
4 Things:
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Cashier at Chuck E Cheese (high school)
2. Unit clerk in a NICU (neonatal ICU) (college)
3. Corporate Trainer (1st semi real job)
4. Pharmaceutical Rep

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. The Mummy
2. The Mummy II
3. Princess Bride
4. any Christian Slater movie (preferably the early years before he went all crazy on drugs and what not)

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Frisco, TX
2. Indianapolis, IN
3. Lubbock, TX
4. Fond du Lac, WI

D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Any basketball that's on
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Scrubs (it's Hubba Hubba's favorite)
4. Eureka (SciFi Channel)

E) Four places I have been on vacation
1. Galveston, TX
2. Cabo San Lucas
3. San Antonio, TX
4. Damn, we need to get out more.....

F) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Crab
2. lasagna (my mom's version)
3. chocolate chip cookies
4. Taco Beuno bean burrito

H) Four places I would like to be right now:
1. Shopping for hardwood floors
2. on the beach in Mexico
3. San Antonio (with Hubba Hubba)
4. Disney World (with all my boys)

And. The dogs are doing good. Harvey and Pep have begun to play together. Super cute.
I'm still car shopping....I so wanted a Mini Cooper, but then we test drove one with The Boys in the backseat and it just didn't seem right to cram them into a car everytime we needed to head out for a loaf of bread. I didn't think I could handle the 'pop' sound that would ensue everytime I had to wedge out Sweet Center's legs from the backseat.

I do believe that's all on our frontier....

apples

I made a deal with The Boys. If they would help me put away all their laundry then we would sit down in our jammies and watch whatever movie they chose. They were up for it and were a great help in getting all their clothes upstairs. I started cleaning some things up while they were picking out the movie.

Sweet Center calls out, "Mom, what are you doing?"

I reply, "Give me just a second. I'm trying to finish up and I'll be right there to watch Wallace and Gromit with you." I'm thinking that he's getting impatient with me and wants me to come and sit down with them like I promised. I have a slight elated feeling that it's so important to him that I come and sit with him. Isn't it so sweet the way he is pestering me so that we can have some fun time?

Sweet Center interrupts my charming thoughts by yelling out "oh, you aren't busy....get me an apple and cut it up, will ya?"

Sick Puppy

Holy Crap! Did you know that puppies can get really sick and keep you up at night? Did you? Well, evidently that thought never crossed our minds on Sunday. It didn't really occur to us that having a 3 month-adorable-as-all-get-out-puppy would have us staring at each other over the glow of the alarm clock as it slowly counted the minutes down to the start of our day. Between the mess on the carpets from coccidia's disease (don't ask- it's gross and requires medication) to the pitiful cough that rattles Harley's whole chest (which, coincidentally also requires medication) we aren't sleeping much. Currently she's swallowing down 3 pills a day and I'm getting ready to go get the 4th from the vet to suppress the cough so that she (WE!) can sleep. Hubba Hubba is such a sucker for this little girl. He brought her to bed with us and cuddled up with her until she fell into her fitful sleep around 4:30am. Safely tucked in his arms. Yes, I will admit to a bit of jealousy. That's my spot at night, gash darnnit!

We have discussed that it's like having a newborn in the house. Except I was breastfeeding the last one so it was pretty easy to bring him to bed with us (which he still thinks is where he is supposed to wake up everyday!!!) and it wasn't a big deal.

This is a big deal. Harley is losing weight, and really when you weigh 7lbs, there isn't much to lose. So, for now we're keeping her within sight at all times. Poor Pep is slowly coming around. We are giving him extra attention and The Boys play with him every chance they get now. It's cute to watch him be a little snot and stare at us and then decide that he's okay with us loving on him in the presence of this other annoyance.

Well, I'm off to buy a new comforter for our bed (don't ask- it's gross.)

