Sweet Center has the sickness now. Our pediatricians office is the greatest and they got us in right away to wipe it out with some killer antibiotics. Poor kid. Yesterday was a not so good day for him. They got off to a late start and he was late to school. Then I got the call from the Asst. Principal, who notifiied me that if he is late 10 times in a school year, Hubba Hubba and I have to go before a judge and explain why we feel like being a hindrance to our kid's education. The next call was the school nurse letting me know that the child I sent to school that morning was sick. Really sick. Not just in the way that he's jealous that his brother gets to stay home and watch cartoons and isn't is his turn sick? This kid is really sick. Come get him, you moron.
This feeling of parental inadequacy started a few weeks ago. Sweet Center has been having some problems in school and at home. He truly is the greatest kid. I know every mother feels this way, but he really is! He has this great habit of wanting to do the right thing. His heart is huge and he (tries to) think of others. Unfortunately, lately he has struggled with some general sadness. Hubba Hubba and I sat down with him to talk about it. I believe Sweet Centers words were, "I just feel funny inside. Like I'm sad inside." This feeling started shortly after we put his beloved Lab to sleep. We really had no choice and it was a hard decision, but one that had to be made. Sweet Center has kept the dogs tags and wants to frame them. My heart breaks even thinking about the look on his face as he said this. I can't breathe when I think about it. My response was to talk to a specialist. In no way do I want Sweet Center to feel this way. I want him to have complete faith in his ability to deal with anything that life throws at him.
So, the therapist is a nice man. He reminds us of Santa Claus. White beard, twinkle in his eye. The whole tender bit. We like him.
Well, the last visit it was just me and Sweet Center. We spent the time talking about what Sweet Center likes to do to fill his time. What's a normal day like? Well, there's no TV or video games on school nights. But, somehow it appeared that all the kid does is spend his time plugged into something electronic. The one bright spot is his bedtime ritual, which resolves around Hubba Hubba reading to him. Saturday mornings are full of the two of them playing video games. It's their bonding time. I don't get it, I have no coordination in handling the little control and playing the game at the same time. Likewise my involvement in the reading time. I seem to be a hindrance to the actual reading part. It could because I'm trying to keep Sir Toots occupied while they read. Or it could just be because I keep thinking of the dishes and laundry that aren't getting themselves clean. I can't just lay there, for goodness sake! There are things to get done!
Anyway, the sweet therapist (whom, I really truly do like- did I mention that?) looks at me and ask what I do. What's my interaction consist of with Sweet Center? Well, geez, we play, I promise. We run around outside like crazy banshees and toss balls and draw on the sidewalk with chalk and ride scooters to terrorize the neighbors. Evidently this doesn't cut it for Sweet Center. His discussion centered around playing with his father. His father, who wasn't there to back me up. His father, who would assure the kindly man that I am a good mother. That I love my son with every single frickin' fiber of my being. Actually, Sweet Center did give me that. He did say that he knew I loved him.
But, see I'm MOM, I wanted to shout. I have to do the really important stuff.
Is your homework complete? Have you taken your medicine? Your allergies aren't going away of their own free will, you know. Have you brushed your teeth? Has your hair been cleaned sometime in the last week? Are those clean socks? and underwear? Please, put on clean socks and underwear. You never know could happen out there. You need clean socks and underwear. Oh, and honey, is your hamster still even alive? Does he have fresh water?
As I'm sitting there thinking these things, I realize that it's not about what I do or don't do. It's about Sweet Center. It's about making sure he is okay. It's making sure that he doesn't feel sad. It's about developing behavorial habits that will ensure he feels confident in himself and his abilities. I don't care if I ever win a badge for my duties. Being recognized for service to man and country isn't in my job description. The only thing that counts is whether or not my kid utterly and truly knows he is loved. Badge or no badge, as long as Sweet Center knows the really important stuff, then it's okay. Even if he does leave the house in dirty underwear.
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