October is Boobies Month

Seriously, it is. You go in and get a mammocram and they give you a little pink bag and a travel size nail file set all lined up pretty in a pink case. I got both today! Joy.

My family doc found some "bothersome" spots and wanted me to get in pronto to have the ladies checked out. Didn't realize it was any issue...but his sweet RN called yesterday and wanted to know when I was going in for my ordered mammocram. Fortunately I did schedule the appt...just not with the haste they felt was necessary. So, after her call, I start to think about it and get worried. Why would they call if he wasn't concerned? Is there something to be worried about?

And then I started thinking how sweet it would be if there was something wrong....New Boobies! You know...after the surgeries and chemo and other terrible stuff....But, come one, New Boobies! How nice that would be....

I went in and got crammed into this machine, I mean really crammed into this thing. But, here's the worst part...I have a thing about armpits. It's a random weird freak out thing when things touch my pits. I've had this aversion forever and can't stand when anything gets near them. I don't even look when I shave my pits; it's all done blind. I'm not kidding. The kind lady was shoving me any which way she could to get my miserly tissue up there. And she kept putting her hand in my pit. I'm trying to not hyperventilate and I'm irritated that I'm in this office in the first place. (I mean, this is an office that would make Mary Kay Ash swoon. And I happen to know a thing or two about that woman's taste.)

After four terribly uncomfortable squishing pictures, they move me into another room and tell me to wait for the results from the doc. Maybe she'll want a sonogram, maybe not. Depends on what she sees in my flat panels of flesh.

And...of course, she wants a sonogram. They aren't done with my Boobie yet, by gawd! Sonogram was oh so fun...and I'm thinking that at least they are just playing with the ladies and leaving my underarms alone. When suddenly, the doc slaps some gel into my pits and says, "We'll check out your lymphnodes and be finished in just a minute!" A very happy voice. Like women enjoy having gel slathered all over their frontside. OOhhh...that was the worst part. The cramming, the tweaking with the big machine, that was nothing compared to her rubbing gel into my pits with a gleam in her eye.

"Oh, these look perfect! A little fluid in your milk sacs, but nothing that cutting down on your caffeine won't minimize. See you next year!" And she was gone.

And me, my flat Boobies, and my screaming armpits, were left to clean up after the party.

Ladies, don't miss your chance for such fun and excitement! October is Boobies Month. Get in there and get a mammocram.