Rescued

Well, the weekend started out pretty normal. And then.....well, let me introduce you to the newest member of the family:



She was christened "Harley" in the middle of the pet store when we absolutely had to have a name for her collar. Sir Toots calls her "Harley Girl". She's 3 months old and is very sweet. Since I work from home, it was assumed that I could a majority of the house training. :) But, she's really Sweet Centers puppy. She slept with him last night and he absolutely LOVED it!

We have no idea what kind of dog she really is, some Blue Heeler mixed in with a little bit of something else. Hubba Hubba loves her and thinks that since he didn't get a say on Pep that it's fair that I was ganged up on and ended up with a new puppy. I don't really mind. She's adorable, and like kids, that will get you pretty far when you make a mess in the house.

Pep isn't really crazy about her, but he'll come around eventually. He's getting his monthly grooming right now and I'm sure that he thinks he's been shipped off for the netherland. I hope he comes around soon though, because it's getting a bit ridiculous to watch him run from the room when all 7lbs of Harley shows up!

Thursday 13

2 weeks ago today my mother bought a house that is exactly .9 miles (is that mile singular?) from our house.

Today is 13 Reasons I Love Having My Mom So Close:

13) It's not a big production to have dinner with her now. She can meet us somewhere and then not feel like she's tied to us for the rest of the evening.
12) The Boys think it's a mini vacation to go to Grandma's House for a few hours.
11) Her lasagna is way better than mine.
10) I think it's a mini vacation to go to her house for a few hours.
9) She shops at Costco, so there's always extra sponges and toilet paper in her garage.
8) She doesn't care if I want a nap and The Boys just want to watch a movie when we visit.
7) There's always something for The Boys to do now that she has a backyard!
6) We can talk all we want and not be tied to the phone.
5) I have a new walking partner to keep me company early in the morning.
4) She doesn't mind if Pepper joins us for dinner. I think she actually likes him running around her house.
3) This past week she watched The Boys while Hubba Hubba and I sat at home and moaned through our sickness. That's like the greatest gift ever!
2) She can go to The Boys sporting events and not have to make a day of it. And she's always up for ice cream afterwards!
1) There's nothing like having your best friend right down the street- nothing beats having her so close!!

My mother is one of the New Generation grandma's. She has a job that she loves and a life that she enjoys but she still finds a way to balance us all. Between business trips and soccer games, she knows what matters and always finds a way to make it all work.

Her 5 grandchildren are lucky to have her as their grandmother and my sister and I are super lucky to have her as our mother and best friend.

I love you, Mom.

The Force

Please call George Lucas and let him know that The Force is running loose in our toy room.

Air hockey in our house can get a little fierce. Sir Toots and I were in the midst of an epic battle when I notice he's not sending the puck back to me. I look up at him and he's got this look of utter concentration on his face and his little hand is stretched out. The puck, meanwhile, is slowly turning under the air that is circulating on the surface just out of his reach. Sir Toots looks up at me and says, "I can't reach it. But I can use the force!"

And, lo, as it was spoken, the puck slowly rotates and glides within the reaches of his fingers.

The Jedi Master beamed!

Levity!

Yea! no fevers, chills or upchucking in the house! Well, except for Pep, and he's a dog so he's allowed to puke at random intervals and it doesn't mean he's sick. :) Everyone's off to school and work feeling as close to normal as they can after the sickness struggle from the last few weeks.

So, I bring you some fun for today's blogging pleasure: What's your favorite color?

See, the idea is that your favorite color tells something about your personality. Mine is red and I thought it was because I looked good in the hue. Actually it shows that I'm one of those instant gratification people. Red is the color of passion and thus I pursue things at high speed. yes, uhm, that's me. To a tee.

Sweet Center prefers blue, which is the color of charm and clarity. Well, I do say, he is charming! And the ability to space out. Yes, he is definitely able to do that.

Sir Toots likes orange, the color of emotional responses, and inner magnetism. Have you ever seen him make that face? The face that tells you exactly how he feels? Yes, well, he is definitely emo driven and has no problem drawing people in.

Hubba Hubba is such a stinker that his favorite color is black. For crying out loud, you ask, what does that mean? Well, it showcases a persons preference to hold back information. To stay mysterious. Hello! When did they meet Hubba Hubba? This man can go for days without sharing information. I have to use the same tricks on him that I use on The Boys to find out how his day was.

So, what about you? Follow the link and then let us know about your favorite color and what it says about you.

Tag!

The Flu is playing tag in our house. Currently it's my turn. Hubba Hubba spent the weekend in bad with it and that's not really any fun at all. We had gorgeous weather and he missed Sir Toots' soccer game. So, yea he was really sick. I woke this morning with the aches and chills. I've currently slept all day and now have that woozy head that accompanies the flu. The doc we went to this weekend for Hubba Hubba said that it's flying all over the city and he's seen about 40+ patients this weekend alone with the flu. Well, gripey....let's get it over with already. I thought I had escaped it's evil clutches, but alas, here it is.

The bummer is that I was really starting to feel really good. My other meds were beginning to work and I was up on some really good leads with work. Ah, a few days in bed never killled a career. :)

I would like to say that I appreciate the support and emails that I have received regarding my decision to go back on meds. My initial hesitation was due to my last treatment. I ended up a victim of the Black Box warning and spent 24 hours in a nutward on suicide watch because the reaction to my high dose was so bad. Fortunately I was able to lean on some really strong people and got the support I needed to make it through. The best treatment for my symptons (Anxiety attacks and depression) is serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SSNRI), which is what I was on previously. My current doc recommended a small dose and said that he would monitor me every 2-3 weeks.

I can't deny I need the help, I just want to make sure that Hubba Hubba has a wife and The Boys have a mother for a long time. But, I will admit that I want to feel sane while being here. So, meds it is. With a little Diet Coke, I should fine.

Political Post

Just a fair warning for my right leaning readers.....
I know that GWB is seen by some as the second coming and my, don't we all really like him because, he is after all, a christian?!?
I'm not slamming the person, I'm slamming the policies and the repurcussions of those policies that have entrenched us so deeply in another country that no one seems to know what we should do next. What kind of world our we building for our children?

Well, I would just like to request your perusal of the following site. This is a very important issue. It's a link to the National Religious Campaign Against Torture Which essentially just means that we as citizens have to request that our politicians step up to the plate and actually abide by the Constitution and The Geneva Convention.

Please add your name to this vital campaign. The world really does NOT need to see the USA involved in another Abu Ghraib. Our reputation as a leader in human rights has already been tarnished. It is time for the people of this country to show the world that we are NOT okay with the decisions being vetted out of the White House.

and if you are interested in some amazing commentary on the web I would like to recommend Andrew Sullivan's blog. He is an amazing voice sharing stories and thoughts that help us all realize that we must pay attention. We don't have to get on a bus and drive to Washington to burn bras, but we have to be informed. Because it's true, 'If you aren't mad then you aren't paying attention.'


_________________________
on a personal note, I have again started some kind of medication to assist me in balancing out my moods. This one appears to be working already. Sweet Center was quite exuberant with his hugs and kisses this morning. Evidently I am a much better and more patient mother on some sort of drug. After a bit of struggle and resistance to doing meds again, I have decided that I'm okay with it. If he keeps up the hugs, I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes. :)
Besides, it kinda makes me feel feisty again.

balance

Sir Toots' fever broke yesterday early morning so he spent the day half on the couch and half in my office wanting to help me work. How do you explain that as cute as you are, it's probably not going to get me to the finish line any faster?

But, the dagger was truly thrown this morning. He was much better and no longer contagious so he really needed to get back to school. Friends, learning and all that important stuff. Plus, you know, Mama's gotta work. So, I'm' helping him get dressed in his uniform and he looks at me dead in the eye and says, " I hate school. It's too long." and then begins to cry. Now, this wouldn't be earth shattering news if I hadn't recently started to struggle with my mommy guilt over leaving him in daycare until around 5p everyday. I'm home and so I think I should be picking The Boys up around 3p. Only problem is that I really do have to work. And I can't talk on the phone if they are running around screaming. I tried it. Once. That was enough to convince that 5p really isn't that late. But then I get to thinking how that's like 9 hours. A super long time if your 4 and not feeling in tip top shape.

So, I promised I would pick him up early. No, not nap time early. But definitely before the usual time. Now, I just have to figure out how to get work done. :)

basketball, old dragons and fevers

The good news is that Sweet Center's team won their first game! Unfortunately Sir Toots and I had to leave at halftime so that I could get him to his soccer game (which they lost by a mind numbing score of 26-0 but fortunately it didn't matter because at this age it really is about having fun and they definitely had fun!) so we missed the big win. But we wrapped everything up and made it in time for the Championship Game! It was amazing! and so fun to see the boys play so hard. Ultimately they lost, but the progess they made this past season is truly phenomenal. Sweet Center had a blast and really didn't care that they lost, he was just excited that they made it to the final game! And really in the end, that's what matters. :)

So, The Boys have the greatest Auntie Zeus and they got Valentine's Day boxes. Sir Toots got a dragon book with knights and 3D pictures and everything! He's in heaven and really we haven't gone anywhere this past week without this big red book. So last night, Hubba Hubba and I were sleeping a pleasant sleep when I suddenly feel this immense heat and then get a really good corner of a book up my nose. The heat was coming off of Sir Toots in waves. 103 fever at 3am is not really a great way to start the week. We ran a bath and got him calmed down. Then plugged in the humidifier and turned off the lights. But, they had to go back on so that we could read about dragons one more time. How do you deny a kid when the sounds coming out of his mouth make you think that he traded voiceboxes with a frog in a dark alley and he really got the raw end of the deal? You don't. You read all about 3 and 4 headed dragons. Again. And then you laugh when you get to the picture of the really old dragon with wrinkly skin, hunched back and a unbelievable case of gout on his face.

At least that's what we do when Sir Toots gets a bad case of the flu.
Happy week to you!

Whirlwind!

This is it! The playoffs are today! And Sir Toots starts spring soccer! We havn't quite figured out how to be in two places at once yet. We keep hoping that the miracle of science will come through at the last minute and give us an ingenious way to clone ourselves so that we can be at a (very important) basketball game at 2p and then (the first of the season) soccer game at 3p on the other side of town.

If you hear of anything, please let us know. :)

Have a great day! The weather has finally warmed up around here and it's a gorgeous 60 outside.
Sorry, didn't mean to rub that in for those of you still buried under record amounts of snow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

okay, they really are serious

about this whole playoff basket ball thing. I received this email from the Head Coach of Sweet Center's basketball team today:
_____________________________
Below are a couple suggestions for the boys to make sure they are ready to play this weekend. Obviously its your call, but it would help the team if they were put into effect.

1. No sleepovers Friday night so they can get normal sleep
2. No carbonated drinks this week
3. Keep them hydrated with water leading up to the game - starting at least mid week
4. A big breakfast on Saturday morning with some good complex carbs and protein
____________________________

Yes, really. He's serious! and this is after the previous email I received from one of the Asst Coaches regarding the importance of washing their hands and staying germ free this week so that they can perform at their optimal level on Saturday. I'm not sure that we're up for this level of competitiveness. Yes, I love to watch them win, but really can we please keep it in perspective here? This is a team of 8 and 9 year olds! We're just as happy if they perform well, have fun, and then still end up losing. :)

Just like me....

only smaller and with a wee-wee.
Sweet Center is home today sick with what we currently believe is strep throat. Or as he calls it 'Stray Throat'- like the sucker just wandered into our house and planted itself onto his body. We shall know for sure this afternoon when we go see the pediatrician.

As for now, he's doing my two of my favorite things: laying on the couch and watching ESPN.

Later he says he wants to watch Star Wars, Episode III. I really can't take credit for that one. I lay the blame at the feet of Hubba Hubba regarding Star Wars. That's all his fault.

But the fact that the kid gets a kick out of watching the NFL skills challenge from the Pro Bowl Week in Hawaii? Yea, that one's all mine.


****Update****
No strep throat. Just a nasty cold that's giving him fits. I was worried about the Stray Throat thing invading our house. He's not a pleasant houseguest. :)

Click and Vote!!

Dream Vacation Contest

for my SILs photo! She has a chance at a dream vacation with this fabulous photo. It's a beautiful night by the water that you can only see in Wisconsin.

Go celebrate her Good Eye by clicking and voting!!

Wee-wees and Vajayjays

Sir Toots has finally realized that Mama is a girl and this means that I have different parts then he does.
Hubba Hubba bought me this great wrap to wear after the shower. It's especially helpful since the bathroom door can't seem to stay closed in the morning. It's like we all must get dressed in the exact same room! 3300+ sq feet in this house and The Boys have to be in our 12X10 bathroom every morning.

Yesterday when I squeezed into our room for a bit of privacy Sir Toots followed me. As I struggle to put on undies with my wrap on he leans over and scrunches up his face. The exact words out of his mouth were, "You don't have a wee-wee. What do you use?" Like I'm defective or something. Well, the only words I could get out were,"well, Mama has a vajayjay and so I don't need a wee-wee." This works for a bit and then he says," but how does that work for you?"

Well, heck. I know I'm supposed to use the real techincal term and so I sit down and tell him that Mama has a 'vagina' and that means I'm a girl. He's starting to understand but is still a little confused. As he looks at me his eyes wander down and the next question out of his mouth is,"What are those things? Daddy and I don't have circles like you."

Yes, ladies and gentleman, the child is turning into a regular Sherlock Holmes seeking out answers to the toughest questions. I add that my breasts (man, I so wanted to call 'em boobs!) are another thing that girls have that boys don't. and then quickly squirm away back into the bathroom.

Well, damn, he follows me....and asks what "those" are for. Hubba Hubba looks at me out of the corner of his eye while he quietly irons his shirt and waits for my answer. Did the man offer to assist? Did he step in and help me gain a little dignity? No, sir, he did not! He stood there with a gleam in his eye and michevious grin on his face waiting for the words of wisdom that I'm supposed to dish up while half dressed and barely awake. So I'm out here on my own with this one and so I tell Sir Toots that breasts are for feeding babies. This works until he wants to touch them. He reaches over and gives me a really good feeling-up! OOOhhhhh, now I'm totally so done with this conversation. I look at him and tell him, "Girls have vajayjays and boys have wee-wees. It's different parts for each but they do the same thing, like help us go potty."

Luckily this answer works for him. He steps away from me and picks up Baby Jaguar and starts to put on his underwear. He turns and looks at me. With his wee-wee hanging out he says, "Look at my boy wee-wee! Mama doesn't have one!" Evidently this makes him superior to girls.

Boy, do I have my work cut out for me.

The 24 hours that almost broke it all

4 years into this grand adventure I woke up and realized that I didn't really know the man sleeping next to me. Sure, he was still good looking and great at playing with Sweet Center, but we were friends who didn't talk anymore. I had no idea what projects he was working on that kept him at work until 8p and he had no idea I was going to all those lunch hour movies when I was supposed to be at work. It was a strange time for us, I knew that what we had wasn't an ideal marriage, but like most people who experience it, the void between us just happened. It appeared and slowly there was nothing there but lingering love and a wish for what we could be. What we had promised each other we would be.

So, that day I thought a change was in order. There was a fall festival at Sweet Center's preschool. Total family night and I thought it would be fun for us to all go together. Well, Hubba Hubba had other plans. I did some digging and find out that his plans involved video games with coworkers after hours. In the office, like the last several months. No projects, just fun and games with people who didn't have the same responsibilities that he did. Freedom is a nice thing at 24. I know because I was experiencing my own version through a few friends at work. My fun just happened during the day so Hubba Hubba didn't notice as much. Somehow in my mind his refusal to go the fall festival was a huge dissapointment. I didn't communicate to him the importance of the evening. I knew it was time for us to reconnect and have fun together. I just hadn't shared it with him because I was too busy gritchin' about it to other people.

When I picked Sweet Center up from preschool I saw all the decorations up for the festival and started to get really upset about the whole thing. From the moment we turned away from each other all the way right up to the current moment, I was just sick. What I really hadn't talked about with Hubba Hubba is that fact that I felt like I was doing all the work and really serving the role of solo parent. He was having his fun after hours when we were supposed to be a family and I was starting to simmer about it. I didn't consider that perhaps I had driven him to this by my inattention, all I knew is that I was really pissed. I certainly didn't consider that I was having the same fun, just during the day. In that moment all I thought was that I was the one picking up Sweet Center and I was the making his dinner and getting him ready for bed. Alone.

I packed a few things and loaded up Sweet Center to stay at my mother's house. I figured if I was going to go it alone, I should really be alone. Why have someone else around just for dissapointments sake? I was a modern women with a good job who was close to finishing my degree, I could handle this. Isn't that it's all about? Being able to make the tough decisions that work best for me and my child?

Hubba Hubba comes home just as I'm pulling out and wants to know what we're doing. So, I get out of the car, take Sweet Center inside and then tell him. and he's furious. Who the hell am I take his child away without telling him? Tell you? How can I tell you anything when you aren't here? Well, maybe if you'd pretend to care it wouldn't be like this. Hmmm, I thought caring meant actually be involved in someone's life.

You get the picture. Not pretty. So I went in and packed up Sweet Center again and we left for my mother's. On the drive over there I realized that the heated discussion forced us to say things that we hadn't communicated before and gave us the chance to really be heard. So after Sweet Center went to bed I called an old friend. The one friend who witnessed our entire relationship and understood the little quirks. He told me that he had talked to Hubaa Hubba and knew that I had left. And he just listened. and listened some more. He offered words of encouragement, the type that a man offers when he feels sucked into a vortex and isn't sure that he's going to get out. And then asked me to breakfast the next morning.

That night I held onto Sweet Center and listened to him breathe in his little boy sleep. I didn't want to raise him alone. I wanted the relationship Hubba Hubba and I had promised each other. I wanted Sweet Center to have a mom and dad who loved and communicated even when it was hard so that it would work. I wanted him to know that people give a little and receive a lot in return in this thing called happily ever after.

So I get to breakfast the next morning at 10 and talk some more. This fabulous friend just continued to listen. oh, and he stole a glance or two at his watch. and then I knew why. Hubba Hubba walked in at 10:30. He walked right over and sat down like he was supposed to be there. Our dear sweet friend lays down his money and walks out the door. So it was just us. Staring at each other. And then I started to cry.

I told him that I wasn't going to sacrifice in my marriage. I wanted to be with someone who listened and helped and was there when I needed him. I wanted to be that wife, the one that all the other guys wished they were married to who actually made her husband's life better. I didn't want to be a nag but I wasn't going to compromise. I knew it was tough and I knew the chances were pretty slim that we would actually enjoy being an old married couple, but dammit, we had promised each other. and we had promised again when Sweet Center was born. I wanted him to know that love was more than just a four letter thrown around on Valentine's Day. Hubba Hubba listened and reached his hand across the table. He slowly said the words that would change the entire direction of our marriage, "I want that too, but how do we do it?"

I knew that our road back wasn't going to be easy and we spent more than a fair share of money on a therapist so that we could learn to communicate but it has been worth it. All ten years have been worth it.

I can honestly say that I'm married to a wonderful man who stepped up to the plate when many men would have run the other way. and he held onto me when I wasn't worth holding onto. The tough decisions we make are what actually show who we are and what we want out of life. and marriage.



ever thine.
ever mine.
ever ours.

Matt and Rachel
February 8, 1997